When It's Never About You
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When It's Never About You
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Narrated by:
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Reba Thomas
About this listen
Is being a people-pleaser (a.k.a., conflict avoider, pushover, approval-seeker, doormat, etc.) ruining your life? Do you sometimes feel as if you exist only to satisfy others wants and needs, but never your own? Is your physical, mental, and emotional health suffering as a result?
Everyone loves a people-pleaser. They're always willing to help, to stay late, to fill in, to go along. But if you're one of them, you often end up feeling violated, ignored, disrespected, and disconnected from life and others. Silently enduring the ongoing and relentless invalidation of who you are and what you want will reliably wreak havoc on your health and the health of your relationships.
So, are you ready to put less "Yes" and more "You" in your life?
In When It's Never About You, psychotherapist Ilene S. Cohen uses real-world examples and activities to help you take a systemic look at people-pleasing. You'll learn...
- How to reclaim a strong and balanced sense of self while still being a "good person."
- How to break the harmful behavior patterns that keep you from being heard, listened to and respected. Specific strategies for transforming yourself from selfless to "self-full."
- How to go from feeling vanished to being clearly differentiated.
- How to get what you want and need while actually earning even more respect from others.
Tired of disappearing from life? Ready for the pleasing prescription? When It s Never About You will give you the tools and confidence to put yourself first, while bringing the best YOU to those who depend on you!
©2017 Ilene S. Cohen, Ph.D. (P)2017 Ilene S. Cohen, Ph.D.Listeners also enjoyed...
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5 out of 5 stars
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Paradigm Shift
- By Sydnee Adams-Hancock on 04-08-16
By: Lundy Bancroft, and others
-
Loving People
- How to Love and Be Loved
- By: John Townsend
- Narrated by: Matthew Josdal
- Length: 7 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 75
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 67
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 67
Best-selling author Dr. John Townsend teaches you that love can actually be learned and gives you the steps and tools to become skilled in love. Using his trademark stories to flesh out the important principles, Dr. Townsend covers receiving love, connecting love, healing love, confronting love, romantic love, and surrendering love. Through his teaching, listeners will discover - and start enjoying - the words, actions, and experiences of authentic love.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Very insightful
- By Amazon Customer on 05-17-19
By: John Townsend
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Codependent No More
- How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
- By: Melody Beattie
- Narrated by: Melody Beattie
- Length: 8 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,054
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 918
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 915
Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one’s self-destructive behavior, you may be codependent—and you may find yourself in this book. With personal reflections, exercises, and instructive stories drawn from Beattie’s own life and the lives of those she’s counseled, Codependent No More helps you break old patterns and maintain healthy boundaries, and offers a clear and achievable path to healing, hope, freedom, and happiness.
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2 out of 5 stars
-
great book with unbearable reader
- By Nielah on 09-01-22
By: Melody Beattie
-
The Journey of the Heroic Parent
- Your Child's Struggle & The Road Home
- By: Brad M. Reedy Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Tom Parks
- Length: 8 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 201
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 169
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 169
When a child is hurting, it can be the most painful challenge a parent will face. With compassion and perspective, Dr. Brad Reedy offers hope and wisdom for children who struggle and the parents who love them. The Journey of the Heroic Parent will take you on a journey to a happier, healthier relationship with your struggling child - and yourself. Through lessons learned, mother, father, and child will achieve greater understanding, love, and humanity - no matter what the outcome.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Loved it! Will read over again and again!
