Showing results by narrator "Jon Culshaw" in All Categories

Insurrection is in the air in the city of Ankh-Morpork. The Haves and Have-Nots are about to fall out all over again. Captain Sam Vimes of the city's ramshackle Night Watch is used to this. It's enough to drive a man to drink. Well, to drink more. But this time, something is different - the Have-Nots have found the key to a dormant, lethal weapon that even they don't fully understand and they're about to unleash a campaign of terror on the city. Time for Captain Vimes to sober up.

For Commander Vimes, Head of Ankh-Morpork City Watch, life consists of troubling times, linked together by...well, more troubling times. Right now, it's the latter. There's a werewolf with pre-lunar tension in the city and a dwarf with attitude and a golem who's begun to think for itself, but that's just ordinary trouble. The real problem is more puzzling - people are being murdered, but there's no trace of anything alive having been at the crime scene.

When the neighbours in question are the proud empires of Klatch and Ankh-Morpork, those are going to be some pretty large garden tools indeed. Of course, no-one would dream of starting a war without a perfectly good reason...such as a 'strategic' piece of old rock in the middle of nowhere. It is after all every citizen's right to bear arms to defend their own. Even if it isn't technically their own. And even if they don't have much in the way of actual weaponry.

They say that diplomacy is a gentle art. That mastering it is a lifetime's work. But you do need a certain inclination in that direction. It's not something you can just pick up on the job. A few days ago Sam Vimes was a copper - an important copper, true - chief of police - but still, at his core, a policeman. But today he is an ambassador - to the mysterious, fat-rich country of Uberwald. Today, Sam Vimes is also a man on the run. At some point during his ambassadorship, things went very wrong. It's snowing. It's freezing.

The City Watch needs men! But what it's got includes Corporal Carrot (technically a dwarf), Lance-Constable Cuddy (really a dwarf), Lance-Constable Detritus (a troll), Lance-Constable Angua (a woman...most of the time) and Corporal Nobbs (disqualified from the human race for shoving). And they need all the help they can get, because someone in Ankh-Morpork has been getting dangerous ideas - about crowns and legendary swords and destiny.

Long, long ago, in a gods-forsaken hellhole called Koom Valley, trolls and dwarfs met in bloody combat. Centuries later, each side still views the other with simmering animosity that has been heightened of late because of one Grag Hamcrusher. The influential dwarf has been fomenting unrest among a section of Ankh-Morpork’s citizenry—a volatile situation made far worse when the petite provocateur is discovered bashed to death . . . with a troll club lying conveniently nearby.

A delightfully funny, fantastically inventive collection of twenty unearthed short stories by Sir Terry Pratchett, the award-winning and bestselling author and creator of the phenomenally successful Discworld fantasy series. These rediscovered tales were written by Terry Pratchett under a pseudonym for British newspapers during the 1970s and 1980s. The stories have never been attributed to him until now, and might never have been found—were it not for the efforts of a few dedicated fans.

With its wickedly funny mimicry and on-point parodies, Dead Ringers became an instant classic when it hit the airwaves in January 2000. In these four series, first broadcast between 2020 and 2023, the team give us their inimitable impersonations of the famous and infamous: from Donald Trump and Joe Biden to Liz Truss, Professor Chris Whitty and Holly Willoughby.

At long last, Lady Sybil has lured her husband, Sam Vimes, on a well-deserved and long-overdue holiday. But for the commander of the City Watch, a vacation in the country is anything but relaxing. The balls, the teas, the muck—not to mention all that fresh air and birdsong—are more than a bit taxing on a cynical city-born and -bred copper.

Jon Culshaw reads this classic novelisation of Doctor Who's special 20th Anniversary TV adventure, featuring the Doctor in each of his first five incarnations. Each one has been removed from his time-stream and - with one unfortunate exception - brought to the Death Zone on Gallifrey. There, they - along with an array of their loyal former companions - encounter numerous deadly obstacles including Daleks, Cybermen, Yeti, the Master and a fiendish set of puzzles. Who is the ultimate enemy they must all unite to defeat?

Five exciting novelisations of classic TV stories in which the Doctor and his companions encounter a colourful assortment of aliens.

Football has come to the ancient city of Ankh-Morpork - not the old fashioned, grubby pushing and shoving but the new, fast football with pointy hats for goalposts and balls that go gloing when you drop them. And now, the wizards of Unseen University must win a football match, without using magic, so they're in the mood for trying everything else. The prospect of the Big Match draws in a street urchin with a wonderful talent for kicking a tin can, a maker of jolly good pies, a dim but beautiful young woman who might just turn out to be the greatest fashion model there has ever been, and the mysterious Mr Nutt.

Five exciting novelisations of classic TV stories in which the Doctor and his companions encounter a colourful assortment of aliens.

Are you ready to meet the World’s Worst Children? Five beastly boys and five gruesome girls! Like Sofia Sofa – a TV super-fan so stuck to the sofa that she’s turning into one! Or Dribbling Drew – a boy whose drool gets him into trouble on a school trip! And not forgetting Blubbering Bertha – a girl who bawls and tells terrible tales! Ready for more? The beastly boys and gruesome girls in this book are even ruder, even more disgusting and WORSE than you could ever imagine! Just when you thought it was safe to go back to your bookshelf, 10 more horrendously hilarious stories!

The hugely powerful Key to Time has been split into six segments, all of which have been disguised and hidden throughout time and space. Now the even more powerful White Guardian wants the Doctor to find the pieces. With the first segment successfully retrieved, the Doctor, Romana and K9 trace the second segment of the Key to the planet Calufrax. But when they arrive at exactly the right point in space, they find themselves on exactly the wrong planet - Zanak.

For a policeman, there can be few things worse than a serial killer loose in your city. Except, perhaps, a serial killer who targets coppers, and a city on the brink of bloody revolution. For Commander Sam Vimes, it all feels horribly familiar. Caught on the roof of a very magical building during a storm, he's found himself back in his own rough, tough past without even the clothes he was standing up in when the lightning struck. Living in the past is hard, especially when your time travel companion is a serial killer who knows where you live.

From the phenomenal number-one best seller David Walliams comes another collection of more hilariously horrible children! Just when you thought it was safe to go back to your bookshelf, 10 more horrendously hilarious stories about the absolute worst children ever! From 10-year-old Hank and his endless pranks on his poor, long-suffering family to Tandy and her titanic tantrums, this brand-new collection is the perfect companion to World's Worst Children books 1 and 2 and an ideal gift for the worst children in your life!

Five classic novelisations of TV stories involving space travel and adventure.

In Daleks: The Chase the First Doctor and his friends must flee from the path of a Dalek execution squad. The Macra Terror awaits the Second Doctor, Ben, Polly and Jamie within an apparently idyllic Earth colony, whilst in Doctor Who and the Web of Fear the Yeti have colonised the London Underground, at the behest of the Great Intelligence. Doctor Who and the Mutants relates the oppression of the Solonian people at the hands of Earth authorities, and in Doctor Who and the State of Decay the Doctor, Romana, Adric and K9 encounter the terrifying Great Vampire.

Landing on an apparently devastated planet, the Doctor and Romana make a horrifying discovery. The planet is Skaro, home-world of the Daleks. The Daleks are excavating in order to find and revive Davros, the scientific genius who first created them. They hope that he will give them the scientific superiority to break the deadlock with their Movellan enemies. Faced once more with the deadly and seemingly indestructible Daleks, the Doctor's wits and strength are stretched to their very limits.