If You Give a Kid a Cookie, Will He Shut the F--k Up?
A Parody for Adults
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
Prime members: New to Audible?Get 2 free audiobooks during trial.
If You Give a Kid a Cookie, Will He Shut the F--k Up?
Buy for $1.49
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Bobcat Goldthwait
-
By:
-
Marcy Roznick
About this listen
Before they Go the F**k to Sleep, they need to Shut the F**k Up. If you give a kid a cookie, will he shut the f**k up? That is the question at the heart of this hilarious, deeply honest, profanity-laced book for parents who will do whatever it takes for a moment’s peace.
What really happens when you give in to your child’s tantrums? The events that follow this seemingly simple act will test parents to the breaking point… while entertaining the millions of us who have been there ourselves (and lived to tell). Also a cautionary and instructive tale for new parents, If You Give a Kid a Cookie, Will He Shut the F**k Up? is a must-have for every family library collection. Just keep it on the top shelf.
©2011 Marcy Roznick (P)2011 Macmillan AudioListeners also enjoyed...
-
Go the F--k to Sleep
- By: Adam Mansbach, Ricardo Cortes - illustrator
- Narrated by: Samuel L. Jackson
- Length: 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 22,861
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 17,251
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 17,076
Academy Award nominee Samuel L. Jackson ( Pulp Fiction) rocks this mock bedtime story, capturing a hilarious range of emotions as the voice of a father struggling to get his child to sleep. Go the F**k to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Read the F--king REVIEW!
- By Darwin8u on 05-21-12
By: Adam Mansbach, and others
-
You Have to F--king Eat
- By: Adam Mansbach
- Narrated by: Bryan Cranston
- Length: 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 4,530
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 4,125
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 4,100
Emmy Award-winning actor Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad, Malcom in the Middle) follows in the exasperated footsteps of Samuel L. Jackson, giving voice to the long-suffering father whose indifferent child will just not eat in this hilarious follow-up to Adam Mansbach's international best seller, Go the F--k to Sleep.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Another role that Bryan Cranston plays to a T.
- By Darren on 11-12-14
By: Adam Mansbach
-
Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?
- By: Bill Martin Jr., Eric Carle
- Narrated by: Gwyneth Paltrow
- Length: 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 227
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 182
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 179
With more than 7 million copies in print in various formats and languages, Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? Is one of the most treasured children's books of all time. The narration, provided by Academy Award winning actress Gwyneth Paltrow, comes from a Grammy-nominated recording, which is sure to bring warmth and humor to children and parents alike.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
good
- By Nicole on 09-24-12
By: Bill Martin Jr., and others
-
Green Eggs and Ham
- By: Dr. Seuss
- Narrated by: Jason Alexander
- Length: 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 1,192
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 929
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 923
With his unmistakable characters and signature rhymes, Dr. Seuss's beloved beginner book has cemented its place as a children's classic. Follow Sam I Am as he tries to convince an acquaintance that green eggs and ham is, indeed, a delectable meal to be savored everywhere and every way.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Good music and sound effects
- By Will on 01-27-16
By: Dr. Seuss
-
Grim
- Tornians Book 1
- By: M.K. Eidem
- Narrated by: Commodore James, Laura Jennings
- Length: 12 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,713
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,396
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3,396
King Grim Vasteri is the strongest and most feared warrior in the Tornian Empire. He is the King of Luda, blood brother to the Emperor, and his line will die with him. He will have no offspring for no female would join with him for once he was scarred he was considered "unfit". The Tornian Empire has been dying ever since the great infection caused the birth of females to become a rarity. Since then they have been searching the known universes for compatible females.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
SO DANG GOOD!!!
- By Candateshia Pafford on 02-08-15
By: M.K. Eidem
-
Si-cology 1
- Tales and Wisdom from Duck Dynasty's Favorite Uncle
- By: Si Robertson, Mark Schlabach
- Narrated by: Si Robertson
- Length: 4 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 573
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 512
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 515
The brother of patriarch Phil Robertson, Uncle Si has a limitless supply of stories about his childhood, duck hunting adventures, his days in Vietnam, and everything in between. Now the best of those tales are gathered into this roaring collection.
