Unseen, Unheard, Undervalued

Managing Loneliness, Loss of Connection and Not Fitting In

By: Dr Janina Scarlet

Narrated by: Dr Janina Scarlet

Have you ever felt like you're shouting into the void for someone to just see you and to acknowledge that you exist, that you have value, that you are loved?

That feeling - like no one can really see who you are, like no one really gets it, that's loneliness. The truth is everyone feels lonely. It is a universal emotion, one we all experience at one point or another, but we have also been made to feel ashamed, oppressed and stigmatised about experiencing it.

Being seen means that someone notices you and includes you. Being heard means to be listened to without interruption, gaslighting or invalidation, but rather with compassion and understanding. Being valued means being respected and treated with compassion and kindness. When all three of these needs are met, we experience a sense of belonging. Human beings need more than access to food, sleep and water to survive. We also need to feel that sense of belonging, understanding and support.

This book will help you reduce your shame around loneliness, to help you manage it, and to foster a sense of belonging. It will help you identify how loneliness may show up in your own life, understand how it impacts you, and help you discover some actionable steps you can take in order to feel seen, heard and valued. You deserve nothing less.

©2023 Janina Scarlet (P)2023 Hachette Audio UK

Critic reviews

This is a truly beautiful book about loneliness and how to reach beyond our perceptions of isolation. Most importantly, the author focuses the reader on the most stable and readily available source of connection there is - our relationship with ourselves (Dr Kristin Neff, pioneer of self-compassion and author of 'Fierce Self-Compassion')

Janina Scarlet is at once brilliant, warm hearted, understanding and encouraging. This powerful book, rooted firmly in research, meets readers right where they are and illuminates the path to creating a life full of meaning and healthy connection - with ourselves and others. Readers are encouraged to take the book at their own pace. The brief chapters make it easy to take it slowly, and the gentle exercises help wellbeing blossom, all the while with the encouragement, authenticity and kind presence of the author. Readers come away feeling seen, heard and understood every step of the way (Michelle Becker, author of Compassion for Couples)

In Zulu, the greeting "Sawubona" literally means "I see you". In contrast, I have felt unseen and misunderstood as a Black woman in America more times than I can count. Perhaps this is why I felt Unseen, Unheard, Undervalued by Dr Janina Scarlet in my gut, on a soul level. Dr Scarlet's words are poignant and heartfelt. As I read, I felt the familiar pang of loneliness that was described so well. However, through this book, I could examine loneliness in a new way; I turned it around in my mind like a child looking at a unique shell found on the beach. I was able to see it differently and appreciate the humanity and universality of it. This book does what it intends to do - it reduces the stigma surrounding loneliness in all its forms (Dr Jennifer Payne, author of 'Out of the Fire: Healing Black Trauma Caused by Systemic Racism Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy')