Dirty Jokes and Beer
Stories of the Unrefined
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Dirty Jokes and Beer
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Narrated by:
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Drew Carey
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By:
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Drew Carey
About this listen
The Health Conscious Drew: "They say that exercise and proper diet are the keys to a longer, healthier life. Oh well...Watch for my next book, How I Died While Jogging."
Drew the Lover: "I read the Forum letters in Penthouse, thinking that I could learn from them. I remember thinking sometimes, when I was having sex, 'Lets see now. How did Surprised in Cincinnati do it?'...If a Playboy Playmate said in her questionnaire that she liked a guy in tight pants, I would go out and buy some tight pants. If she said she liked well-endowed men with big muscles and hairy chests, I would cry."
And Drew's formula that took him from a lonely teenager to a successful mega-star: "Avoid cheap cologne and cheesy bikini underwear. Don't expect sex on the first date, and never pay more than 20 dollars for a lap dance."
All this, plus a section that Drew calls "kind of Drew Carey in the Fourth Dimension [but] still close enough to the real Drew to scare me".
©1997 Drew Carey (P)1997 Simon and Schuster Inc.Listeners also enjoyed...
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By: Trevor Noah
-
The Best Man's Ghostwriter
- By: Matthew Starr
- Narrated by: Glen Powell, Nicholas Braun, Ashley Park, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 37 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 916
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 886
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 886
A bad best man’s speech can ruin a wedding. Why do we plan every detail of a perfect day and then give the groom’s idiot best friend five minutes of total power? Enter Nate (Glen Powell), a speechwriter-for-hire who helps people write incredible best man speeches. To keep the best man from embarrassing himself (and the newlyweds), Nate uses his list of don’ts: Don’t mention the exes, don’t be rated R, and don’t bum everyone out. Nate’s system never fails. That is, until he meets Dan (Nicholas Braun).
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5 out of 5 stars
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SO GOOD
- By Csutty on 09-23-24
By: Matthew Starr
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Slaughterhouse-Five
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: James Franco
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 18,948
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 16,937
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 16,912
Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
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4 out of 5 stars
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Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
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The Great Indoors
- By: Ginny Hogan
- Narrated by: Mae Whitman
- Length: 3 hrs and 53 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 279
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 273
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Story4 out of 5 stars 273
Alice's journey begins as all good journeys do: hitting on the sales guy at REI. After a tumultuous breakup, a quick career transition, family upheaval, and a sobriety journey that didn't fix her life quite as much as she expected it to, Alice decides that the only way to solve all her problems is to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. But as she begins preparing for the months-long quest, she realizes the answers she's seeking might not be on top of a snow-covered mountain. Especially since she just learned there was snow in California.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Chuck full of laughs to lift anyone's spirits.
- By Laura Boogaert on 09-22-24
By: Ginny Hogan
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I Can't Make This Up
- Life Lessons
- By: Neil Strauss - contributor, Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 56,000
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 50,447
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 50,191
Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
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The Perfect Find
- By: Tia Williams
- Narrated by: Wesleigh Siobhan
- Length: 11 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,590
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,466
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,463
Jenna Jones, former It-girl fashion editor, is broke and desperate for a second chance. When she’s dumped by her longtime fiancé and fired from Darling magazine, she begs for a job from her old arch nemesis, Darcy Vale. The beyond-bitchy publisher of StyleZine.com, Darcy agrees to hire her rival - only because her fashion site needs a jolt from Jenna’s old school cred. But Jenna soon realizes she’s in over her head.
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5 out of 5 stars
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A-FREAKING-MAZING!!!
- By Bernadette on 05-30-21
By: Tia Williams
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American Psycho
- By: Bret Easton Ellis
- Narrated by: Pablo Schreiber
- Length: 16 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 5,259
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 4,662
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Story4 out of 5 stars 4,670
Patrick Bateman moves among the young and trendy in 1980s Manhattan. Young, handsome, and well educated, Bateman earns his fortune on Wall Street by day while spending his nights in ways we cannot begin to fathom. Expressing his true self through torture and murder, Bateman prefigures an apocalyptic horror that no society could bear to confront.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Fanntastic book but maybe not for everyone....
