Showing results by author "Greg Proops" in All Categories

Hello Romans, welcome to AudibleProops where the Empire is on fire and the Emperor is yelling "liberal". In this dizzying journey behind the news and the lies that make up the news, Proops promises to inform, insult and then cry alone in his room. He's dropping the bomb on the chariot races and, by Zeus, we're off to the races. Proops is eager to read Mrs. Lynne Cheney's post-third-debate-comments verbatim about what a bad, bad man John Kerry is for outing her openly gay daughter.

All right, Christ, Buddha, and Zoroaster all walk into a bar...no, this is one you haven't heard before. We leave it up to master Proops to bring light to this trio. Also, Reagan's pale carbon copy? Gee, who could Greg be talking about? Tune in.

This special edition of Audible Proops has no jokes, but Greg Proops says you should listen anyway. It was recorded September 13, 2001.

Proops serves up a hearty stew of celebrity quips loaded with chunks of irony for your listening pleasure. Liz Hurley is pregnant and Proops wants to know about celebrity sex. Speaking of sex, Sex in the City is back and, well, Proops will admit it's funny, in spite of Sarah Jessica Parker's terminal case of cuteness. Proops reminds everyone that teens will still be teens, what with Prince William coming of age and smoking jazz cigarettes.

Hello, pesky liberals! Festive swearing and baroque insults abound as the White House hands out Medals of Freedom to everyone performing violent rear-end assault on the Constitution. Also, we find out that the secular Jews who run Hollywood love anal sex, not Jesus biopics, and that Jessica Simpson's dad is hyper-aware of his daughter's cup size. Then, conservatives lay it out straight: you either love children, or you love abortion. What's it gonna be?

Hello, piglets of the new millennium! Proops starts this episode off with a mournful piece about Brad and Jen's breakup. Why can't two moderately talented, fairly attractive, reasonably wealthy people stay together? Proops knows, and he's telling. Also, Prince Harry's recent Nazi dress up incident may put him high among the ranks of idiotic rich people.

Stand to!...for a journey into Greg's favorite part of Italy: Self Induglia. Hold on fast, as this is but a stone's throw from Self Loathia. He's qualified to "rock the mike" and is cooler than you - and has all the reasons in the Union to back this up. Listen to him, you might benefit. And if any sticks, it's yours. Free (no extras, no hiddens). Isn't Greg a jolly-good fellow?

Welcome to the cavern of grumpiness, the source of the bitterness river, where the burning waters never stop whining. That would also be the studio of Greg Proops. Here, not only Teri Garr and Rob Lowe, but additionally, poorly cast movie stars are considered in Greg's review of how the Oscars should be re-vamped. He also touches on the loosening of pot laws in Switzerland, Darwinism as applied to high-risk sportsters, and Timothy McVeigh as martyr to other extremists.

Ol' Disgruntled, the comedy farmer, is back! He's delivering vitriolic vittles to the humor-starved tables of the liberal NPR listeners - listing things he hates and, well, if he must, things he doesn't hate too. Greg tackles the drinking habits of English hens and pleads for mercy from stories of the sexual habits of California Rep. Gary Condit.

Welcome back, campers! It's feeding time. Here, Greg serves up a delicious meal starting with his thoughts on Dubya meeting with foreign leaders, then moving right on to foot-and-mouth disease. Tasty, no? If after this you're still hungry, indulge yourself as Greg explains why inductees into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame should battle it out Survivor-style. (Burp)

The Year "Never." In this installment, Greg riffs on American Beauty (13 top reasons why the movie "sucks"), doing comedy for the overpriviledged and jaded, Germany's 1932 election, and various and sundry rants on women, abortion, and RU-486.

For Adults Only: Explicit language. Must be 18 years of age to purchase.

Were it up to Greg, Robert Downey Jr. would be nominated President extant and emeritus of the Screen Actor's Guild. Why the American tourist in space is wrong, wrong, wrong; why we scored with W, what would Gore do?; what's going on in Venlo, Holland (drive-through drug shops), and more.

Hang on to your hats, dudes and dudettes. Greg's back, with a recently uncovered show from the not-so-distant archives. He's anxious for the celebrity deathmatch between Jeb Bush and Janet Reno, smug about Clarence Thomas, over-identifying with the movie Memento, stunned by loads of Viagra sent to self-obsessed billionaires, and ever vigilant for those poor, poor celebs suffering from IPD - Imagined Personality Disorder.

Hello ungrateful nippers and welcome to this editon of AudibleProops, the biggest circus tent of them all, where everyone is encouraged to sit back and listen to the sweet sounds of Proops' opinions. Just back from another jaunt in Canadia, Proops says of all the things Alberta has to offer, a great hockey team and a liberal opinion are not on the list. Then, Dan Rather lied to the people and the Nation has been shaken to its core. Really.

Hello, Love Children. This week, Proops is reporting live (on tape!) from Saskatchewan (a.k.a. "Foxskatchewan") where the glorious Canadian landscape offers plenty of space for Proops to consider exactly what's wrong with the U.S. From L.A. drivers to ever more ridiculous smoking bans to Florida hockey teams making off with the Stanley cup, Proops has a nice warm cup of vitriol waiting just for you.

Hello, fellow consumers. In light of the recent brawling ballers debacle, Proops tells us why basketball is the one American sport that is consistently violent enough to actually be entertaining. Then, conservative Ann Coultier makes a great moral measuring stick: if she is against an issue, then that issue must be inherently right and true. Proops also reminds us that conservative talk show hosts can never truthfully invoke the opinion of "the people", since they don't actually know any.

Poison darts at the ready! Proops, a.k.a Uncle Bummer, has a new batch of his curare-laced barbs for you. This potent brew adds two cups of Bush's current working vacation, a heaping of the Genoa police-fest, and a pinch of scantily-clad Mariah to taste. Spare stem cells anyone?

For Adults Only: Explicit language. Must be 18 years of age to purchase.

Inauguration's done, so let's do the do. The Proopdog riffs on the new leader of the (gulp) free world. Plus, Greg is invited to sit at the Republican Presidential Roundtable! Dig in. You have to hear it to believe it.

Ahoy little nippers, and let the Commodore of Crankiness welcome you aboard the hate boat! Set Dick Cheney's defibrillator on stun, and let's get going! First, the Oscars: why we keep getting sucked back into it, why Greg thinks they suck, and why the Golden Globes will always be better. Second, too many stars slow up Traffic, says Greg. Plus, Shakespeare got high and the Blue Man Group. Jump on!

Proops in the USO? Yes, kids, it's true. Proops is back from a quick tour of the Middle East where he and his pal Drew Carey entertained the troops. But that doesn't mean he missed the Bush's State of the Union address or the looming axis of evil - Iran, Iraq, and Enron? Speaking of Enron, Proops has some suggestions for the public flogging of former Enron CEO Kenneth Lay - get yer rotten tomatoes in the slingshots and just fire away! Also, Proops offers Britney Spears come career advice.