New York Hates Your Face
A Book of F--king Essays
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New York Hates Your Face
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Narrated by:
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Matt Stevens
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By:
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R B Winters
About this listen
Moving to New York City is the worst decision you'll ever make. Unless you're like a certain singer who arrived with millions of dollars and legions of screaming fans. You're going to live in the equivalent of a shack [shit hole], suffer through moronic roommates [personal death], be broke off your ass [literally], and all while trying to prove to the world [yourself] you can make it in the big city. You can call it a day and crawl back to wherever you hail from or you can put on your big girl panties and survive. For those of us who survive [this book is a survival guide], we thrive and that's why no matter how badly the city sucks [the life out of you] it's the only place worth calling home.
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-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,066
In the tradition of the late, great George Carlin, Corey Taylor, the lead singer of Slipknot and Stone Sour, sounds off in hilarious fashion about the many vagaries of modern life that piss him off. Whether it's people's rude behavior in restaurants and malls, the many indignities of air travel, eye-searingly terrible fashion choices, dangerously clueless drivers, and - most of all - the sorry state of much modern music, Taylor's humor and insight cover civil society's seeming decline.
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5 out of 5 stars
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New perspective.
- By jeremy on 09-22-15
By: Corey Taylor
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Schadenfreude, a Love Story
- Me, the Germans, and 20 Years of Attempted Transformations, Unfortunate Miscommunications, and Humiliating Situations That Only They Have Words For
- By: Rebecca Schuman
- Narrated by: Christa Lewis
- Length: 8 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 22
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 19
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 19
Schadenfreude is the story of a teenage Jewish intellectual who falls in love - in love with a boy (who breaks her heart), a language (that's nearly impossible to master), a culture (that's nihilistic but punctual), and a landscape (that's breathtaking when there's not a wall in the way). Rebecca is an everyday, misunderstood '90s teenager with a passion for Pearl Jam and Ethan Hawke circa Reality Bites until two men walk into her high school civics class: Dylan Gellner and Franz Kafka, hitching a ride in Dylan's backpack.
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5 out of 5 stars
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A humorous, delectable read
- By Amazon Customer on 07-13-17
By: Rebecca Schuman
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You're Better than Me
- A Memoir
- By: Bonnie McFarlane
- Narrated by: Bonnie McFarlane, Alexander Cendese
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 295
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 271
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 268
In the spirit of Mindy Kaling, Kelly Oxford, and Sarah Silverman, a compulsively listenable and outrageously funny memoir of growing up as a fish out of water, finding your voice, and embracing your inner crazy person from popular actress, writer, and comedian Bonnie McFarlane.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Sandy!!! She wrote a book...it's crazy, a book!!!
- By Jonathan Placek on 03-02-16
By: Bonnie McFarlane
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I Regret Nothing
- A Memoir
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster
- Length: 9 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 411
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 368
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 364
New York Times best-selling author Jen Lancaster has lived a life based on re-invention and self-improvement. From Bitter Is the New Black to The Tao of Martha, she’s managed to document her (and her generation’s) attempts to shape up, grow up, and have it all - sometimes with disastrous results...Mistakes are one thing; regrets are another. After a girls’ weekend in Savannah makes her realize that she is - yikes! - middle-aged (binge watching is so the new binge drinking), Jen decides to make a bucket list and seize the day.
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3 out of 5 stars
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The Smug Is Strong With This One
- By T. Filowitz on 05-24-15
By: Jen Lancaster
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Road Dog
- Life and Reflections from the Road as a Stand-up Comic
- By: Dov Davidoff
- Narrated by: Dov Davidoff
- Length: 5 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 30
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 26
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 27
Road Dog is comedian, actor, and writer, Dov Davidoff's unflinching memoir told through reflections of twelve months on the road. Davidoff travels across the country from college campuses to local theaters doing stand-up comedy and telling it like it is. He's been known to wax poetic about everything from encounters with large fake breasts, to people who have too many kids, to magnum condoms the size of CD cases. He is hilarious and relatable and will have you laughing at yourself in no time.
