Collaborating with the Enemy

How to Work with People You Don't Agree with or Like or Trust

By: Adam Kahane

Narrated by: Jeff Hoyt

Length: 3 hrs and 30 mins

Publisher's summary

We're trying to get something done that really matters to us. To do this we need to work with others. But these others include people we don't agree with or like or trust, so working with them seems impossible - like collaborating with the enemy. What can we do?

International consultant Adam Kahane, whose work has been praised by Nobel Peace Prize winners Nelson Mandela and Juan Manuel Santos, has faced this challenge many times in working both on big issues, like economic restructuring, climate change, and civil war, and on ordinary issues within organizations and families. He has come to understand that everything we think we know about collaboration - that it requires a harmonious team that agrees on where it's going and how it's going to get there - is wrong. On the contrary, the only way to get things done with diverse others is to abandon harmony, agreement, and control and to learn to work with discord, experimentation, and genuine cocreation.

Kahane proposes a new approach to collaboration - stretch collaboration - that is built on this insight. He offers examples of how he's helped people apply it in all kinds of tough situations throughout the world. This approach requires stepping forward with openness and commitment, as in the words of poet Antonio Machado, "Walker, there is no path. The path is made by walking."

As our societies have become more polarized and globalized and our organizations have become less hierarchical, more of us need to collaborate across more heterogeneous groups than ever before. This means that increasingly often we face situations where conventional collaboration does not work. Kahane's book offers a proven and practical approach to getting things done in such complex and conflictual contexts. It could not be more timely.

©2017 Adam Kahane (P)2017 Adam Kahane

Interestingly, impactful

I found the book to be interesting and useful in changing one’s mindset. But the way to get there was not fully flushed out. It is more of an invitation to seek self discovery. But I’m not sure I would call it a how to book. I am encouraged to approach my own concept of collaboration differently.

Simple, yet critical shift in perspective

This book offers a simple, yet a critical shift in perspective. In an increasingly complex world where agendas are unlikely to align, an essential skill is to be able to align actions for mutual benefit instead. In just a few hours this book helped me see that collective progress is more valuable than shared purpose. Highly recommended!

The book wasn’t what I expected

I thought the book was mostly antidotal. I’m had to stop listening at the 4th chapter and I haven’t really learned anything new so far. The author enjoys talking about how smart they are so I think the message of lowering expectations of having it your way and seeking to forge a joint path forward may have been a bit muddled for me.

Last chapter the best advice

Last chapter has timeless, excellent advice for all, for all situations.
I didn’t get much out of the beginning of book. Glad I continued to the end. Shows I’m already on my way to being open to listen to others thoroughly.
Definitely a keeper book! Refresher from time to time.

Force, adapt, exit or collaborate.

Enjoyed perspective. If you’re not part of the problem then you can’t be part of the solution. Less energy on blaming. More energy on doing your part.

Interesting concept but short on details

While the concept this author offers is interesting and unique, he falls way short of providing details on how to implement it.
He does give a conceptual outline and interesting stories that support the model however does not provide a framework on how to implement it on your own.

A Go-To Book

Found myself re-listening to pieces to really take in the content. This is one that you'll come back to a few times to refine the value you get.

not exactly what I was looking for

the book didn't touch on some of the areas it's summary indicated. I picked up a few ideas but overall it left me wanting something different.

Very good book

Very well structured, and delivered. Very helpful and practical. I loved it. My best read of 2024.

A practical approach on collaboration

The myth of collaboration equivalent to full agreement is debunked by Adam Kahane in this work. The author uses examples of high stakes and very complex negotiations to show that collaborating/negotiating is not about reaching a given result or persuading others to your point of view but about the ability to move forward, one step at a time. This book is not about easy wins in negotiation but about negotiations that endure.

#collaboration #negotiation #Tagsgiving #sweepstakes