Si shares stories of the more than 25 marriage proposals he's received in the mail (some with photos!), how he came to use a green Tupperware cup for his ever-present sweet tea, and how his cigarette smoke made a deer cough (he's since quit smoking).
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Audible's description inaccurate
- By Woody on 09-27-13
By: Si Robertson, and others
-
Go the F--k to Sleep
- By: Adam Mansbach, Ricardo Cortes - illustrator
- Narrated by: Samuel L. Jackson
- Length: 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 22,861
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 17,251
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 17,076
Academy Award nominee Samuel L. Jackson ( Pulp Fiction) rocks this mock bedtime story, capturing a hilarious range of emotions as the voice of a father struggling to get his child to sleep. Go the F**k to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Read the F--king REVIEW!
- By Darwin8u on 05-21-12
By: Adam Mansbach, and others
-
You Have to F--king Eat
- By: Adam Mansbach
- Narrated by: Bryan Cranston
- Length: 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 4,530
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 4,125
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 4,100
Emmy Award-winning actor Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad, Malcom in the Middle) follows in the exasperated footsteps of Samuel L. Jackson, giving voice to the long-suffering father whose indifferent child will just not eat in this hilarious follow-up to Adam Mansbach's international best seller, Go the F--k to Sleep.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Another role that Bryan Cranston plays to a T.
- By Darren on 11-12-14
By: Adam Mansbach
-
Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?
- By: Bill Martin Jr., Eric Carle
- Narrated by: Gwyneth Paltrow
- Length: 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 227
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 182
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 179
With more than 7 million copies in print in various formats and languages, Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? Is one of the most treasured children's books of all time. The narration, provided by Academy Award winning actress Gwyneth Paltrow, comes from a Grammy-nominated recording, which is sure to bring warmth and humor to children and parents alike.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
good
- By Nicole on 09-24-12
By: Bill Martin Jr., and others
-
Green Eggs and Ham
- By: Dr. Seuss
- Narrated by: Jason Alexander
- Length: 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 1,192
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 929
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 923
With his unmistakable characters and signature rhymes, Dr. Seuss's beloved beginner book has cemented its place as a children's classic. Follow Sam I Am as he tries to convince an acquaintance that green eggs and ham is, indeed, a delectable meal to be savored everywhere and every way.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Good music and sound effects
- By Will on 01-27-16
By: Dr. Seuss
-
Grim
- Tornians Book 1
- By: M.K. Eidem
- Narrated by: Commodore James, Laura Jennings
- Length: 12 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,713
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,396
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3,396
King Grim Vasteri is the strongest and most feared warrior in the Tornian Empire. He is the King of Luda, blood brother to the Emperor, and his line will die with him. He will have no offspring for no female would join with him for once he was scarred he was considered "unfit". The Tornian Empire has been dying ever since the great infection caused the birth of females to become a rarity. Since then they have been searching the known universes for compatible females.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
SO DANG GOOD!!!
- By Candateshia Pafford on 02-08-15
By: M.K. Eidem
-
Si-cology 1
- Tales and Wisdom from Duck Dynasty's Favorite Uncle
- By: Si Robertson, Mark Schlabach
- Narrated by: Si Robertson
- Length: 4 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 573
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 512
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 515
The brother of patriarch Phil Robertson, Uncle Si has a limitless supply of stories about his childhood, duck hunting adventures, his days in Vietnam, and everything in between. Now the best of those tales are gathered into this roaring collection.
Si shares stories of the more than 25 marriage proposals he's received in the mail (some with photos!), how he came to use a green Tupperware cup for his ever-present sweet tea, and how his cigarette smoke made a deer cough (he's since quit smoking).
