Horde

By: Ian Thomas Healy

Narrated by: Nick Jermyn

Orcs used to be a fearsome fighting force, and the unleashing of the Horde brought terror to humans, elves, and dwarves time and time again over the centuries. Nowadays, there aren't any more Ultimate Evils, necromancers, or dark wizards left to hire the Horde. Paug Blumpkin is smart for an orc (rather like saying he's smart for a box of hair). He's bored of training with the rest of the Horde for a war that will never come, and he's definitely tired of polishing his helmet. So he decides to set off in search of adventure, bringing along his cheerfully idiotic brother Milph, who has a regular habit of forgetting his pants. When they mug a wizard while he's answering Nature's call, they discover a treasure map (conveniently hidden in his elven pornography), and thus begins their very own Quest Perilous.

There's a powerful magical artifact halfway around the world, and Paug decides he's going to get the Tome of Unknowable Mysteries first. When he learns a celebrated human hero is after the same booty, the race begins. With Milph using the stolen wizard's wand (badly), a barbarian warrior-woman named Petunia bringing the muscle, a lousy gambler named Hodak the Inconsequential (who happens to be 14th in line for the throne), and a halfling thief named Gilpin with a chip on his shoulder, the companions head out into the great untamed wilderness, where death lurks behind every tree (and occasionally is the tree itself).

©2017 Ian Thomas Healy (P)2018 Ian Thomas Healy

Loved the old D&D feel of the story.

agree with everyone else on the laugh and double meaning of the words used through the story.

Tolkien Rolled Over

The Horde is a lighthearted fantasy journey that takes a Lord of the Rings-like world and defiles it. And I mean that in the best way possible. Elves are druggies, heroes are self-centered, Orcs are heroes, and everyone needs a bath. Seriously. The whole world smells. While, I found the humor to be only moderately funny, the storyline and character development was surprisingly good. Ian Thomas Healy is an extremely talented storyteller and he seems to be able to write a compelling well-paced tale regardless of the topic. Although the horde was not my favorite read, due mainly to its topic, it confirm for me that Healy’s books are worth my time. Therefore, if you are looking for a goofy fantasy trip, give this one a read.
I received this book free in exchange for a honest review

Morality rating- This book abounds with Sex, and Sexually both explicit and implied, along with violence, language, and bathroom humor.

"Bears..."

Tried really hard to hate this because I myself auditioned to narrate it but ended up loving the whole ride.

Fun

Fun story of mismatched characters. I love fantasy and whimsy, plus I've always had a soft spot for Orcs. I blame that on my D&D character and my young sons love of Azog. When I saw a story of orcs as the heroes I had to try it out. If you like fantasy that does not take itself too seriously, you'll enjoy this book.

This book was given to me for free at my request and I provided this voluntary review.

Hoping there's more

Though not sure at 1st, within a short time I was enjoying this lighthearted, amusing adventure.
So much so that I had to rewind to get back to where I fell asleep listening. Narrator was the perfect choice to perform this story.
This audio was given to me free, and I voluntarily gave this review.

So much FUN!!!

I'm going to start with the only problem I had with this story. When the characters went to a new place we got a dump of information describing the place. I would have like seeing the place unfold as the heroes experienced it. not a big deal though.

The narration was amazing with so many different voices.
The story was so much fun and full of lots of unexpected turns. Never before had I wanted to consider cheering for the Orcs and now I want more, much much more. This book is fantastic!

Unexpectedly and Surprisingly Enjoyable

I did some cover work for the author years ago, for one of his superhero fiction novels. Not really my cup of tea, but he was a great client. It took me five years before I decided to pick up one of his books (one more in my realm of interest and in audiobook format, thankfully). It might be a bit rude to say, but I did not expect a lot.

I'm glad to have been wrong. Horde was actually a lot of fun. The adventure itself was engaging, the characters were amusing, and the jokes were, though admittedly pretty dumb, still pretty hilarious. I feel like the book successfully grabbed me and my standards and dragged us both down in the mud to meet it. I came out a bit messy, a bit humbled, and chuckling like a fool.

I did have some issues with a few choices the author made - like Elvish just being French - but it didn't come up often enough to really grate on my nerves. All in all, I had a great time.

I'm not sure I'd pick up Ian Thomas Healy's usual stuff (again, not my cup of tea), but I'd absolutely be down for another fantasy romp. I'd even want to get in on doing the cover illustration for one.

A ribald and rollicking good time!

I haven’t had this much fun with an audiobook since I’m not sure when! The pacing of the story moves you along nicely through new settings and misadventures, with never a dull moment. This book is rife with the sort of mischievous wit and joy you’d expect to find in the best D&D campaigns among friends. And call me a child, but the raunchy humor had me grinning like an idiot throughout!

The performer did an incredible job as well- each character with their own recognizable voice and manner that really added another layer to the experience. I can’t wait to hear more of Ian’s work- especially the delightful fantasy he is so gifted with.

Enjoyable Fantasy Adventure

I received this book for free. I am voluntarily leaving this review and all opinions expressed herein are my own.

It is a well written story about two orcs who are brothers. One brother, Paug, is considered smart and can read. The other brother, Milph, is not. One night Paug decides to set out on an adventure and Milph decides to tag along. At the beginning of their travels, the orc brothers come upon a wizard and while the wizard is going to the bathroom, they rob him of his wand, money and a map. They then meet Hodak the Inconsequential, who helps them understand that the map is a treasure map. So, they gather a few more companions and all set out to follow the map.

This was a well paced and written light-hearted fantasy adventure with characters who were interesting, likeable, humorous and a bit obsessed with "pleasures of the flesh." I really enjoyed it but my only complaint - the ending. It seemed a bit sudden and wrapped everything up in a bow. It is a complete story [no cliffhanger] but, there could easily be a sequel as these characters deal with the aftermath of their adventure.

The narrator, Nick Jermyn, did a good job voicing all the different characters - monsters, humans, elves, orcs, dwarves, etc. He enhanced the fun adventorous world in which all of these characters live.

Very fun book

Good characters, fun story, easy to listen to. Very enjoyable with a wonderful mix of humor.