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Was the Battle of Hastings a French victory? Non! William the Conqueror was Norman and hated the French. Were the Brits really responsible for the death of Joan of Arc? Non! The French sentenced her to death for wearing trousers. Was the guillotine a French invention? Non! It was invented in Yorkshire. Ten centuries' worth of French historical 'facts' bite the dust as Stephen Clarke looks at what has really been going on since 1066....

A Year in the Merde is the almost-true account of the author's adventures as an expat in Paris. Based loosely on his own experiences and with names changed to "avoid embarrassment, possible legal action, and to prevent the author's legs being broken by someone in a Yves Saint Laurent suit (or quite possibly, a Christian Dior skirt)", A Year in the Merde is the story of Paul West, a 27-year-old Brit who is brought to Paris by a French company to open a chain of British "tea rooms".

In his first novel, Stephen Clarke gives a laugh-out-loud account of the pleasures and perils of being a Brit in France. Less quaint than A Year in Provence, less chocolatey than Chocolat, A Year in the Merde will tell you how to get served by the grumpiest Parisian waiter; how to make perfect vinaigrette every time; how to make amour - not war; and how not to buy a house in the French countryside.

For eons, Earth has been under observation by the Firstborn, beings almost as old as the universe itself. The Firstborn are unknown to humankind - until they act. In an instant, Earth is carved up and reassembled like a huge jigsaw puzzle. Suddenly the planet and every living thing on it no longer exist in a single timeline.

In the acclaimed third book in the popular Merde series, Paul West winds up stuck in America, chin-deep in financial trouble. He and his French girlfriend set off on their journey, with hopes of escaping fiscal ruin. But as the not-so-dynamic duo stumble toward Los Angeles, via Boston, Miami, New Orleans, and Las Vegas, Paul’s plans for success, of course, turn to merde: The couple takes on carjackers, old flames, and liaisons dangereuses. The result is a madcap, hilarious adventure and a sardonically witty tour through America, France, and England.

D’yan Forest has always done things her way - or her ways, because she’s lived a dozen different lives. She’s been a desperate Boston housewife, a New York night-club singer, and a Paris swinger. She’s been the only Jewish girl in a Christian choir and the female pianist in a transvestite cabaret. She had day jobs teaching basketball, piano, and sex education. At 86, D’yan is still a working stand-up comedian and musician, but she’s much, much more than that, as this hilarious but heartfelt memoir reveals....

Published in the 200th anniversary year of the Battle of Waterloo, a witty look at how the French still think they won, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde. Two centuries after the Battle of Waterloo, the French are still in denial. If Napoleon lost on 18 June 1815 (and that's a big 'if') then whoever rules the universe got it wrong. As soon as the cannons stopped firing, French historians began rewriting history.

Better follow the rules in our third of the universe……Because the Central Authority has a new tool. They can stun you to death. Captain Clarke and his genius Science Officer see what’s coming, and they have a plan to stop it. They’ve also got big problems. They’re on a hunted ship, one of only three that stand against the Central Authority. They’re being tracked, and their fuel is running low. Government spies are everywhere. And worst of all, the Overlords are on their tail, using new battleships, led by the evil Simone. You’ll love this new space opera, because the fight ...

The Light of Other Days tells the tale of what happens when a brilliant, driven industrialist harnesses the cutting edge of quantum physics to enable people everywhere, at trivial cost, to see one another at all times: around every corner, through every wall, into everyone's most private, hidden, and even intimate moments. It amounts to the sudden and complete abolition of human privacy - forever.

Stephen Clarke, a young Christian from Jamaica, unpacks the reality and necessity of Christ influencing our culture. Through this, young Christians can find solace both in God's current relevance and His persistence in reaching us.

This audiobook should be the first novel you try in French! Following a story in French can be difficult, even for advanced students. French novels are usually full of idiomatic expressions. They use complicated tenses, complex sentence structures, and often slang. This audiobook is in simple French. It's about the joys and the frustrations of an adult learning French. It includes a good dose of humor and a few exercises.

Founder of YOUFULLY, Father, Husband and truth seeker, Stephen Clarke explores what it means to live fully. How do we find ourselves through our shadows? How can we have more fun? How can we achieve our own personal success?

Twenty-seven years later, the Firstborn are back. This time, they have sent a "quantum bomb" speeding toward Earth, a device that human scientists can barely comprehend, let alone stop or destroy. But when shocking new insights emerge about the nature of the Firstborn and their plans, an unexpected ally appears from light-years away.

This collection includes the first four books of my series: Maybe Later, My One Regret, Wrong Text, Right Love, and Begin with Me.

In The Smart Money Method, the stock-picking techniques used by top industry professionals are laid bare for investors. This is the inside track on how top hedge funds pick stocks and build portfolios to make outsize returns. Stephen Clapham is a retired hedge fund partner who now trains stock analysts at some of the world’s largest and most successful institutional investors. He explains step-by-step his research process for picking stocks and testing their market-beating potential.

Returned to the Earth of 2037 by the Firstborn, mysterious beings of almost limitless technological prowess, Bisesa Dutt is haunted by the memories of her five years spent on the strange alternate Earth called Mir, a jigsaw-puzzle world made up of lands and people cut out of different eras of Earth's history.

Letters of Note, the book based on the beloved website of the same name, became an instant classic on publication in 2013, selling hundreds of thousands of copies. This new edition sees the collection of the world's most entertaining, inspiring, and unusual letters updated with 14 riveting new missives and a new introduction from curator Shaun Usher.

A sexually charged and wickedly funny thriller starring Tony Award-winning actor Billy Crudup, Harry Clarke is the story of a shy Midwestern man leading an outrageous double life as the titular cocky Londoner. Moving to New York City and presenting himself as an Englishman, he charms his way into a wealthy family's life as the seductive and precocious Harry, whose increasingly risky and dangerous behavior threatens to undo more than his persona.

What is it about the cat that captivates the creative imagination? No other creature has inspired so many authors to take pen to page. Mystery, horror, science fiction, and fantasy stories have all been written about cats.

Englishman Paul West is living the Parisian dream, and doing his best not to annoy the French. But recently things have been going très wrong: His apartment is so small that he has to cut his baguettes in two to fit them in the kitchen. His research into authentic French cuisine is about to cause a national strike. His Parisian business partner is determined to close their tea-room. And thinks that sexually harassing his female employees is a basic human right.