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Audible's description inaccurate
- By Woody on 09-27-13
By: Si Robertson, and others
-
The Bad Beginning, A Multi-Voice Recording
- A Series of Unfortunate Events #1
- By: Lemony Snicket
- Narrated by: Tim Curry, Full Cast
- Length: 2 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 5,157
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 4,121
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 4,117
Like a car alarm, bagpipe music, or a doorbell ringing in the middle of the night, hearing this all-new audio edition of The Bad Beginning will only upset you. This unique multi-voice recording brings the first book in Lemony Snicket's alarming A Series of Unfortunate Events to such terrible life that no one should really have to experience it.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Great start. Too bad about licensing..
- By Dan on 05-19-11
By: Lemony Snicket
-
Me Talk Pretty One Day
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 12,134
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 8,752
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 8,723
David Sedaris' collection of essays - including live recordings! - tells a most unconventional life story. With every clever turn of a phrase, Sedaris brings a view and a voice like no other to every unforgettable encounter. You can also listen to Sedaris in an interview with Terry Gross on Fresh Air.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Subtly Funny Musings on Life Experiences
- By FanB14 on 09-03-12
By: David Sedaris
-
A Dirty Job
- By: Christopher Moore
- Narrated by: Fisher Stevens
- Length: 11 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 12,776
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 9,337
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 9,337
People start dropping dead around Charlie, giant ravens perch on his building, and it seems that everywhere he goes, a dark presence whispers to him from under the streets. Strange names start appearing on his nightstand notepad, and before he knows it, those people end up dead, too. Yup, it seems that Charlie Asher has been recruited for a new job, an unpleasant but utterly necessary one: Death.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Great Listen!
- By Janie on 03-24-06
-
The Light Between Oceans
- A Novel
- By: M. L. Stedman
- Narrated by: Noah Taylor
- Length: 10 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 8,712
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 7,758
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 7,720
In 1918, after four harrowing years on the Western Front, Tom Sherbourne returns to Australia to take a job as the lighthouse keeper on remote Janus Rock. To this isolated island, where the supply boat comes only four times a year and shore leaves are granted every other year at best, Tom brings a young, bold, and loving wife, Isabel. Three years later, after two miscarriages and one stillbirth, the grieving Isabel is tending the grave of her newly lost infant when she hears a baby’s cries on the wind. A boat has washed up on shore carrying a dead man and a living baby.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Wonderful story.....terrible narrator.
- By Sandra on 08-14-12
By: M. L. Stedman
-
Heartburn
- By: Nora Ephron
- Narrated by: Meryl Streep
- Length: 5 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 4,981
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 4,485
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 4,461
Is it possible to write a sidesplitting novel about the breakup of the perfect marriage? If the writer is Nora Ephron, the answer is a resounding yes. For in this inspired confection of adultery, revenge, group therapy, and pot roast, the creator of Sleepless in Seattle reminds us that comedy depends on anguish as surely as a proper gravy depends on flour and butter.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Be the Heroine , Not the Victim
- By Cynthia on 07-12-13
By: Nora Ephron
-
Redshirts
- A Novel with Three Codas
- By: John Scalzi
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 7 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 23,450
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 21,608
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 21,572
Ensign Andrew Dahl has just been assigned to the Universal Union Capital Ship Intrepid, flagship of the Universal Union since the year 2456. Life couldn’t be better…until Andrew begins to pick up on the facts that (1) every Away Mission involves some kind of lethal confrontation with alien forces; (2) the ship’s captain, its chief science officer, and the handsome Lieutenant Kerensky always survive these confrontations; and (3) at least one low-ranked crew member is, sadly, always killed.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Not his Wheal-house
- By P. Stover on 09-16-13
By: John Scalzi
-
Bossypants
- By: Tina Fey
- Narrated by: Tina Fey
- Length: 5 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 60,597
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 50,708
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 50,477
Before Liz Lemon, before Weekend Update, before Sarah Palin, Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: A recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV. She has seen both these dreams come true. At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live. Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've always suspected: You're no one until someone calls you bossy.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Tina Fey broke my new SUV
- By Warren on 04-07-11
By: Tina Fey
-
You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News
- Shocking but Utterly True Facts
- By: Cracked.com
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 6 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,204
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,098
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 1,094
You're going to wish you never got this audiobook. Some facts are too terrifying to teach in school. Unfortunately, Cracked.com is more than happy to fill you in. Think you're going to choose whether or not to buy this book? Scientists say your brain secretly makes all your decisions 10 seconds before you even know what they are.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Buenas fabulas de humor
- By Cynthia on 10-27-14
By: Cracked.com
-
Dad Is Fat
- By: Jim Gaffigan
- Narrated by: Jim Gaffigan
- Length: 5 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 10,585
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 9,336
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 9,288
In Dad is Fat, stand-up comedian Jim Gaffigan, who’s best known for his legendary riffs on Hot Pockets, bacon, manatees, and McDonald's, expresses all the joys and horrors of life with five young children - everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to toddlers’ communication skills ("they always sound like they have traveled by horseback for hours to deliver important news"), to the eating habits of four-year-olds ("there is no difference between a four-year-old eating a taco and throwing a taco on the floor").