- By wooplicity on 06-21-15
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12 Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs Are Gone
- Choosing Emotional Sobriety Through Self-Awareness and Right Action
- By: Allen Berger PhD
- Narrated by: Matthew Boston
- Length: 5 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 32
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 25
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 25
Allen Berger, PhD, draws on the teachings of Bill W. and psychotherapy pioneers to offer 12 hallmarks of emotional sobriety that, when practiced, give people the confidence to be accountable for their behavior, ask for what they want and need, and grow and develop a deeper trust in the process of life. These smart things include: understanding who you are and what's important to you; learning not to take others' reactions personally; trusting your inner compass; and taking responsibility for your reactions to problematic situations.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Rich exploration and application of ES principles
- By rdkemper on 08-12-23
By: Allen Berger PhD
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Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents
- Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries and Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy
- By: Lindsay C. Gibson PsyD
- Narrated by: Suzie Althens
- Length: 7 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 565
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 474
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 470
In this important sequel to Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, author Lindsay Gibson offers powerful tools to help you step back and protect yourself at the first sign of an emotional takeover, make sure your emotions and needs are respected, and break free from the coercive control of emotionally immature parents.
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1 out of 5 stars
-
Asinine
- By Amazon Customer on 07-14-20
-
The Undervalued Self
- By: Elaine N. Aron
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 159
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 118
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 117
Elaine Aron follows up her best sellers on the highly sensitive person with a groundbreaking new book on the undervalued self. She explains that self-esteem results from having a healthy balance of love and power in our lives. Readers will learn to incorporate love into situations that seem to require power and deal with power struggles that mask themselves as issues of love.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Life Changing!
- By Salon Finished Dawn on 09-20-15
By: Elaine N. Aron
-
The Emotional Edge
- Discover Your Inner Age, Ignite Your Hidden Strengths, and Reroute Misdirected Fear to Live Your Fullest
- By: Crystal Andrus Morissette
- Narrated by: Andi Arndt
- Length: 9 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 23
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 19
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 18
The Emotional Edge is an exciting expansion of Crystal's successful brand - she has tackled weight management, confidence building, and spiritual growth; now she combines all that and more into her most powerful program yet. The Emotional Edge is a guide for letting go of the past and embracing a more empowered future. This audiobook is spiritual self-help designed to teach listeners how to overcome behavioral ruts and engage the world from a happier, more empowered place.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
the world needs more of this.
- By Amber Jessop on 11-25-17
-
I Want This to Work
- An Inclusive Guide to Navigating the Most Difficult Relationship Issues We Face in the Modern Age
- By: Elizabeth Earnshaw LMFT CGT
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Earnshaw LMFT CGT
- Length: 9 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 45
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 38
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 37
Elizabeth Earnshaw is here to help. The renowned Gottman therapist, founder of A Better Life Therapy, and influential Instagram therapist behind @lizlistens has helped to transform countless relationships. With I Want This to Work, she presents for today’s generation the most effective and proven steps for relationship success.
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3 out of 5 stars
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I want this to work too. Excellent information, excruciating execution
- By Sunny Bettley on 03-17-23
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Emotional Chaos to Clarity
- How to Live More Skillfully, Make Better Decisions, and Find Purpose in Life
- By: Phillip Moffitt
- Narrated by: Fred Stella
- Length: 8 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 170
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 141
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 140
Despite our best-laid plans, life can often be difficult, disappointing, and stressful. Consequently, when things don’t go right, we are often left in a state of emotional chaos, dealing with feelings like anger, anxiety, frustration, and doubt, which can cloud our perspective and negatively affect the way we live our lives. But in this inspiring book, Phillip Moffitt shows us that we need not be at the mercy of our emotions. By cultivating a responsive mind rather than a reactive one, we can achieve a state of emotional clarity.
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5 out of 5 stars
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You Are Not Your Emotions
- By Sara on 10-23-14
By: Phillip Moffitt
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Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?
- Encouragement for Women Involved with Angry and Controlling Men
- By: Lundy Bancroft
- Narrated by: Gary Galone
- Length: 11 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 137
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 116
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 116
Like a constant friend, this collection of meditations is a source of strength and reassurance designed to speak to women like you, women in relationships with angry and controlling men. It helps you to digest what is happening a piece at a time, so you can gain clarity, safety, and freedom.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Just what I needed.
