The ADHD Vampire
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The ADHD Vampire
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Narrated by:
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Elizabeth Demetrios
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By:
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Matthew Vaughn
About this listen
A cruise ship for retired sex addicts, the USS Exciter, is the site of a party a lot of people on board will never forget (but some of them will, anyway). Lurking in the cargo hold is Horace Dracul, half-brother of the legendary Dracula, and he dreams of reaching the shores of a country where the blood flows like wine and bright, shiny lights are seemingly infinite. However, another member of the Exciter’s well-aged population has some secrets of her own: Martha - retired cyborg and ex-spy.
In the grand tradition of slasher-horror literature in which a lot of people are murdered in gruesome ways, The USS Exciter will host an orgy of violence and sex toys, and an easily distracted vampire named Horace might have himself a bloody-good time.
©2015 Matthew Vaughn (P)2019 Matthew VaughnListeners also enjoyed...
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-
5 out of 5 stars
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great adaptation
- By Michael Mason on 11-02-20
By: Michael Anderle
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Madness Unleashed
- Age of Madness - A Kurtherian Gambit Series
- By: Hayley Lawson, Michael Anderle
- Narrated by: Tanya Eby
- Length: 6 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 34
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 31
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 31
Two hundred years ago the earth was destroyed by the World’s Worst Day Ever. Keeping his head down for the last few centuries, a mutated vampire has taken advantage of the new post-apocalyptic normal. Now, Ryder is provided an opportunity to escape his tyrannical rule...but she won’t stand for simply disappearing; it’s time for justice. Taking one mutated vampire down should be no problem, right? Wrong! Throw in a newly developed herd of zombies, and Ryder is facing a full recipe for disaster. Get ready to enjoy the ride!
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3 out of 5 stars
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Bad Narration
- By Amazon Customer on 09-06-21
By: Hayley Lawson, and others
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Outpost
- By: W. Michael Gear
- Narrated by: Alyssa Bresnahan
- Length: 18 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 160
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 136
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Story4 out of 5 stars 137
Donovan is a world of remarkable wealth that comes at a high price. When Supervisor Kalico Aguila's ship arrives, she discovers a failing colony, its government overthrown, the few remaining colonists gone wild. Donovan could make her career - or kill her. Planetside, Talina Perez is one of three rulers of the Port Authority colony - the only law in the one remaining town. With the Corporate ship demanding answers about the things she's done, Perez could lose everything, including her life. For Dan Wirth, Donovan is a last chance. A psychopath with a death sentence looming over his head, he will make a desperate play for power. No matter who he has to corrupt, murder, or destroy. Captain Max Taggart is the Corporation's enforcer. But is it too late to seize control of Donovan?
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2 out of 5 stars
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Must have been written for teenage girls
- By Bob on 03-30-20
By: W. Michael Gear
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Black Phoenix
- By: Wayne Wightman, B. V. Larson
- Narrated by: Christian Rummel
- Length: 7 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 182
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 162
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 162
Earth’s first colony ship finally reaches the target world. The excitement of planetfall is indescribable, but quickly transforms into sick disappointment when they find the atmosphere is a roiling mass of hydrochloric acid, carbon dioxide, and other deadly poisons. They fly onward, seeking better planets. They find them, but none are ideal. The search goes on for a century, then longer still. As they move farther from Earth, aliens discover the intruding ship, and they begin to investigate humanity. They find our species unacceptable.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Uggggh
- By JonH on 09-20-19
By: Wayne Wightman, and others
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Infernal Justice, Books 1-3
- Ethan Drake Series
- By: N.P. Martin
- Narrated by: Brian Wiggins
- Length: 24 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 77
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 74
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 74
My name is Ethan Drake, and I’m a police detective. And I got plenty darkness to give. So does my partner, who’s a demon, and frankly, a royal pain in my ass. But occult investigators are in short supply in the PD, so what are you going to do? Anyway, we just caught a bodysnatching case that has the stench of occult workings all over it.
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5 out of 5 stars
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It wasn't quite what I expected, it was better!
- By Snyckerdoodle on 09-22-21
By: N.P. Martin
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Supernatural Inc.: Book 1
- By: Simon Archer
- Narrated by: Gabriel McKnight
- Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 172
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 149
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Story4 out of 5 stars 149
Life on Shelnora Island seemed to be perfect for me. A tropical paradise, great food, and beautiful women at the local sorority . . . until I crossed paths with a mysterious murder and sightings of an honest-to-God werewolf! Now I'm surrounded by three beautiful women, all drawn into the mystery, and it turns out that my new dog is a smoking hot shapeshifter. Life's gotten crazy, but maybe, if we all work together, we'll find out who the real killer is. Could it be the curmudgeonly divemaster with a grudge? The sleazy resort owner drumming up sensationalism for tourist bucks?
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4 out of 5 stars
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Its like Scooby-Doo but with a harem and explicit content
- By Amazon Customer on 07-01-24
By: Simon Archer
What listeners say about The ADHD Vampire
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- CoolGhoulsBookClub
- 09-30-23
super funny
I knew right away I was going to love this book. It's freaking hilarious. This takes place on an orgy cruise ship for the elderly. Lots of mentions of diapers and gumming, if you catch my drift. Elizabeth Demetrios is another new to me narrator, probably because a cursory glance at her Audible credits shows she mostly narrates cozy mysteries and shifter romance, but I like her. Anyway, everything is hunky dory for the horny old people right up until someone opens a crate in the cargo hold containing a dangerous stowaway. Did you know Dracula had a fuck up of a brother who dreams of his own bloody legacy? He is every bit as dangerous as his famous brother and has no trouble finding not one but three brides on the cruise ship, but he is endlessly distracted. ADHD vampire. But that doesn't stop him from wreaking havoc on the passengers of this ship. It's an all out blood sucking gore fest. And then as if this story didn't have enough WTF to go around, we meet Martha, the part cyborg octogenarian retired secret agent. Yeah, you read that right. Another ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ from me. This story is weird and disgusting and funny in a way that is totally on brand for Vaughn.
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