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Good for Gaffigan fans - better for expecting dads
- By Sean on 05-17-13
By: Jim Gaffigan
-
Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris
- Length: 6 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 9,415
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 8,426
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 8,373
From the unique perspective of David Sedaris comes a new collection of essays taking his listeners on a bizarre and stimulating world tour. From the perils of French dentistry to the eating habits of the Australian kookaburra, from the squat-style toilets of Beijing to the particular wilderness of a North Carolina Costco, we learn about the absurdity and delight of a curious traveler's experiences.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Devout Fan Disappointed
- By FanB14 on 05-07-13
By: David Sedaris
-
Big Trouble
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: Dick Hill
- Length: 7 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 714
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 588
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 586
A chain of events that will change the lives of each and every character will leave some of them wiser, some of them deader, and some of them definitely looking for a new line of work. With a wicked wit, razor-sharp observations, rich characters, and a plot with more twists than the Inland Waterway, Dave Barry makes his debut a complete and utter triumph.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Classic Barry at his Best
- By Scott on 09-18-08
By: Dave Barry
-
Seriously...I'm Kidding
- By: Ellen DeGeneres
- Narrated by: Ellen DeGeneres
- Length: 3 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 6,994
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 6,139
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 6,096
"I've experienced a whole lot the last few years and I have a lot to share. So I hope that you'll take a moment to sit back, relax and enjoy the words I've put together for you in this book. I think you'll find I've left no stone unturned, no door unopened, no window unbroken, no rug unvacuumed, no ivories untickled. What I'm saying is, let us begin, shall we?" (Ellen DeGeneres)
-
2 out of 5 stars
-
Not so much.
- By Julie on 10-11-11
By: Ellen DeGeneres
Related to this topic
-
Stranded
- By: Chris Bruno, David Howard Lee, Shukri R. Abdi
- Narrated by: Taraji P. Henson, Tracee Ellis Ross, Blake Griffin, and others
- Length: 2 hrs and 7 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 729
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 719
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 719
Separated by 10 years, 3,000 miles, and the unrelenting stresses of adulthood, best friends Janet and Serena plan a 40th birthday girls’ trip to reconnect. But after a massive crash, they’re the only survivors to wash ashore on an uncharted Caribbean Island. Armed with only the clothes on their backs and zero survival skills, they fight to overcome hunger, thirst, deadly wildlife—and most terrifyingly—decades of accrued resentment. Can they find their way home, or will they kill each other first?
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Get ready to Laugh
- By Lasheree McFarlane on 11-08-24
By: Chris Bruno, and others
-
Born a Crime
- Stories from a South African Childhood
- By: Trevor Noah
- Narrated by: Trevor Noah
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 215,176
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 194,665
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 193,696
In this award-winning Audible Studios production, Trevor Noah tells his wild coming-of-age tale during the twilight of apartheid in South Africa. It’s a story that begins with his mother throwing him from a moving van to save him from a potentially fatal dispute with gangsters, then follows the budding comedian’s path to self-discovery through episodes both poignant and comical.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Great book and perfect narration
- By MarilynArms on 12-15-16
By: Trevor Noah
-
The Best Man's Ghostwriter
- By: Matthew Starr
- Narrated by: Glen Powell, Nicholas Braun, Ashley Park, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 37 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 952
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 921
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 921
A bad best man’s speech can ruin a wedding. Why do we plan every detail of a perfect day and then give the groom’s idiot best friend five minutes of total power? Enter Nate (Glen Powell), a speechwriter-for-hire who helps people write incredible best man speeches. To keep the best man from embarrassing himself (and the newlyweds), Nate uses his list of don’ts: Don’t mention the exes, don’t be rated R, and don’t bum everyone out. Nate’s system never fails. That is, until he meets Dan (Nicholas Braun).