- By lori Goodson on 11-07-15
By: Lundy Bancroft
-
Relationship Breakthrough
- How to Create Outstanding Relationships in Every Area of Your Life
- By: Cloe Madanes, Anthony Robbins
- Narrated by: Aimee Jolson
- Length: 6 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 402
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 342
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 343
Everyone faces the challenges of making relationships work. Whether with spouses, family members, friends, lovers, or colleagues, relationships have the power to make one feel happy, frustrated, or miserable. In Relationship Breakthrough, Cloe Madanes - an expert in creating healing, empowering relationships - gives listeners vital tools to transform their relationships and their lives. Madanes's cutting-edge methods produce real results and create rewarding, sustainable relationships.
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3 out of 5 stars
-
Disappointed
- By Dee on 01-10-16
By: Cloe Madanes, and others
-
The Codependency Recovery Plan
- A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle
- By: Krystal Mazzola M.Ed LMFT
- Narrated by: Linda Henning
- Length: 4 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 144
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 112
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 112
You can say no. You can stop people-pleasing and start setting boundaries. You can ask for what you need. You can love and be loved - without sacrifice - by breaking the codependency cycle. The Codependency Recovery Plan empowers you to have healthy, happy interdependent relationships. This actionable five-step program is designed to help you get in touch with yourself, assert boundaries, and communicate confidently. You’ll be free to nurture true intimacy.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Great content, audio not for the neurodiverse
- By Danielle A on 01-30-23
-
The Breakup Bible
- The Smart Woman's Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce
- By: Rachel Sussman
- Narrated by: Susan Boyce
- Length: 12 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 111
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 91
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 88
Psychotherapist and breakup expert Rachel A. Sussman, LCSW, reveals the secrets every woman needs to get her life back on track. Drawing on hundreds of counseling sessions she's conducted with women at all stages of recovery, Sussman developed a proven three-phase process for healing from a breakup.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
lifesaver!
- By Dawson on 11-30-17
By: Rachel Sussman
-
The Chimp Paradox
- The Mind Management Program to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence, and Happiness
- By: Dr. Steve Peters
- Narrated by: Tim Andres Pabon
- Length: 9 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 393
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 322
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 319
Dr. Steve Peters explains that we all have a being within our minds that can wreak havoc on every aspect of our lives. He calls this being "the chimp," and it can work either for you or against you. The Chimp Paradox contains an incredibly powerful mind management model that can help you be happier and healthier, increase your confidence, and become a more successful person. This audiobook will help you to recognize how your mind is working, understand and manage your emotions and thoughts, and become the person you would like to be.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
The best way to describe this book is it's an Owners Manual for People.
- By Michael on 08-14-15
By: Dr. Steve Peters
-
You Can Be Happy No Matter What
- Five Principles for Keeping Life in Perspective
- By: Richard Carlson
- Narrated by: Richard Carlson
- Length: 3 hrs and 27 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 486
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 356
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 355
Most of us believe that our happiness depends on the outside world - and that by solving our problems, improving our relationships, or achieving success, we will find contentment. In You Can Be Happy No Matter What, Dr. Richard Carlson shows that happiness has nothing to do with forces beyond our control. His simple and practical guide teaches 5 principles for discovering a new mode of living that doesn't repress natural emotions, yet where feelings and thoughts don't overwhelm us.
