Showing results by narrator "Joe Hempel" in All Categories

Leah is a financially destitute new age hippy. James is a wealthy surgeon with a trust fund. She's awkward, he's poised. She's completely crazy, he's way too sane. People might say they have nothing in common, but they'd be wrong. They both live in Manhattan, they both have no idea how to change a baby diaper, and they're both lost ...until they find one another.

Six-foot-9 and 400 pounds, hailing from parts unknown, he is the one-man walking gore machine of the Deep South Wrestling Conference, and his name is Goon. But Detective Phillip Straker isn't a wrestling fan. The bodies pile up like dirty laundry: sex-obsessed tramps used as playthings by some unspeakable creature. Straker is determined to solve the rash of mutilation murders with trimmings that beg description. Is it just coincidence, or do all the victims have something in common?

Celebrating the persistence of Turtle Power Raise Some Shell critically and cleverly examines the origins, evolution, and impact of the Ninja Turtles phenomenon―from its beginning as a self-published black-and-white comic book in 1984, through its transformation into a worldwide transmedia phenomenon by the middle of the 1990s, and up to the sale of the property to Nickelodeon in 2009 and relaunch of the Turtles with new comics, cartoons, and a big-budget Hollywood film.

Horror movie starlet Clarissa Lee is beautiful, internationally known, and completely broke. To cap off years of questionable financial and personal decisions, Clarissa accepts an invitation to participate in a "fully immersive" fan convention. She arrives at an off-season summer camp and finds what was supposed to be a quick buck has become a real-life slasher movie.

Dan Kotler, independent researcher and archaeologist, is winding down from the events surrounding the theft and recovery of the Coelho Medallion, and discovering that the fallout of this history-altering adventure reaches further than he’d imagined. As academic colleagues shun him and the press hounds him, Kotler finds himself looking for a new purpose. When Gail McCarthy, granddaughter of one of Manhattan’s wealthiest real estate moguls, brings an ancient stone to Kotler’s attention, he finds himself embroiled once again in intrigue, jeopardy, and mystery.

The statues disappeared in an instant. While they were on Earth, they caused confusion and destruction without ever lifting a finger. They also contributed to the untimely death of April May: a young woman who stumbled into their path, naming them the Carls and gaining viral fame in an avalanche of conspiracy theories. When April's friends try to carry on with their lives, a series of clues arrive - mysterious books that seem to predict the future - and which also seem to suggest April may be very much alive...But there's a bigger mystery to solve.

After narrowly surviving an assassination attempt by a ninja, Nyle Maxwell (Winter) learns of a new ninja guild on the block. Its goal is to conquer all of Adventure City and force player and NPC alike to bow to their master's rule. Such an event threatens to spark a war between the two biggest ninja guilds in the city, a war that will tear the city itself apart. Things get worse when Nyle gets infected with a deadly virus that will turn him into a mindless zombie in three days' time. Now, Nyle must stop the coming ninja war and find a cure for his virus before it's too late.

A long dead evil stirs. An unlikely hero must face his destiny. Squire Col Vanheim wants nothing more than to train, get his spurs, and get away from the capital with its scheming, arrogant nobles. As a commoner raised to a position reserved for nobles Col faces bullying, taunts, and dirty tricks, when he isn't ignored completely. On the day of his greatest triumph, a beastman invasion sends Col running for his life with the arrogant Princess Rain in tow.

Conversation Tactics, Book 3 focuses on the subtle and nuanced tactics that will allow you to command any social situation. I'll shine a light onto the secrets of those that can own a room, always have a witty reply, and are never caught without just the right thing to say. I want this book to arm you with definitive tactics, maneuvers, and replies to whatever comes your way in a conversation.

Justin is excited to start his new job at an energy mine, on a distant planet - until things begin to go wrong. Small things. Annoying glitches in the mining complex's tech. Enough to aggravate him. Enough to notice a connection. When the first miner dies from a tech-related accident, Justin can no longer turn a blind eye. But the mine's brass don't want him digging for answers - even though something from the mine's past is lurking beneath the surface.... And it wants blood.

