Self-Reg

How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life

By: Dr. Stuart Shanker

Narrated by: Robert Fass

The first parenting book to bring the science and psychology of children's behavior together to build brain/body awareness for self-regulation and success.

Self-Reg is a groundbreaking book that presents an entirely new understanding of your child's emotions and behavior and serves as a practical guide for parents to help their kids engage calmly and successfully in learning and life. Rooted in decades of clinical practice and research by leading child psychologist Dr. Stuart Shanker, Self-Reg realigns the power of the parent-child relationship for positive change.

Self-regulation is the nervous system's way of responding to stress. We are seeing a generation of children and teens with excessively high levels of stress and, as a result, an explosion of emotional, social, learning, behavior, and physical health problems. But few parents recognize the hidden stressors that their children are struggling with physiologically as well as socially and emotionally. An entrenched view of childrearing is seeing our children as lacking self-control or willpower, but the real basis for these problems lies in excessive stress.

Self-regulation can dramatically improve a child's mood, attention, and concentration. It can help children to feel empathy and to develop the sorts of virtues that every parent knows are vital for their child's long-term well-being. Self-regulation brings about profound and lasting transformation that continues to mature throughout life.

Shanker translates decades of his findings from working with children into practical, prescriptive advice for parents, giving them concrete ways to develop their self-regulation skills and teach their children how to do the same for optimal learning, social, and emotional growth as well as for overall well-being.

©2016 Stuart Shanker (P)2016 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

“Though this book takes children’s needs as its focus, it is really focused on providing guidance - and even a degree of consolation - to adults as they navigate the often tricky parent-child relationship. Shanker gives readers clear explanations of even the more complex neurological information, such as the role of the limbic system, as well as ample diagrams. And the discussion does not stop at the early childhood stage, moving ultimately into adolescence. If the stressed populations most in need of this book’s lessons can find the time to read it, they will appreciate its potential to bring the minds of both parent and child to a state of heightened attentiveness with minimal anxiety.” (Publishers Weekly)

"Comprehensive data backs up a much-tested system that assists parents in getting their children to a calmer state of mind....straightforward and will be useful for any age level." (Kirkus Reviews)

“Our digital age is stressful, frantic and over-stimulating. Raising a child today requires an understanding of self-regulation. Self-Reg is a wonderful guide for parents, a way to understand the hidden stressors facing children, and their neurological, psychological, social, and emotional effects. Dr. Shanker helps parents not just to understand the meaning of their child’s behavior with compassion, but, just as essentially, how to calm themselves in order to better guide their children toward more positively engaged living.” (Catherine Steiner-Adair, EdD, author of The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age)

Best book on belong yourself and your children.

This was one of the most informative and helpful audiobooks that I have listened to. I have been a practicing therapist for over 20 years and I listen to and read 10-15 therapy related books each year. This book has helped me to look at therapy and human needs (my clients AND my own) in a very different manner. I recommend it for everyone but especially anyone in the helping or teaching professions as well as anyone with their own children.

Illuminating

This book really helped me understand some of my child's behaviors, and better yet what to do about them. I do wish the action steps provided were a little more robust, but just understanding my role better will, I think, be immensely helpful for both of us.

Lens changing look at your kids and self

The information conveyed in this story has been a game changer as a parent. It has helped me view my children's behavior through an entirely different lens and has helped us through the ups and downs of parenting. I highly recommend this read for parents and educators. #Parentingtips #Lenschange #Forthekids #Tagsgiving #Sweepstakes

Loved it!

This will help me so much in so many ways! Best book ever! I can't wait to tell others!

Excellent Read!

for all those parents who have kids with ADHD, this is a must read. I would also encourage those adult who have issues with self regulating for whatever reason to read the book as well. 

A must read for anyone raising or working with children

As a psychotherapist, this is one of the most important books I’ve read to date. It has helped me reframe so much of the volatile behavior I’ve seen in children, parents and couples, and enabled me to reformulate my approach.

Great awareness

I loved the awareness this book gives for self reg. So many good insights but I kept hoping it would get around to more clearly listing the steps of what to do and how to do it. Perhaps this is because it is so personalized. But I Feel like it made you think you needed a counselor to walk you through implementing this rather than teaching you how to implement it yourself. Overall it was great to see my children with a different lens. Thank you!

good info but boring

the book has good information, but the book is very boring. it also seems like he could more explicitly call out what the actual steps for self reg are. he does say what they are early on, but if you blink you might miss them

But what is it?

There are some fantastic insights here, but after listening to the book, I still had no clue what the 5 steps to “self reg” actually were …

A must for parents and teachers

A balance of Leading Edge science, psychology and heart centered parenting. The author puts in just enough examples from real life. The part about adolescence and self care was especially meaningful.