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
SO GOOD
- By Csutty on 09-23-24
By: Matthew Starr
-
Slaughterhouse-Five
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: James Franco
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 18,957
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 16,946
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 16,921
Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
-
The True Story of The Coward Brothers
- By: Elvis Costello
- Narrated by: T Bone Burnett, Elvis Costello, Rhea Seehorn, and others
- Length: 1 hr and 43 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 11
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 11
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 11
The True Story of The Coward Brothers follows two musical brothers – one English, one American, both the illegitimate sons of dubious parentage who may, as they claim to be, "one and half-brothers" – perhaps a reference to the disparity in their height and relative talents.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Fun listen
- By Been there on 11-23-24
By: Elvis Costello
-
The Great Indoors
- By: Ginny Hogan
- Narrated by: Mae Whitman
- Length: 3 hrs and 53 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 288
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 281
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 281
Alice's journey begins as all good journeys do: hitting on the sales guy at REI. After a tumultuous breakup, a quick career transition, family upheaval, and a sobriety journey that didn't fix her life quite as much as she expected it to, Alice decides that the only way to solve all her problems is to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. But as she begins preparing for the months-long quest, she realizes the answers she's seeking might not be on top of a snow-covered mountain. Especially since she just learned there was snow in California.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Chuck full of laughs to lift anyone's spirits.
- By Laura Boogaert on 09-22-24
By: Ginny Hogan
-
Stranded
- By: Chris Bruno, David Howard Lee, Shukri R. Abdi
- Narrated by: Taraji P. Henson, Tracee Ellis Ross, Blake Griffin, and others
- Length: 2 hrs and 7 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 729
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 719
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 719
Separated by 10 years, 3,000 miles, and the unrelenting stresses of adulthood, best friends Janet and Serena plan a 40th birthday girls’ trip to reconnect. But after a massive crash, they’re the only survivors to wash ashore on an uncharted Caribbean Island. Armed with only the clothes on their backs and zero survival skills, they fight to overcome hunger, thirst, deadly wildlife—and most terrifyingly—decades of accrued resentment. Can they find their way home, or will they kill each other first?
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Get ready to Laugh
- By Lasheree McFarlane on 11-08-24
By: Chris Bruno, and others
-
Born a Crime
- Stories from a South African Childhood
- By: Trevor Noah
- Narrated by: Trevor Noah
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 215,176
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 194,665
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 193,696
In this award-winning Audible Studios production, Trevor Noah tells his wild coming-of-age tale during the twilight of apartheid in South Africa. It’s a story that begins with his mother throwing him from a moving van to save him from a potentially fatal dispute with gangsters, then follows the budding comedian’s path to self-discovery through episodes both poignant and comical.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Great book and perfect narration
- By MarilynArms on 12-15-16
By: Trevor Noah
-
The Best Man's Ghostwriter
- By: Matthew Starr
- Narrated by: Glen Powell, Nicholas Braun, Ashley Park, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 37 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 952
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 921
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 921
A bad best man’s speech can ruin a wedding. Why do we plan every detail of a perfect day and then give the groom’s idiot best friend five minutes of total power? Enter Nate (Glen Powell), a speechwriter-for-hire who helps people write incredible best man speeches. To keep the best man from embarrassing himself (and the newlyweds), Nate uses his list of don’ts: Don’t mention the exes, don’t be rated R, and don’t bum everyone out. Nate’s system never fails. That is, until he meets Dan (Nicholas Braun).
