You Will Not Recognize Your Life

De: Micaela Blei

Narrado por: Micaela Blei

Can you really conjure the life of your dreams? And what if you say the wrong spell?

It’s 2006. After a string of rejections from men who tell her they could never, ever, ever see her “that way,” awkward third-grade teacher Micaela Blei signs up for a mysterious course called “The Divine Feminine,” and feels like she might have found the key to the perfect life.

Turns out if you’re an A student, you can get an A in anything–including men. Pretty soon she’s learning to "conjure" her desires with vision boards, flirtations, and even a daring jumbotron viewing party for her, ahem ... "divine center." But the more Micaela aces her assignments, and watches her most unlikely dreams come true, the more she wonders: Is her perfect new life the real thing, or is there a hidden cost to getting everything she thought she wanted?

Women have put themselves through a lot of f*cked up situations to feel valued and lovable. This is a sharply funny, often painfully relatable true story featuring the great tropes of early 2000s romantic comedies: self-discovery, dating disasters, epic makeover montages, and finding love where you never thought to look.

Praise for Micaela’s storytelling:

"Ms. Blei’s story was magical and riveting ... in the end, you really wanted her to be your teacher." (Lara O’Brien, MV Times)

“Micaela is a storytelling wizard. She transforms the stuff of everyday life into profound stories that move people–and make them laugh.” (Tyler Wetherall, author of No Way Home: A Memoir of Life on the Run and Amphibian)

“Micaela Blei's storytelling is fresh, hilarious, and surprisingly moving.” (Sarah Moore, Theatre Is Easy)

©2024 Micaela Blei (P)2024 Audible Originals, LLC.

Humor, Humanity, and the Heart of Self-Love

Listening to this felt like tuning into an amazing podcast season. Micaela Blei’s voice is captivating, and it’s no surprise she has a background in improv performance and has won awards at The Moth. I'm so glad she performed her own story - it makes it so warm and personal!

It’s a relatable coming-of-age story for anyone who’s ever longed for a rule book to make life work, especially in a world that seems to hand out instruction manuals to everyone else. Blei’s honesty, humor, and self-awareness turn moments of pain into something deeply human—and even laughable.

Her storytelling is courageous and precise, full of the kind of grace that comes from reflecting on a time of uncertainty and self-doubt. It’s an invitation for all of us to look at those tender, messy parts of our own lives with more compassion.

The events in this memoir are often funny, but the story as a whole is not entirely "light". Blei uses humor and observations about social norms to keep up the pace and —perfect for a total listen under three hours. I devoured it in two long drives the day it was released.

This is a beautiful memoir for anyone striving to love themselves a little more.

Change and growth - so relatable - and FUN

The upfront disclosure of the frequent use of the “P” word was perfect and made this such a joy to listen to! Micaela is a WONDERFUL story teller (a super power I wish I had!) and the way she describes her life experiences and how she changed is enviable. It’s so true that I believe the pendulum swings far in both directions before settling in the middle, and her sharing her “far swing” adventure from the past, and how that fit into her life now, is so relatable. Thank you for the laughs and reflection on my own life!

Laugh out loud, relatable, gem of a story

I found myself belly laughing out loud as I walked down the street listening to this utter delight of a story. Micaela courageously shares deeply relatable and at times heartbreaking struggles with self worth, body image, and love in her 20s in a way that goes down like the most riveting, interesting dinner party story you have ever heard. From the moment the story begins, you're captivated by Micaela's storytelling, right there with her, feeling both with her and for her, as she makes some truly remarkable and brave moves to be who she wants to be in the world that will leave your jaw hanging open. A truly transportive experience, and well worth the listen.

Honest, Funny, Smart - a hugely open hearted book

Micaela’s story is so full of honesty and is deeply funny. Her storytelling style makes me feel like I’m hanging out with her - I even found myself responding to her out loud sometimes : ) This generous story is a perfect listen if you want to laugh while reflecting on inner strength, self trust, relationships, and how we move through the world.

Honest, familiar, and delightful

I just loved this woman. She speaks so clearly, honestly, and she made me want to tell a few stories of my own. I want all my teenagers to listen to this because Micaela makes it clear that we don't have to figure out the "one right way" to do life. Thank you for bravely talking about being human. 🩷

Funny and authentic. Great voice

Great narration.
Very honest depiction. Funny and poignant. Loved it and hope she writes more.

A pleasant surprise

A gentle and hilarious reminder to be careful what you wish or manifest for. Did not disappoint !

Like talking to a friend who has great advice

A really well done book, I would love to hear more from this author, she’s born to do this

Love, love, love, love truly an inspirational story

Love hearing someone’s experience with mama Gina’s work! This motivated me to get back into the work and reclaim my feminine power.

Refreshing, Honest and Hilarious

it's not easy to put oneself out there and the author is so brave for letting us all in on something few of us would share. This story is wonderfully written and told, but mostly it's real and relatable. I really loved this and it will stay with me.