Showing results by narrator "Sean Schemmel" in All Categories

Fans of the #1 bests eller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through this hysterical new audiobook. The story begins when Justin announces that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend. "You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel fucking universe."

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him.

'At 28 years old, I found myself living at home, with my 73-year-old father. As a child, my father never minced words, and when I screwed up, he had a way of cutting right through the bullshit and pointing out exactly why I was being an idiot. When I moved back in I was still, for the most part, an idiot. But this time, I was smart enough to write down all the things he said to me…'

Morris the moose can't read or count. So he decides to go to school. Morris is thrilled after a day of A, B, C's, 1, 2, 3's, hoof-painting, and make-believe he can finally count gumdrops!

Space Cat and his trusty robot, Earl, are forced to land their rocket on a strange planet. Space Cat has to find more fuel to get home. Will he ever blast off again?

When Mommy decides to surprise Cassie with a newly painted bedroom, she is careful to put Marley in the garage before she gets started. But as soon as her back is turned, Marley ventures into the house to "help." By the time he's done, the messy dog is in need of a little help himself! In this easy-to-follow story, Marley's good intentions lead to a series of mishaps that will entertain and delight young readers.

When Daddy and Cassie go to a baseball game with their dog in tow, Marley not only roots for the home team - he howls! With balls to catch, bats to chew and slobber on, and an entire field to dig up, Marley is having the time of his life. Will the team manage to shoo him off the diamond before Marley's wild ways cost them the game? Marley has won the hearts of millions of dog lovers, thanks to his hilarious antics and unwavering affection. Now the star of a new I Can Read! series, Marley brings his trademark misbehavior to the world of beginning readers.

In the town of Ghostly, where every house is haunted, two ghosts are frightened.... Someone is haunting them with mysterious sounds: Clack, cluckity-cluck bing, blub blub. Or is it click, cluck-clackity cling, flub flub? They can't agree on what the sounds are, but they know they're not ghostly noises. What could be more scary? Good thing ace reporter Dirk Bones is on the case. Dirk writes for the town newspaper, The Ghostly Tombs, and as he collects the facts for his stories, he also solves mysteries.

No one thinks one or two snowflakes will amount to anything. Not the man with the hat or the lady with the umbrella. Not even the television or the radio forecasters. But one boy and his dog have faith that the snow will amount to something spectacular, and when flakes start to swirl down on the city, they are also the only ones who know how to truly enjoy it.

Marley’s family has spent months growing a giant pumpkin to take to the fair. When the big day finally arrives, Mommy, Daddy, Cassie, and Baby Louie try to be extra careful with their blue-ribbon pumpkin. But with a dog like Marley around, being careful isn't always enough!

Matt Stevens is as tough as a steak from the school cafeteria. He's a seventh grade private eye, and he just did something he said he's never do. He accepted a job from Vincent "Vinny Biggs" Biggio, the kid behind every illegal deal made at Franklin Middle School, from black market candy to forged hall passes.

A family snow day presents Marley with the perfect opportunity for some mischief, but Marley surprises everyone with his good behavior. Could Marley be a natural snow dog?

'At 28 years old, I found myself living at home, with my 73-year-old father. As a child, my father never minced words, and when I screwed up, he had a way of cutting right through the bullshit and pointing out exactly why I was being an idiot. When I moved back in I was still, for the most part, an idiot. But this time, I was smart enough to write down all the things he said to me…'

When Marley's family gets angry at him, Marley runs away from home. Who knew one little dog could get into such big trouble? Will Marley's family find him?

In the town of Ghostly, where everything is spooky, something really strange is going on: Books are disappearing! And not just any books - only those written by the famous author Edgar Bleek. Luckily ace reporter Dirk Bones is on the case. As Dirk tracks down information about the only clue - a weird spotted leaf - the mystery gets even more bizarre. What is happening in Ghostly? Expect the unexpected in this second Dirk Bones mystery about a fearless reporter in a town full of silly, creepy creatures.

Marley's family has two new kittens - Lucky and Yow-Yow. Marley loves to teach his new friends all about life at the house. But can Marley learn a thing or two from them?

Woof! Woof! Woof! Marley barks at tricycles. Marley barks at trucks. Marley barks at mailmen... neighbors... even other dogs! His job is to let his family know when important things happen. But after all his barking, when something really important happens, will Marley’s family still pay attention? Beginning readers will enjoy Marley’s hilarious antics in Marley: The Dog Who Cried Woof, the perfect addition to the I Can Read! series inspired by John Grogan’s best-selling picture books.

The cow, the deer, and the horse have four legs and a tail, just like Morris. But none of these animals is a moose! These different animals have one thing in common—their friendship.

Jeepers peepers! Cassie’s class hatched chicks at school, and Cassie gets to bring them home for the weekend to share with her family. The chicks are very cute, but will need a lot of attention... which Marley soon finds out. While Cassie is out of the house on a playdate, leaving Marley to babysit, the chicks get loose from their cage and begin to run around the house! Can Marley round up the chicks before Cassie gets back, or will the temptation to have a playdate of his own be too great for him to resist? Find out in this lively story!

Morris the Moose has never been to the circus, so his friend Boris takes him there. When the ringmaster invites Morris to be part of the show, the fun begins for everyone - except poor Boris!