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4 out of 5 stars
-
Important information with
- By Bilgin Esme on 11-21-07
By: Richard Carlson
-
Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken
- Transform Your Life With the Power of Authenticity
- By: Mike Robbins
- Narrated by: Mike Robbins
- Length: 5 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 95
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 55
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 55
Learn the power and importance of authenticity; move beyond the fear and limitations that stop you from living truly and bring more authenticity into your work, relationships, and life.Motivational Speaker, Mike Robbins' new audiobook, Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken will teach you the principles of authenticity, and give you the exercises and actions to transform your life.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Worth Listening to
- By Rob Strait on 08-20-12
By: Mike Robbins
-
The Fatherless Daughter Project
- Understanding Our Losses and Reclaiming Our Lives
- By: Denna D. Babul RN, Karin Luise PhD
- Narrated by: Tara Ochs, PhD Karin Luise, RN Denna D. Babul
- Length: 9 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 81
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 68
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 67
When Motherless Daughters was published 20 years ago, it unleashed a tsunami of healing awareness. When Denna Babul and Karin Luise couldn't find the equivalent book for fatherlessness, The Fatherless Daughter Project was born. The book will set fatherless women on the path to growth and fulfillment by helping them to understand how their losses have impacted their lives.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
very healing and tremendously helpful
- By R. Mccloud on 01-14-18
By: Denna D. Babul RN, and others
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 13
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Stop People Pleasing
- And Find Your Power
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For most of Hailey Magee’s life, people-pleasing came so naturally to her that she didn’t even have a word for it. When somebody wanted something from her—even a stranger—she gave it, no matter how uncomfortable, exhausted, or resentful she felt inside. People-pleasing, she learned, was a coping mechanism that had kept her physically and emotionally safe in the past, but wreaked havoc on her life in the present—and she was committed to breaking the pattern once and for all.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Insightful and Incredibly Relatable
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The Highly Sensitive Person's Guide to Stop People-Pleasing
- Finally, Put Yourself First, Set Boundaries with Confidence, and Release the Negativity in Saying No!
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Being a highly sensitive person means you’re probably highly misunderstood and you may feel like you’re too empathetic for your own good. Your intuition and empathy create situations where you always put others first and say “yes” to everything, regardless of how you feel or what you need. As a result, you end up in unhealthy relationship dynamics that leave you exhausted, resentful, and stressed.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Insightful book!
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Not Nice
- Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, and Unapologetically Being Yourself
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Are you too nice? If you find it hard to be assertive, directly ask for what you want, or say "no" to others, then you just might be suffering from too much niceness. In this controversial book, world-renowned confidence expert, Dr. Aziz Gazipura, takes an incisive look at the concept of nice. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the most bold, expressive, authentic version of you.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Changed my life forever
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Stop People Pleasing
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Stop People Pleasing is a frank look at people-pleasing tendencies - where they come from, how they manifest, and exactly what to do about them. Most importantly, the audiobook emphasizes real, actionable tactics to change your relationship with yourself and others.
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2 out of 5 stars
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OK Material, but a little Offputting
- By MDW 77 on 04-28-20
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Consider This
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Life comes at us fast, with new challenges to navigate at every turn. Millions of fans have embraced the fresh insights of bestselling author Nedra Glover Tawwab, a popular therapist who brings both expertise and a fresh perspective to the everyday struggles we all navigate in our relationships and within ourselves. In this inspiring book of daily insights, Nedra delivers food for thought, friendly reminders, and perspective shifts to help us stay true to who we are and what matters most.
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4 out of 5 stars
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5 out of 5 stars
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For most of Hailey Magee’s life, people-pleasing came so naturally to her that she didn’t even have a word for it. When somebody wanted something from her—even a stranger—she gave it, no matter how uncomfortable, exhausted, or resentful she felt inside. People-pleasing, she learned, was a coping mechanism that had kept her physically and emotionally safe in the past, but wreaked havoc on her life in the present—and she was committed to breaking the pattern once and for all.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Insightful and Incredibly Relatable
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2 out of 5 stars
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OK Material, but a little Offputting
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Healthy boundaries. We all know we should have them - in order to achieve work/life balance, cope with toxic people, and enjoy rewarding relationships with partners, friends, and family. But what do "healthy boundaries" really mean - and how can we successfully express our needs, say "no", and be assertive without offending others? Licensed counselor, sought-after relationship expert, and one of the most influential therapists on Instagram Nedra Glover Tawwab demystifies this complex topic for today's world.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Your Opinion is the Only Valid One
- By c on 05-13-21
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Adult Survivors of Toxic Family Members
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 165
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Do you have a toxic family member? Do you feel like cutting ties with this person—even as painful and scary as that may sound—would dramatically increase your well-being and improve your life? You're not alone. In Adult Survivors of Toxic Family Members, psychologist and toxic family survivor Sherrie Campbell offers effective strategies for setting strong boundaries after ending contact with a toxic family member, and provides powerful tools to help you heal from shame, self-doubt, and stigma. You'll find the validation you need to embrace your decision with pride.
