What the Hell Happened to Me?
The Truth About Menopause and Beyond
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What the Hell Happened to Me?
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Narrated by:
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Joette Waters
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By:
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Ellen Goldberg
About this listen
Ladies, if you "feel the heat go up your neck, and your armpits drip with sweat, you're hands have gotten clammy and your clothes are soaking wet," unless you're running through the Mohave desert, you're in menopause. If you've looked into the mirror and wondered "What the hell happened to me?" You're probably beyond menopause.
Either way, this audiobook is for you. Two dozen hilarious rhymes covering everything from wrinkles to spider veins, falling body parts to skin tags, flatulence to muffin tops, and on and on. You know what's been happening to you, now it's time to find out what's coming just around the corner. Written with an irreverent, dry sense of humor it's the perfect antidote for dealing with the trials and tribulations of getting older.
So spend those sweaty, sleepless nights with these 24 funny ladies and know you're not alone. If you can only remember to buy it, you're bound to have some great, big, bloated belly laughs!
©2013 Ellen Goldberg (P)2013 Gildan Media LLCListeners also enjoyed...
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- By: Yoko Tawada, Margaret Mitsutani - translator
- Narrated by: Julian Cihi
- Length: 4 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 85
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 70
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Story4 out of 5 stars 69
Japan, after suffering from a massive irreparable disaster, cuts itself off from the world. Children are so weak they can barely stand or walk: the only people with any get-go are the elderly. Mumei lives with his grandfather Yoshiro, who worries about him constantly. They carry on a day-to-day routine in what could be viewed as a post-Fukushima time, with all the children born ancient - frail and gray-haired, yet incredibly compassionate and wise. Mumei may be enfeebled and feverish, but he is a beacon of hope, full of wit and free of self-pity and pessimism.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Tedious. Waste of time.
- By Kenneth McGovern on 02-17-19
By: Yoko Tawada, and others
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Lovesick
- By: T.L. Smith
- Narrated by: Lauren Sweet, Rock Engle
- Length: 6 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 52
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 50
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 51
I couldn't do broken. Broken is what he was. Broken is what I will always be. To his eyes, that held so much despair, I couldn't look for long. To his fist, that clenched so tightly, like he was locking away the sorrow. To his lips, that never uttered a word, from the years of heartbreak. And despite it all, I couldn't stay away from him. It was like he was drowning in an ocean, and I wanted to grab his face, and whisper to his lips, "Don't forget to breathe."
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2 out of 5 stars
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WOW... I TOTALLY MISJUDGED THIS BOOK
- By CAROLYN 🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹 on 09-18-17
By: T.L. Smith
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Johnny Got His Gun
- By: Dalton Trumbo
- Narrated by: William Dufris
- Length: 7 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 982
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 857
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 860
This was no ordinary war. This was a war to make the world safe for democracy. And if democracy was made safe, then nothing else mattered - not the millions of dead bodies, nor the thousands of ruined lives. This is no ordinary novel. This is the story of a young American soldier terribly maimed in World War I - he "survives" armless, legless, and faceless, but with his mind intact.
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5 out of 5 stars
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READ THE INTRODUCTION LAST
- By Carollynn7 on 11-27-11
By: Dalton Trumbo
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Zac and Mia
- By: A.J. Betts
- Narrated by: Kristin Condon, Nick Mondelli
- Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 59
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 51
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 50
”When I was little I believed in Jesus and Santa, spontaneous combustion, and the Loch Ness Monster. Now I believe in science, statistics, and antibiotics.” So says 17-year-old Zac Meier during a long, grueling leukemia treatment in Perth, Australia. A loud blast of Lady Gaga alerts him to the presence of Mia, the angry, not-at-all-stoic cancer patient in the room next door. Once released, the two near-strangers can't forget each other, even as they desperately try to resume normal lives.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Cute story
- By Caitlin E. on 08-11-19
By: A.J. Betts
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I Heart My Little A-Holes
- A Bunch of Holy-Crap Moments No One Ever Told You About Parenting
- By: Karen Alpert
- Narrated by: Karen Alpert
- Length: 3 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 119
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 107
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Story4 out of 5 stars 108
Popular blogger Karen Alpert shares her hysterical take on the many "joys" of parenting - I Heart My Little A-Holes is full of hilarious stories, lists, thoughts and pictures that will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Hilarious
- By Stephanie on 04-29-14
By: Karen Alpert
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Nappily Ever After
- A Novel
- By: Trisha R. Thomas
- Narrated by: Lisa Reneé Pitts
- Length: 9 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 487
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 424
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 422
Venus Johnston has a great job and a long-term, live-in boyfriend who happens to be a drop-dead gorgeous doctor. She also has a weekly beauty-parlor date to keep her long, nappy hair slick and straight. But the tedious hours and harsh chemicals in the salon have long grated on Venus. One frustrating day, she trades in the long hair for a dramatically short, natural cut and sends her commitment-balking boyfriend packing. It's a bold declaration of independence and one that has effects she never could have imagined.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Great
- By Laura K. on 08-21-09
By: Trisha R. Thomas
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Manic
- A Memoir
- By: Terri Cheney
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 6 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 266
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 232
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 232
On the outside, Terri Cheney was a highly successful, attractive Beverly Hills entertainment lawyer. But behind her seemingly flawless facade lay a dangerous secret - for the better part of her life, Cheney had been battling debilitating bipolar disorder and concealing a pharmacy's worth of prescriptions meant to stabilize her moods and make her "normal". In bursts of prose that mirror the devastating highs and extreme lows of her illness, Cheney describes her roller-coaster life with shocking honesty.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Amazing
- By Kelly Ranasinghe on 04-26-18
By: Terri Cheney
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Beauty from Pain
- By: Georgia Cates
