The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting on with Your Life

The Wise Lesbian Guide Series

By: Amber Ault PhD MSW

Narrated by: Amber Ault

Is your relationship "always about her?" Does it seem condemned to an endless break-up/make up cycle? Do your friends think your girlfriend is bad news? If you are stuck in a confusing, exhausting, crazy-making relationship and looking for a way to make sense of your girlfriend's self-centered, erratic, or volatile behavior, you need The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting On With Your Life. In one small volume, Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW spells out how three "personality disorders" (Narcissistic, Anti-social, Borderline) account for much of the toxic "come here/go away" "I love you/I hate you" and "it's all about me" drama that keeps good women in relationships that are great every once in awhile but wretchedly crazy-making most of the time.

While other books explore the rise of narcissism, surviving the abuse of psychopaths, and dealing with people who have borderline personality disorder in general, this book takes a lesbian-specific look at the devastation that these personality disorders can cause in relationships and the special challenges facing women in same-sex partnerships with personality-disordered women.

In The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting on With Your Life, Dr. Ault, a clinical sociologist and psychotherapist, draws from clinical literature and experience, expertise in LGBT culture, and a series of interviews with lesbian and queer women who experienced relationships with toxic partners to help you determine if the trouble you are experiencing in your relationship is rooted in a partner's personality disorder. She reviews common toxic relationship dynamics, the costs of staying with personality disordered partners, common personality disorder patterns, and why you might have been vulnerable to getting involved with a personality disordered woman. Perhaps most importantly, she provides specific skills you need to use if you are preparing to exit a toxic relationship, and detailed strategies for recovery, once you are free.

Every person deserves to be in a happy, joyful, supportive relationship. As we move into an era in which same-sex partners have access to legal marriage, it is perhaps more crucial than ever that we clarify our expectations for same-sex relationships and become skilled at choosing partners with the capacity to fully participate in mutually respectful, reciprocally supportive, life-enhancing relationships.

You deserve to be in a relationship that promotes your happiness, health, and peacefulness. If your current relationship undermines your ease, well-being, and productivity, this book can help you get clearer about what is not working and how to take action so that you can open yourself to the possibility of having the relationship satisfaction you deserve.

©2014 Amber Ault (P)2014 Amber Ault

Incredibly written and empowering book!

This was exactly the book I needed to find! The author is concise and articulate. She provides multiple real life examples of each concept without derailing into lengthy side stories. Most importantly, after defining and providing examples of the various personality disorders, she shifts to focus solely on the needs of the confused partner of a disordered girlfriend, and then she provides very specific advice on how to free oneself from a toxic relationship. I feel extremely empowered after listening to this book, and I plan to start listening again from the beginning while I plan my own exit strategy.

Recording needs work....

What did you like best about The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting on with Your Life? What did you like least?

The information is valuable but there are parts where there is a double voice recording

How would you have changed the story to make it more enjoyable?

This was more of an information guide and lecture; so there is no story to change.

Did the narration match the pace of the story?

The narrative had parts that had a dual voice recording. This caused an unwanted distraction.

Did The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting on with Your Life inspire you to do anything?

Yes, I was inspired to research the terms "crazy-making relationships."

Any additional comments?

I would enjoy hearing more from this author and actual lesbians discussing the topic in an ongoing podcast format.

Great read, very important information

This book provides great information and advice to people in these types of relationships. The cases she discusses sound all too familiar. There is a big problem with the recording that most other reviewers mentioned.

I needed this book.

I loved this book for it’s compassionate and logical approach to helping women get out of relationships with narcissistic women. It helped answer so many questions I had lingering and encouraged me to have no contact with my crazy making ex girlfriend. 10/10 recommendation for a person exiting a toxic lesbian relationship.

The Quality of Recording Needs to be Fixed

Where does The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting on with Your Life rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

The book and its messages are good. For anyone dealing with a bad relationship, there are themes and ways to handle conflict that will stand out as useful or applicable, but it does not hurt to mention that not everyone in a bad relationship is dating someone with one of the 3 personality disorders. Bad relationships can be, and are often related to issues other than one partner having a personality disorder. This book exclusively focuses on relationships where 1 partner has one of the 3 following personality disorders :

1. Borderline
2. Narcissistic
3. Anti Social/Sociopathic

From a psychology perspective, this book was very interesting and I enjoyed it. Unfortunately, I didn't think the message would be so narrowly defined by stories and advice tailored just to those with personality disordered partners. I guess it has made me realize my GF isn't as crazy as someone with a personality disorder but it didn't provide the advice I was looking for.

Who was your favorite character and why?

The crazy lesbians! (ha. thats a joke). This question is n/a.

What didn’t you like about Amber Ault’s performance?

As others have said, at the beginning of each chapter there is a mistake in the recording where there seems to be the same 45 second blurb about publishing, dates, etc playing under/on top of the book. It is really distracting and pretty ridiculous that a professional product was published with this kind of major flaw and no one has gone back to correct it.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

No.

Any additional comments?

Nope.

Very good advice!

Great advice for victims of narc abuse or know someone in that situation. My only complaint is the audio had double voices at times for copyright, and I found that extremely distracting.

Terrible edition

The content of the book is good but it sounds like a high school kids project. Voices overlap and the microphone filter sounds as of that on my phone. It sounds like a DIY audiobook.

required read for all later in life lesbians!

totally adaptable to most any relationship. i was able to see the points that have affected every single relationship in my life from friends to family to husband to girlfriend. this author is brilliant at applying the topics to any perspective.

the second half is dedicated to you. the reader. i froze in my seat as i heard the words i needed to hear. its time to put myself first. 💙

Too much back feed.

What did you love best about The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting on with Your Life?

It was entertaining as well as to the point.

What did you like best about this story?

It talked about the reality.

Any additional comments?

Too much backfeed. Poor recording because you could hear the reader in the back ground begining a new chapter and stepping all over the current reading. Like shadowing. Difficult to hear while two different readings are going on at the same time. Very disappointed by that.

Audio has been correctly re-engineered!

Thanks to everyone who has purchased this book in paper, digital format, or audio! As the author, I'm deeply touched to read how beneficial the book has been to so many. I also appreciate that listeners alerted us to the audio glitch. Although my team tried to correct this early on, the source of the problem couldn't be identified. Several years out, they made another run at it in October 2022 and believe we've gotten it corrected. So --- thanks to those who heard the value of the content despite the glitch with the chapter headers, and to all who left such positive feedback.

As an indie author/psychotherapist/coach, it means the world to me to know my work makes a difference. Please share this book and The Five Step Exit with folks who need them and feel free to be in touch through my website, www.amberault.com.

Many blessings to all of us on the quest to create a healthier world, starting at home.