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Taking my power back
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Boundaries, Updated and Expanded Edition
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Join the millions who have learned how to take control of their lives by setting healthy boundaries with their spouses, children, friends, parents, co-workers, and even themselves—in order to live life to the fullest. In Boundaries, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend share the lessons they've learned in their years of practicing psychology and studying the patterns and practices that support clear biblical boundaries. You'll learn the ins and outs of setting the boundaries that will transform your daily life.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Wonderful but should probably mention religion or the Bible in title
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By: John Townsend, and others
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Codependent No More
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Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one’s self-destructive behavior, you may be codependent—and you may find yourself in this book. With personal reflections, exercises, and instructive stories drawn from Beattie’s own life and the lives of those she’s counseled, Codependent No More helps you break old patterns and maintain healthy boundaries, and offers a clear and achievable path to healing, hope, freedom, and happiness.
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2 out of 5 stars
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great book with unbearable reader
- By Nielah on 09-01-22
By: Melody Beattie
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The Next Conversation
- Argue Less, Talk More
- By: Jefferson Fisher
- Narrated by: Jefferson Fisher
- Length: 11 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall0 out of 5 stars 0
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Performance0 out of 5 stars 0
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Story0 out of 5 stars 0
No matter who you’re talking to, The Next Conversation gives you immediately actionable strategies and phrases that will forever change how you communicate. Jefferson Fisher, trial lawyer and one of the leading voices on real-world communication, offers a tried-and-true framework that will show you how to transform your life and your relationships by improving your next conversation.
By: Jefferson Fisher
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Don't Believe Everything You Think (Expanded Edition)
- Why Your Thinking Is the Beginning & End of Suffering
- By: Joseph Nguyen
- Narrated by: Joseph Nguyen
- Length: 2 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 26
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 24
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Story5 out of 5 stars 24
Although pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. This book offers a completely new paradigm and understanding of where our human experience comes from, allowing us to end our own suffering and create how we want to feel at any moment. Don't Believe Everything You Think is not about rewiring your brain, rewriting your past, or positive thinking. We cannot solve our problems with the same level of consciousness that created them. Tactics are temporary. An expansion of consciousness is permanent.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Great Insight, Terrible delivery.
- By Kindle Customer on 11-14-24
By: Joseph Nguyen
What listeners say about When It's Never About You
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Lisa F.
- 10-11-19
A different perspective that’s worth listening to
I got a lot out of this book! It gave me a new perspective on my own life and choices and how to better handle conflict and other’s disapproval. It was 100% worth purchasing!!
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2 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- JOANN L JACQUES
- 04-16-19
Very well written and poignant book for our time
This book was especially helpful to my personal journey towards self autonomy and fulfillment. Dr. Irene’s method of subtlety integrating Eastern Insight/Buddhist psychology into her approach for self differentiation is a breath of fresh air in this venue. Thank-You for writing this book!
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3 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- bonnie allred
- 11-19-21
Very helpful
I really loved this book. Shes right on point with my people pleasing personality. This book really helped me!
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Overall1 out of 5 stars
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Performance1 out of 5 stars
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Story1 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 01-17-22
Not sensitive to abuse survivors
The general message that you shouldn't blame toxic people for what they did to you as well as you shouldn't cut toxic people out of your life is off the wall ridiculous. As someone who was emotionally abused as a child, I finally got my power back when I cut out my narcissistic mother. And yes, I'm still angry at her; but I'm healing while still angry. The idea that the two can't coincide is quite ridiculous. Maybe the book got better but I couldn't get past a few chapters.
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1 person found this helpful