- Narrated by: Bunny Warren, Robert Black
- Length: 9 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 858
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 804
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 801
Jack McLachlan is a winemaking magnate and easily one of Australia's most eligible bachelors. His success and wealth makes him no stranger to the complications of romantic relationships and that's why he goes to extreme measures to avoid the hassle. He prefers simplicity in the form of a beautiful female companion with no strings attached. He arranges relationships like business deals and they're always the same. No long term relationships. No real names.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Yummy
- By Leesa on 11-07-13
By: Georgia Cates
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The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer (Twin Peaks)
- By: Jennifer Lynch
- Narrated by: Sheryl Lee
- Length: 6 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 970
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 892
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 885
Lifeless and wrapped in plastic. This is how Sheryl Lee was first introduced as "Laura Palmer" in the cult television classic, Twin Peaks. Now, Sheryl returns to voice Laura's darkest secrets in the audiobook event that fans of the show have long awaited.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Wrapped in plastic
- By Phillip Frangules on 05-08-17
By: Jennifer Lynch
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Don't Leave Me This Way
- Or When I Get Back on My Feet You'll Be Sorry
- By: Julia Fox Garrison
- Narrated by: Joyce Bean
- Length: 8 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 99
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 86
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 86
Julia Fox Garrison refused to listen to the professionals she called Dr. Jerk and Dr. Panic, who - after she suffered a massive, debilitating stroke at age thirty-seven - told her she’d probably die, or to Nurse Doom, who ignored her emergency call button. Instead she heeded the advice of kind, gifted Dr. Neuro, who promised her he would “treat your mind as well as your body.” Julia figured if she could somehow manage to get herself into a wheelchair, at least she’d always find parking. But after many, many months of hospitalization and rehab, Julia not only got into a wheelchair, but she got back out.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Heroic Story
- By Pamela Harvey on 02-29-12
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Tiger, Tiger
- A Memoir
- By: Margaux Fragoso
- Narrated by: Susan Bennett
- Length: 12 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 233
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 200
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 200
One summer day, Margaux Fragoso meets Peter Curran at the neighborhood swimming pool, and they begin to play. She is seven; he is 51. When Peter invites her and her mother to his house, the little girl finds a child’s paradise of exotic pets and an elaborate backyard garden. Her mother, beset by mental illness and overwhelmed by caring for Margaux, is grateful for the attention Peter lavishes on her, and he creates an imaginative universe for her, much as Lewis Carroll did for his real-life Alice.
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3 out of 5 stars
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a weirdly loving diatribe against pervs.
- By Dane Flakeman on 05-21-11
By: Margaux Fragoso
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Impulse
- By: Ellen Hopkins
- Narrated by: Laura Flanagan, Jeremy Guskin, Steve Coombs
- Length: 6 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 438
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 359
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 364
The handsome son of wealthy parents, Connor has everything anyone could want...except his family's love and affection. Jailed for years after killing his mother's child-molesting boyfriend, Tony is confused about his sexuality. Manic-depressive Vanessa cuts herself. All three stories intertwine in a brutally honest story about pain and resilience.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Everything to want in a book❤️
- By Jazmine on 07-04-15
By: Ellen Hopkins
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How to Get Run Over by a Truck
- A Memoir
- By: Katie McKenna
- Narrated by: Katie McKenna
- Length: 8 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,500
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,385
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,384
People often say, "I feel like I've been run over by a truck." Katie actually was. On a sunny morning bike ride in Brooklyn, 24-year-old Katie McKenna was forever changed when she was run over by an 18-wheeler. Being crushed under a massive semi wasn't something Katie should have survived. After 10 hours of emergency surgery, she woke to find herself in a body and a life that would never be the same.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Funny and an amazing story.
- By T. Thompson on 12-16-16
By: Katie McKenna
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Any Man
- A Novel
- By: Amber Tamblyn
- Narrated by: Glenn Davis, Robin Miles, Therese Plummer, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 489
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 446
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 445
In this electric and provocative debut novel, Amber Tamblyn blends genres of poetry, prose, and elements of suspense to give shape to the shocking narratives of victims of sexual violence, mapping the destructive ways in which our society perpetuates rape culture, brilliantly brought to life through a multi-voice performance featuring Glenn Davis, Ben Foster, Marc Maron, Jason Ritter, John Roberts, Russ Tamblyn, Amber Tamblyn, January Lavoy, Phoebe Strole, Robin Miles, Thérèse Plummer, Dan Bittner, James Fouhey, and Michael Crouch.
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5 out of 5 stars
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I've been finished with this for hours
- By Bill on 06-29-18
By: Amber Tamblyn
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Manservant
- By: Shari J. Ryan, Lisa Brown - editor
- Narrated by: Victoria Mei
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 31
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 29
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Story4 out of 5 stars 29
I just wanted an easy summer job.... That didn’t happen. Now, I’m in a living nightmare as I work alongside this monster of a man with mesmerizing emerald eyes that look at me inappropriately every time I see him. To add insult to injury, he has a tan I just want to lick, and a butt worth drooling over every time he purposefully walks by me. But, he's an asshat, and looks are everything. I mean, aren't. LOOKS. ARE. NOT. EVERYTHING. Why do I have to keep reminding myself of this? This is a story of little restraint, too much desire, questionable actions, and the best sex I've ever had.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Glad I listened to the second book first
- By Mary's older sister on 11-02-18
By: Shari J. Ryan, and others
What listeners say about What the Hell Happened to Me?
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Overall1 out of 5 stars
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Performance1 out of 5 stars
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Story1 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 10-07-15
Waste of time
I downloaded this to get a better understanding of pre-menopause for my wife. It was not helpful. Total waste of audible credit
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