This odd, irreverent spiritual memoir chronicles the author's accidental hallucinogenic journey to God and back with blunt comic undertones, undercutting the lofty gravitas typically associated with the "meeting God" genre. While making no claims regarding the "proof" of God in any way, this light-hearted true story is an entertaining and thought-provoking journey into the psychology of religion and the existence of God.

Ty Dawson, now the sheriff of Oregon's Meriwether County, is ready to put a trying year behind him, but he's afforded no such luck. In a country still coming to grips with the Vietnam War, Watergate, and Charles Manson, Ty's neck of the woods isn't safe from the turmoil-especially when a commune of young so-called hippies springs up out of nowhere . . .

After exposing a low-level congressman for accepting bribes, Alex attends a conference and runs into an old friend - and flame - Media Studies Professor Camila Gray. But just as they begin to reconnect, Alex's business partner disappears, leaving Alex only one clue: the name of a hacker who was recently murdered. A source hints at a vaster conspiracy, one that may reach all the way up to the fast-approaching presidential election.

Newly retired from the FBI and alone after the tragic death of his wife, Cliff Knowles takes up geocaching. While looking for a cache in the mountains, he comes across a human skeleton and reports it to the sheriff's office. Then a second body is found - a fresh corpse this time - right after Cliff found another geocache nearby. When it turns out the first remains are those of a fugitive he was supposed to arrest years earlier, he becomes a suspect in a multiple homicide investigation.

Garrote House has seen its share of blood. Since Christopher's ancestor Oliver Hedgewood built the house in the 1800s, many spirits have taken up residence in "the Moving House", including horror author Rex Garrote, who'd burned to death in his private library. Christopher Hedgewood and Sara Jane Amblin, inventor of the Recurrence Field, return to Garrote House one final time before it's relocated to Ghostland.

Carjacked and snatched by escaped mass murderer Terrence Hingle, timid diner waitress Tilly Mulvehill becomes the meat in a maniac sandwich when she and her kidnapper encounter the deranged Ritter twins, Dwayne and Dwight. As Tilly fights for her life, she soon discovers that sometimes the only choice you have is to do or die...to Die Dog or Eat the Hatchet. This pulpy Southern Gothic thriller takes no prisoners as it roars towards its gruesome conclusion.

When a bandit raid destroys his home, Gabriel Kane believes his whole family is killed in the fire. Burdened by guilt, he dedicates his life to bringing those responsible to justice. Xander Kane has a secret place, a crawlspace under the kitchen perfect for stealing snacks. When the bandits attack Xander is trapped by the flames. Xander emerges hours later scarred and near death, his whole world reduced to ashes. Blind with rage, Xander dedicates his life to killing those responsible.

Based on very real and practical commentary, life experience, and occasionally, tongue-in-cheek-misfortunes of horror legends, Necessary Death explores how the horror genre offers individuals a unique opportunity for insight and understanding of their own lives.

A couple of jerks wake me up at the crack of noon. Seems my klepto uncle stole an ancient deck of Tarot cards from a high-powered wizard, and too many losers want to ruin my day to get them back. The cards are cool, so I check them out, but my magic-happy cousin, Sabrina, tells me I'm not supposed to touch them. Oops. Too late. Now the damn cards are tuned to me, and if someone else wants to use them, I have to die. Why couldn't she have led with that information?

When former career criminal Westlake finds himself semi-zombified and shuffling towards Atlantic City, he freaks out. He's supposed to be dead, after all. Kidnapped, he becomes part of a savage gladiator-styled show for the amusement of a heartless overlord. Lucky for him, ex-cop Estela Ramirez and her crew of mishap heroes are already on their way to save him and stop the horrors being inflicted on the humans in good ol' AC . . . if they can figure out a way to fly a plane there, that is.