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
SO GOOD
- By Csutty on 09-23-24
By: Matthew Starr
-
Slaughterhouse-Five
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: James Franco
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 18,957
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 16,946
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 16,921
Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
-
The True Story of The Coward Brothers
- By: Elvis Costello
- Narrated by: T Bone Burnett, Elvis Costello, Rhea Seehorn, and others
- Length: 1 hr and 43 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 11
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 11
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 11
The True Story of The Coward Brothers follows two musical brothers – one English, one American, both the illegitimate sons of dubious parentage who may, as they claim to be, "one and half-brothers" – perhaps a reference to the disparity in their height and relative talents.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Fun listen
- By Been there on 11-23-24
By: Elvis Costello
-
The Great Indoors
- By: Ginny Hogan
- Narrated by: Mae Whitman
- Length: 3 hrs and 53 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 288
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 281
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 281
Alice's journey begins as all good journeys do: hitting on the sales guy at REI. After a tumultuous breakup, a quick career transition, family upheaval, and a sobriety journey that didn't fix her life quite as much as she expected it to, Alice decides that the only way to solve all her problems is to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. But as she begins preparing for the months-long quest, she realizes the answers she's seeking might not be on top of a snow-covered mountain. Especially since she just learned there was snow in California.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Chuck full of laughs to lift anyone's spirits.
- By Laura Boogaert on 09-22-24
By: Ginny Hogan
-
I Can't Make This Up
- Life Lessons
- By: Neil Strauss - contributor, Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 56,002
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 50,449
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 50,193
Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
-
Very Unbecoming
- By: Emily Kron, Kate Hopkins
- Narrated by: Zoë Chao, Esther Povitsky, Amy Sedaris
- Length: 4 hrs and 31 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 24
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 23
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 23
When two childhood best friends blow up their respective romantic relationships, they make a time-sensitive pact: serial-cheater Chuck cannot sleep with anyone as she attends a three-month-long recovery group for cheaters, while sex-deprived Sofia vows to hook up with as many people as possible before recommitting to monogamy and tying the knot with her long-time fiancé. To keep things interesting, Chuck and Sofia decide to revive a past tradition from their summer camp days—also known as the dawning of sluthood.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Hilarious
- By Rachel on 11-21-24
By: Emily Kron, and others
-
American Psycho
- By: Bret Easton Ellis
- Narrated by: Pablo Schreiber
- Length: 16 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 5,259
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 4,662
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 4,670
Patrick Bateman moves among the young and trendy in 1980s Manhattan. Young, handsome, and well educated, Bateman earns his fortune on Wall Street by day while spending his nights in ways we cannot begin to fathom. Expressing his true self through torture and murder, Bateman prefigures an apocalyptic horror that no society could bear to confront.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Fanntastic book but maybe not for everyone....
- By So Fain on 03-27-11
-
The Perfect Find
- By: Tia Williams
- Narrated by: Wesleigh Siobhan
- Length: 11 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,593
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,469
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,466
Jenna Jones, former It-girl fashion editor, is broke and desperate for a second chance. When she’s dumped by her longtime fiancé and fired from Darling magazine, she begs for a job from her old arch nemesis, Darcy Vale. The beyond-bitchy publisher of StyleZine.com, Darcy agrees to hire her rival - only because her fashion site needs a jolt from Jenna’s old school cred. But Jenna soon realizes she’s in over her head.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
A-FREAKING-MAZING!!!
- By Bernadette on 05-30-21
By: Tia Williams
-
Heads Will Roll
- By: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne
- Narrated by: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne, Tim Gunn, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 17,429
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 15,880
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 15,814
Heads Will Roll is an Audible Original from Saturday Night Live star Kate McKinnon and her cocreator/costar (and real-life sister) Emily Lynne. Produced by Broadway Video, this is not an audiobook - it’s a 10-episode, star-studded audio comedy that features performances from Meryl Streep, Tim Gunn, Peter Dinklage, Queer Eye’s Fab Five, and so many more. Please note: This content is not for kids.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
More like this please
- By Anon893 on 05-03-19
By: Kate McKinnon, and others
-
Breakfast of Champions
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: John Malkovich
- Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 4,309
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,889
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 3,880
Breakfast of Champions (1973) provides frantic, scattershot satire and a collage of Vonnegut's obsessions. His recurring cast of characters and American landscape was perhaps the most controversial of his canon; it was felt by many at the time to be a disappointing successor to Slaughterhouse-Five, which had made Vonnegut's literary reputation.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Kurt Was Right to Grade This a C
- By Dubi on 01-10-16
By: Kurt Vonnegut
What listeners say about If You Give a Kid a Cookie, Will He Shut the F--k Up?
