How to Hold a Grudge

From Resentment to Contentment - the Power of Grudges to Transform Your Life

By: Sophie Hannah

Narrated by: Sophie Hannah

The first and only comprehensive examination of the universal but widely misunderstood practice of grudge-holding that will show you how to use grudges to be your happiest, most optimistic, and most forgiving self.

Secretly, we all hold grudges, but most of us probably think we shouldn’t, and many of us deny that we do. To bear a grudge is too negative, right? Shouldn’t we just forgive and move on? Wrong, says self-appointed grudge guru Sophie Hannah, in her groundbreaking and irreverent self-help guide. Yes, it’s essential to think positively if we want to live happy lives, but even more crucial is how we get to the positive. Denying our negative emotions and experiences is likely to lead only to more pain, conflict, and stress.

What if our grudges are good for us? What if we could embrace them, and use them to help ourselves and others, instead of feeling ashamed of our inability to banish negative emotions and memories from our lives? With contributions from expert psychotherapists as well as extracts from her own extensive catalog of grudges, Sophie Hannah investigates the psychological origins of grudges and also offers not-so-obvious insights into how we should acknowledge - and embrace - them in order to improve the quality of our interpersonal relationships and senses of self. Grudges do not have to fill us with hate or make us toxic, bitter, and miserable. If we approach the practice of grudge-holding in an enlightened way, it will do the opposite - we will become more forgiving.

Practical, compassionate, and downright funny, How to Hold a Grudge reveals everything we need to know about the many different forms of grudge, the difference between a grudge and not-a-grudge (not as obvious as it seems), when we should let a grudge go, and how to honor a grudge and distill lessons from it that will turn us into better, happier people - for our own benefit and for the sake of spreading good and limiting harm in the world.

©2019 Sophie Hannah (P)2019 Simon & Schuster

Immensely helpful

This is one of the best books I’ve ever read and I’m sure I will read it many more times. It’s concise, helpful, and funny.

Amazing Tool for people with Autistic Traits, etc.

Sometimes a formulaic approach is clarifying, that which is measured, matters. This author is generous with her personal stories and learning curves and her grudge diamond scale is a true breakthrough, especially for the sort of person who doesn't know how they feel, just that they do feel.

I listened, then I listened to her podcasts and read the materials online and took in as many reviews as I could find. This is a great resource and I'm glad to have found it.

I was surprised that I like this book so much

I bought this book on a whim from a Facebook ad that seemed to know that I’m trying to process through a hurtful situation with a family member. I didn’t have much expectation really but was intrigued. I was so surprised by how challenged and mentally stimulated I was during the read. I actually really followed the authors logic that processing through grudges can be a good thing and would allow me to become a more forgiving person. Few books motivate me to action but this one did.

Somehow relaxing

Listening to the author's own narration of her grudges is somehow relaxing! Loved her voice. As I was listening I kept in mind a review I'd read about the examples of grudge-inspiring events being uninteresting or somehow bad. Actually, these were the stuff daily grudges are made of - someone made me wait, someone didn't notice something I did, someone was pushy. If the examples had been tragic and flashy, I wouldn't have been able to identify with them. Maybe that reviewer doesn't have a single "petty" thought ever. These should not be minimized - these "small" things bombard a person every day, and as Hannah writes, we also lob at others, even unknowingly. They really do cumulatively affect one's well being. At work, someone has recently formed a grudge against me because for a month her convenient email notifications for document expiration dates have gone away as I migrate data, even though I gave her a neat spreadsheet of all those dates (and there are only a handful of upcoming ones). I've formed a grudge against her for going to the president after two weeks of this to tell him the software I'm using (and fought for for months) should be changed to the old one she used to use at a previous job. These are the exact types of things Hannah uses as examples. Her book was reassuring and I won't ever forget it, I'm sure.

Highly recommend.

I found this book very interesting and insightful. The author’s retelling of both contributed and personal stories showed how analyzing grudges helps us process the behaviors of ourselves and others. I feel the author proves that we can learn a lot by reflecting on, and evaluating the causes and effects of grudges.