- By So Fain on 03-27-11
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CRAY
- By: Darrell Hammond, Elizabeth Stein
- Narrated by: Darrell Hammond
- Length: 1 hr and 10 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 144
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 141
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 141
He is one of the longest-running cast members on Saturday Night Live, an American comedy genius renowned for his spot-on sendups of politicians and celebrities. But off-stage, Darrell Hammond’s life was anything but a joke. In CRAY, a special audio performance captured live onstage at Audible’s Minetta Lane Theatre, Hammond brings to life his acclaimed memoir, God, If You're Not Up There, I'm F*cked: Tales of Stand-Up, Saturday Night Live and Other Mind-Altering Mayhem.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Thanks for sharing
- By Nickisnotgary on 09-06-24
By: Darrell Hammond, and others
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Breakfast of Champions
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: John Malkovich
- Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 4,309
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,889
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Story4 out of 5 stars 3,880
Breakfast of Champions (1973) provides frantic, scattershot satire and a collage of Vonnegut's obsessions. His recurring cast of characters and American landscape was perhaps the most controversial of his canon; it was felt by many at the time to be a disappointing successor to Slaughterhouse-Five, which had made Vonnegut's literary reputation.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Kurt Was Right to Grade This a C
- By Dubi on 01-10-16
By: Kurt Vonnegut
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Heads Will Roll
- By: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne
- Narrated by: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne, Tim Gunn, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 17,427
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 15,879
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Story4 out of 5 stars 15,813
Heads Will Roll is an Audible Original from Saturday Night Live star Kate McKinnon and her cocreator/costar (and real-life sister) Emily Lynne. Produced by Broadway Video, this is not an audiobook - it’s a 10-episode, star-studded audio comedy that features performances from Meryl Streep, Tim Gunn, Peter Dinklage, Queer Eye’s Fab Five, and so many more. Please note: This content is not for kids.
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5 out of 5 stars
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More like this please
- By Anon893 on 05-03-19
By: Kate McKinnon, and others
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Napoleon's Hemorrhoids…And Other Small Events That Changed History
- By: Phil Mason
- Narrated by: LJ Ganser
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,188
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 1,054
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Story4 out of 5 stars 1,050
Hilarious, fascinating, and a roller coaster of dizzying, historical what-ifs, Napoleon's Hemorrhoids is a potpourri for serious historians and casual history buffs. In one of Phil Mason's many revelations, you'll learn that Communist jets were two minutes away from opening fire on American planes during the Cuban missile crisis, when they had to turn back as they were running out of fuel. You'll discover that before the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon's painful hemorrhoids prevented him from mounting his horse to survey the battlefield.
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3 out of 5 stars
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They just throw the facts too fast
- By Concerned_llama on 12-11-20
By: Phil Mason
What listeners say about Dirty Jokes and Beer
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- winnie
- 07-29-23
A little raunchy but refreshingly honest
Drew is not pretentious and very honest about how his career developed. Worth the read.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- LW
- 02-14-19
Drew on top of his game!
It has funny stories, funny jokes and even some short stories written by Drew Carey.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- S. Castella
- 04-13-24
You rock more than Cleveland.
You r○ck more than Cleveland.
You rock more th@n ClevelandOhio.
You rock more than Cleveland.
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Overall1 out of 5 stars
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Performance1 out of 5 stars
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Story1 out of 5 stars
- Ed
- 03-23-19
Not What I Expected
If you are looking for a book with jokes in it, this is not the book for you. It has one joke per chapter and the rest is just filled with stories about Drew and his living experiences, which nothing wrong with that if that is what you like. I really was looking for some funny jokes to learn and use in a social interaction, but this is not the book for that. I was extremely disappointed with this purchase and wanted others to be informed just in case they are thinking this is a book filled with jokes.
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Overall1 out of 5 stars
- John
- 10-30-08
Tacky
I am no prude, but the language on this takes all the fun out of the book.
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