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall3 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story2 out of 5 stars
- Missa
- 12-13-14
a poor man's "go the f&$@ to sleep"
not nearly as good. if you can get Go the F&#$ to Sleep, get that instead. the only good part was Bobcats performance.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall3 out of 5 stars
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars
-
Story2 out of 5 stars
- Paul.
- 01-02-12
If you must listen to poetry.
Good for the price. ( free ) The first minuet held my attention. Not so much the second minuet.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall3 out of 5 stars
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars
-
Story3 out of 5 stars
- Lisa
- 10-05-12
Awesome
Would you say that listening to this book was time well-spent? Why or why not?
I loved it and it gave me a laugh!
What was your reaction to the ending? (No spoilers please!)
It ended as expected but the humour through out kept you thinking and on your toes!
Do you think If You Give a Kid a Cookie, Will He Shut the F--k Up? needs a follow-up book? Why or why not?
Why not...a little humour never hurt when it comes to kids and parenting!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story3 out of 5 stars
- Justin houser
- 12-16-15
lol
A little short but what do you expect for about a buck.
Still I thought it was funny.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story3 out of 5 stars
- Foxymoron
- 12-24-15
Reminds me of my ex husband
I believe the story was loosely based on actual incident that my ex husband has done. I am the ex wife that handed him divorce papers as I bailed him out. Bobcat did an excellent job narrating this incident and its full glorious splendor. A great bedtime story for children that can serve as a warning for what may happen. So never snitch on your Pops kids.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
3 people found this helpful
-
Overall3 out of 5 stars
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars
-
Story3 out of 5 stars
- KAREN
- 04-09-12
It was okay for what it was
Would you say that listening to this book was time well-spent? Why or why not?
I am familiar with the If You Give a Kid a Cookie books and this was my first Audible purchase. I mostly just wanted to see how the program worked. The sound is good, but the text came on a little strong for my taste. I don't know if its only the text or the combinationn of text and voice of Bobcat Goldthwait. So, it's over the top (IMHO) for the text, but mild for Goldthwait.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
1 person found this helpful
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars
-
Story4 out of 5 stars
- Tracey
- 03-04-13
Off Color Humor
Ok, this is probably funnier to me than it should be, but I am a teacher and have seen every form of: If you give a ..., book. When I downloaded this, I didn't know if it would actually cuss or just bleep out the cuss words, be forewarned that it does actually cuss. If you are offended by the f--- word, do not download this. But if you are not, it is definitely good for a chuckle, especially if you have some background with the books that it is a parody.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
1 person found this helpful
-
Overall3 out of 5 stars
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars
-
Story2 out of 5 stars
- Brian
- 11-03-15
Not The Best
I thought Bobcat Goldthwait did a good job with not the best of story. I'm very familiar with the kid's cookie books, and I see what the author was trying to do, but it just didn't come off very good. If it wasn't for Bobcat's narration it would have been horrible.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall2 out of 5 stars
-
Performance2 out of 5 stars
-
Story2 out of 5 stars
- Ellington
- 12-17-14
Ok - ISH
I didnt like it as much as much as Go The F--- to Sleep. I thought it was not as funny or cute.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
1 person found this helpful
-
Overall3 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story2 out of 5 stars
- Juillet Pércival
- 01-05-15
decent.
it was amusing but not as good as Go The F*** To Sleep or You Have to F***ing Eat. For the price though it was well worth it. got a solid laugh
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!