How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes

Science-Based Strategies for Better Parenting - from Tots to Teens

By: Melinda Wenner Moyer

Narrated by: Melinda Wenner Moyer

How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes is a clear, actionable, sometimes humorous (but always science-based) guide for parents on how to shape their kids into honest, kind, generous, confident, independent, and resilient people...who just might save the world one day.

As an award-winning science journalist, Melinda Wenner Moyer was regularly asked to investigate and address all kinds of parenting questions: how to potty train, when and whether to get vaccines, and how to help kids sleep through the night. But as Melinda's children grew, she found that one huge area was ignored in the realm of parenting advice: How do we make sure our kids don't grow up to be assholes?

On social media, in the news, and from the highest levels of government, kids are increasingly getting the message that being selfish, obnoxious, and cruel is okay. Hate crimes among children and teens are rising, while compassion among teens has been dropping. We know, of course, that young people have the capacity for great empathy, resilience, and action, and we all want to bring up kids who will help build a better tomorrow. But how do we actually do this? How do we raise children who are kind, considerate, and ethical inside and outside the home, who will grow into adults committed to making the world a better place?

How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes is a deeply researched, evidence-based primer that provides a fresh, often surprising perspective on parenting issues, from toddlerhood through the teenage years. First, Melinda outlines the traits we want our children to possess - including honesty, generosity, and antiracism - and then she provides scientifically based strategies that will help parents instill those characteristics in their kids. Learn how to raise the kind of kids you actually want to hang out with - and who just might save the world.

©2021 Melinda Wenner Moyer (P)2021 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

“This science-based, funny, easy-to-use guidebook with specific strategies to help parents raise great kids should be on everyone's list.” (Zibby Owens, Good Morning America)

“In her new book How to Raise Kids Who Aren't A**holes: Science-Based Strategies for Better Parenting - from Tots to Teens, science journalist Melinda Wenner Moyer…looks at research on gunplay, screen time, shyness, resilience and more, helping parents effectively send the message that kindness matters.” (CNN.com)

“I can’t think of a more important life lesson than ‘don’t be an asshole’. Unfortunately, many kids don’t learn it - because many parents fail to teach it. Thanks to this book, they no longer have an excuse. It’s a smart, engaging, honest, and surprisingly useful read about how to nurture decency and generosity.” (Adam Grant, number one New York Times best-selling author of Thing Again)

Really solid advice on a range of parenting challenges

I read this as part of a book club and might not have picked it up based on title alone. I also don't think I read the full subtitle before reading it so was pleasantly surprised to find chapters about topics impacting older kids, like technology and sex.

My kid is only two so while I didn't find those two chapters super relevant (although there are aspects of both of those chapters that touch on little kids), I found the research fascinating. I had read Emily Oster's The Family Firm last year, which gives you a framework for decision making around topics like technology, but the research in this book is just far more interesting...perhaps because it touches on older kids, so it touches more on areas like privacy and bullying.

I also found the sections on gender, bullying, and sibling relationships really interesting.

One thing I would deliberate is whether this is better as an audio book vs physical book. I found the performance of the reading good, but this might be a book where you want to jump to relevant sections when things happen and you want to reference the research, which is just easier (for me) in a hard copy.

Fantastic Parenting Book

This was a fantastic parenting book. It starts with how current events fueled the author's need to write it, and continues with clear research-based information not only why things need to be done, but how to do them. It covers a wide range of topics, great resources, and realistic expectations about life. I'll be re-reading parts of this for years as I continue to strive to become a better parent. Incredibly well done and highly recommended.

Outstanding overall synthesis of some complex ideas

Very practical, very thoughtful - well written and delivered. A few tidbits I’m implementing right away!

Alternative title “how to raise kids who aren’t republican”

It was okay. Some good advice. A lot of obvious things. Some practical takeaways. Some rambling on to fill pages when point has been made. A little too woke at times for me. Wasn’t a waste of time but wouldn’t read again.

Very Resonant

For some reason, out of all the parenting books I’ve read, this one resonated with me the most. It’s great.

Excellent

Excellent, thanks for doing the research! Thoroughly enjoyed listening to it. Personable and thought-provoking

Best parenting book I have found yet.

I loved how everything was broken down and especially loved the last 5 chapters. What really spoke to me was the section on discipline and I love all the studies that are backing the content of this book. Is a great deal of research and work went into the making of this this book. Truly appreciate it

Learned a lot

Even with its heavy-handedness with social justice issues, this book was a fantastic resource to draw from and I learned a lot about different approaches to discipline, discussions, and stability with parenting.

Inspiring and Helpful

Nice book with many chapters related to different parenting subjects as kids develop. I’d like to read it again in a few years. I found the advice based on scientific research very helpful.

Slightly us-centric, but very well reasoned

Basing the intro in the political assholery in the US gives a good frame of reference for those of us that follow that particular dumpster fire, but it end up being a distraction for those that don't, which is permitted when not living in the US.

I fear that adherents of industrialized callousness will be turned off by calling out cheeto Mussolini, so perhaps an easy-to-read edition without those passages would be helpful?

Anyway we enjoyed the book and it seems the points being made are indeed based in reality.