
Out of the Fog
Moving from Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse
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Narrated by:
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Dana Morningstar
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By:
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Dana Morningstar
About this listen
The FOG is an acronym that stands for "Fear, Obligation, and Guilt". These three emotions are often how narcissists, sociopaths, and other types of emotional manipulators go about controlling others.
However, this type of destructive manipulation isn't just limited to narcissists and sociopaths. There is no shortage of people with well-intended bad advice out there who unintentionally fall into the FOG as well and push targets of abuse into keeping the relationship going.
The FOG is one of the main reasons that people stay "stuck" in abusive relationships for so long, why they continue to get involved with abusive people, why they feel they are the problem, and why they tend to feel that the abuse is somehow their fault. When a person is being manipulated, they have a hard time figuring out who has the problem, what is normal, what is problematic, and if their wants, needs, and feelings are valid. The disastrous effects of being lost in the FOG are confusion, crazy-making, people-pleasing, and an erosion of boundaries. What makes this well-intended bad advice so damaging is that, on the surface, it seems like good advice - especially if it's coming from people who seem to have our best interests in mind, such as friends, family, church members, support-group members, or a therapist.
Some examples of this well-intended bad advice that comes from other people is: "Who are you to judge?", "No one is perfect", "You need to forgive them", "She's your mother, you need to have a relationship with her...she's not getting any younger you know", and "Commitment is forever".
This audiobook dives into these and other commonly confused topics such as:
- "Who are you to judge" vs. being discerning
- "You need to forgive them" vs. keeping yourself safe
- A parent vs. a predator
- Commitment vs. codependency
- Self-love vs. selfishness
- A person acting the part vs. a person actually changing
- Gut instincts vs. hypervigilance
- A friend vs. someone being friendly
- Caring vs. caretaking
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Pathological mind games. Covert and overt put-downs. Triangulation. Gaslighting. Projection. These are the manipulative tactics survivors of malignant narcissists are unfortunately all too familiar with. As victims of silent crimes where the perpetrators are rarely held accountable, survivors of narcissistic abuse have lived in a war zone of epic proportions, enduring an abuse cycle of love-bombing and devaluation - psychological violence on steroids.
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A “Powerful” book
- By Avid reader on 10-16-17
By: Shahida Arabi
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Toxic Parents
- Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
- By: Craig Buck, Susan Forward
- Narrated by: Jo Anna Perrin
- Length: 10 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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In this remarkable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward draws on case histories and the real-life voices of adult children of toxic parents to help you free yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents---and discover a new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence.
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Its worth a listen.
- By Amanda on 08-20-12
By: Craig Buck, and others
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Loving People
- How to Love and Be Loved
- By: John Townsend
- Narrated by: Matthew Josdal
- Length: 7 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Best-selling author Dr. John Townsend teaches you that love can actually be learned and gives you the steps and tools to become skilled in love. Using his trademark stories to flesh out the important principles, Dr. Townsend covers receiving love, connecting love, healing love, confronting love, romantic love, and surrendering love. Through his teaching, listeners will discover - and start enjoying - the words, actions, and experiences of authentic love.
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Very insightful
- By Amazon Customer on 05-17-19
By: John Townsend
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12 Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs Are Gone
- Choosing Emotional Sobriety Through Self-Awareness and Right Action
- By: Allen Berger PhD
- Narrated by: Matthew Boston
- Length: 5 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Allen Berger, PhD, draws on the teachings of Bill W. and psychotherapy pioneers to offer 12 hallmarks of emotional sobriety that, when practiced, give people the confidence to be accountable for their behavior, ask for what they want and need, and grow and develop a deeper trust in the process of life. These smart things include: understanding who you are and what's important to you; learning not to take others' reactions personally; trusting your inner compass; and taking responsibility for your reactions to problematic situations.
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Rich exploration and application of ES principles
- By rdkemper on 08-12-23
By: Allen Berger PhD
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12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery
- Avoiding Relapse through Self-Awareness and Right Action
- By: Allen Berger PhD
- Narrated by: Matthew Boston
- Length: 3 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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To grow in recovery, we must grow up emotionally. This means getting honest with ourselves and facing up to the self-defeating thoughts and actions that put our sobriety at risk. Although there are as many ways to mess up recovery as there are alcoholics and addicts, some general themes exist, which include: confusing self-concern with selfishness; not making amends; using the program to try to become perfect; not getting help for relationship troubles; and believing that life should be easy. Allen Berger explores the 12 most commonly confronted beliefs and attitudes that can sabotage recovery.
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Hilarious and True...the humor helps us to earnestly reflect inward. Very powerful. Thank you!
- By Tabitha Thornhill on 10-25-24
By: Allen Berger PhD
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When Your Mother Has Borderline Personality Disorder
- A Guide for Adult Children
- By: Daniel S. Lobel PhD
- Narrated by: Daniel S. Lobel PhD
- Length: 4 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Growing up with a mom who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is difficult - but it’s still possible to have a functioning adult relationship with her. When Your Mother Has Borderline Personality Disorder provides you with crucial information for understanding the patterns behind her Borderline Personality Disorder, as well as the tools you need to start your own recovery process.
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Great advice IF you decide to or must continue a relationship with someone with BPD
- By Sarah M. on 05-21-24
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The No Contact Rule
- By: Natalie Lue
- Narrated by: Lucy Price-Lewis
- Length: 6 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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You're trying to get over your ex, yet you're still in touch and have ended up being his or her backup plan. Maybe you haven't left yet, but you want to and just don't know how. Maybe you're tired of doing the lather, rinse, repeat of getting back together and winding up back at square one. It's time to cut contact. The No Contact Rule is an inspiring guide to extinguishing the temptation to stay in touch or to keep engaging, helping you to reclaim your sense of self and move on to a healthier relationship.
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I can not recomment this book highly enough!
- By Amazon Customer on 02-14-17
By: Natalie Lue
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The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist
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The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse is the most comprehensive and helpful audiobook on the topic of covert narcissism. This type of narcissism is one of the most damaging forms because the abuse is so hidden and so insidious. You can be in a relationship that can last for decades and not realize you are being psychologically and emotionally controlled, manipulated, and abused.
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This book CHANGED MY LIFE!
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"Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility
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Health and wellness campaigns preach avoidance of unhealthy foods, sedentary lifestyles, tobacco, drugs, and alcohol, but rarely preach avoidance of unhealthy, difficult, or toxic people. Yet the health benefits of removing toxic people from your life may have far greater benefits to both physical and psychological health. We need to learn to be better gatekeepers for our minds, bodies, and souls. Narcissism, entitlement, and incivility have become the new world order, and we are all in trouble. They are not only normalized but also increasingly incentivized.
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Excellent reality check
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The Power of Chowa
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The Japanese wisdom of chowa (pronounced like power) offers a fresh approach to being, showing us how to create space and symmetry at work, at home, and in our relationships. Chowa is an ancient philosophy and set of practices that enable us to discover what matters most in our individual lives, and help us transform our way of thinking about ourselves and others.
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The pursuit of chōwa
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Pursuing a dream is essential to living a life with purpose. Yet we often bury our burning desires and dreams deep in our hearts because it seems as if there’s no way we can accomplish them. In It’s Not Over, pastor Joshua Gagnon, founder of the Next Level Church network, reminds us that we were born to dream - and to dream big. In fact, our dreams have the power to shape our lives.
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Greed and narcissism at its best
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Start Here: A Crash Course in Understanding, Navigating, and Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
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