Needing to Know for Sure

A CBT-Based Guide to Overcoming Compulsive Checking and Reassurance Seeking

By: Martin N. Seif PhD, Sally M. Winston PsyD

Narrated by: Holly Adams

"How do I know I made the right decision?" "What if I'm wrong?" "I need to know for sure."

Do you have thoughts like these - thoughts that cause you to second-guess yourself? Do you find yourself repeatedly checking your email for no reason, asking others for their opinions about something again and again, or lying awake at night overanalyzing and planning ahead in an attempt to feel less anxious? If so, you probably have a problem with compulsive reassurance seeking. The good news is that you can break free from this "reassurance trap" - this book will show you how.

In this unique guide, you'll find proven-effective tips and tools using CBT to help you tolerate uncertainty, face specific worrying scenarios, and gradually reduce the compulsion to incessantly seek reassurance. Most importantly, you'll learn to deal with those pesky "doubt attacks" and trust your own judgment.

Asking for reassurance is a self-reinforcing behavior - if you do it, you're less likely to handle stressful situations without needing further reassurance. And so the cycle continues. The CBT skills in this book will help you break this exhausting and painful pattern, so you can build self-confidence and improve your life.

©2019 Martin N. Seif and Sally M. Winston (P)2021 Tantor

Avoidance is explained

External view of avoidance is super helpful. It’s hard too because you’ll get interlocked with others trying to deny the toughness. This book is about trying to engage in it.

very good. A bit repetitive but good

I found it very reassuring LOL to know that I was not crazy that this was not rooted in insecurity that this was not because I was trying to be a control freak, but that this was an issue of being extremely uncomfortable with uncertainty.

Worth the listen

If you even think this may help you, listen to it, very well read and helped me feel like there’s hope to be better.

Very understanding way of looking at anxiety

Lots of good resources to help work through uncertainty I find it might be helpful to have someone to go through it with you (therapist) because of how challenging stopping the reassurance can be

Life changing book

I thank God for this book that has offered a lifetime to people with a mind like me

Great Listen

This audiobook is well put together and I found it really helpful for dealing with my “sticky mind.” I absolutely recommend for anyone constantly going around in circles with obsession themes but wanting to break free. Contains lots of examples applicable to lots of themes, so you’ll find something to relate to.

Just what I needed to hear

A timely book for me, as my mind has become more and more sticky lately. I recommend everything they’ve ever done.

Very helpful

The first two chapters made me anxious. But there are so many great tips given in this book. I absolutely love it.

Absolutely loved it

This book is exactly what I needed to hear in my life right now. I highly recommend it to anyone who suffers from ocd/anxiety. The writing was amazing and these doctors clearly know what they are talking about. It was easy to follow and understand. I thought the narrator did a great job too. She spoke in a very soothing, sympathetic tone that made me feel calm, safe and not judged.

The only criticism I can give is that they should have marketed this book more toward ocd. Almost every scenario seemed to highlight someone with severe ocd, not just anxiety. Sadly, the two usually are locked hand in hand. I really enjoyed all of the specific stories of the suffering individuals. My ocd has leap frogged to nearly every of those examples at some point throughout my life. I felt such compassion and sadness for all of them though it was also comforting to see how many others suffer from ocd as sometimes I feel so alone. They strive to make their lives better with their obsessions and compulsions but sadly, ocd always makes everything worse.

This book gives a lot of great coping methods though it may startle some ppl to feel like they have “no control over anything” and that “certainty does not exist.” I’m not sure I entirely agree with that thinking but it was relieving to discover that most of my efforts are useless, particularly for the things I worry about. One line really resonated with me, “weigh your efforts against the cost of your hyper-vigilance.” This really spoke to me bc almost always, my constant checking and ruminating simply enrage and hurt those around me, I never succeed in preventing anything from happening or predicting the future. But ocd often tricks you into feeling like worry is productive.

One of my main compulsions is validation seeking, my ocd is ravenous for reassurance. Anything I am ruminating over, no matter how nonsensical, I turn to the internet and my loved ones for hours of validation. I am going to do my best to let these moments pass and to tap more into my wise mind, though I guess I will need to find it first if worried voice ever shuts up lol.

I am going to implement what I’ve learned from this book and I’ll def read it again and again. I highly recommend it to anyone suffering from severe ocd and anxiety and it may even be helpful to those who are trying to understand an inflicted love one. Thank you for this wonderful book and good luck to all my fellow sufferers ♥️

Insightful and calming

What a great book. Wish I found it sooner. Short easy listen and very positive.