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5 out of 5 stars
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dark, real, & exceptional
- By Luis F Rodriguez on 11-22-17
By: Dov Davidoff
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What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker
- A Memoir in Essays
- By: Damon Young
- Narrated by: Damon Young
- Length: 8 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 595
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 533
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 533
For Damon Young, existing while Black is an extreme sport. The act of possessing Black skin while searching for space to breathe in America is enough to induce a ceaseless state of angst where questions such as “How should I react here, as a professional black person?” and “Will this white person’s potato salad kill me?” are forever relevant. What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Blacker chronicles Young’s efforts to survive while battling and making sense of the various neuroses his country has given him.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Reviewed by a B
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I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 463
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 404
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 402
Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
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30 Before 30
- How I Made a Mess of 20s, and You Can Too
- By: Marina Shifrin
- Narrated by: Marina Shifrin
- Length: 6 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 36
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 32
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 33
Something was nagging Marina Shifrin. As a freshly minted adult with student loan payments and a “real” job she hated that paid her enough to get by if she also worked two other jobs, something needed to change. Marina and her friend each made lists of 30 things they’d do before the age of 30. The first thing on Marina’s list was, “Quit My Shitty Job”. So she did, and just like that the List powered her through her twenties. Told with humor and heart, 30 Before 30 will entertain, motivate, and challenge listeners to get out of their comfort zones and live their best lives.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Inspiring read
- By Chris Gledhill on 12-18-18
By: Marina Shifrin
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This Might Get a Little Heavy
- A Memoir
- By: Ralphie May, Nils Parker
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 284
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 248
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 249
There was a time when Ralphie May was one of the biggest stand-up comedians in the country, both by ticket sales and by tonnage. While some things changed - Ralphie lost half his body weight - others did not: He will be remembered as one of the most successful comics of his time. Completed just months before his untimely passing, in This Might Get a Little Heavy, Ralphie takes listeners on a behind-the-scenes tour of his life and career, one that winds across the country, over obstacles, beyond heartbreak, and through the golden age of stand-up.
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5 out of 5 stars
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brilliant and tragic
- By Timothy Trujillo on 08-12-18
By: Ralphie May, and others
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I Like You Just the Way I Am
- Stories About Me and Some Other People
- By: Jenny Mollen
- Narrated by: Jenny Mollen
- Length: 7 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 835
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 745
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 737
Jenny Mollen is an actress and writer living in Los Angeles. She is also a wife, married to a famous guy (which is annoying only because he gets free shit and she doesn't). She doesn't want much from life. Just to be loved - by everybody: her parents, her dogs, her ex-boyfriends, her ex-boyfriends' dogs, her husband, her husband's ex-girlfriends, her husband's ex-girlfriend's new boyfriends, etc.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Hmm...Why am I listening to a bio of Jenny Mollen?
- By Elisabeth W. on 09-16-15
By: Jenny Mollen
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Out of Orange
- A Memoir
- By: Cleary Wolters
- Narrated by: Barbara Rosenblat
- Length: 11 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 245
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 214
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Story4 out of 5 stars 215
The real-life Alex Vause from the critically acclaimed, top-rated Netflix show Orange Is the New Black tells her story in her own words for the first time - a powerful, surprising memoir about crime and punishment, friendship and marriage, and a life caught in the ruinous drug trade and beyond.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Must read for OITNB fans
- By D. T. Douglas on 06-21-15
By: Cleary Wolters
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Sober Stick Figure
- A Memoir
- By: Amber Tozer
- Narrated by: Amber Tozer
- Length: 5 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 244
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 217
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Story4 out of 5 stars 215
Sober Stick Figure is a memoir from stand-up comedian Amber Tozer, chronicling her life as an alcoholic - starting with her first drink at the age of seven - and her eventual recovery. Amber writes about the crazy and harsh truths of being raised by alcoholics, becoming one herself, stagnating in denial for years, and finally getting sober.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Author's voice unbearable
- By Kylee on 12-09-16
By: Amber Tozer
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Everything Is Awful
- And Other Observations
- By: Matt Bellassai
- Narrated by: Matt Bellassai
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,042
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 954
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Story4 out of 5 stars 950
From the break-out star of BuzzFeed and the People's Choice Award-winning comedian comes a collection of hilariously anguished essays chronicling awful moments from his life so far, the humiliations of being an adult, and other little indignities. Matt Bellassai has no idea what he's doing. Well, to be fair, he did become semi-Internet famous by getting drunk at work, making him a socially-acceptable - nay - professional alcoholic. He's got some things figured out. But the rest is all just a terrible, disgusting mess.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Best Audio Book I’ve heard ever.
- By M on 11-23-17
By: Matt Bellassai
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Crash and Burn
- By: Artie Lange, Anthony Bozza
- Narrated by: Sean Runnette
- Length: 10 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,212
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,082
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,083
At a high point in his career, Artie Lange performed a sold-out show in Carnegie Hall-and he did it with a pocketful of heroin. In the midst of a deep, self-destructive depression, addicted to heroin, cocaine, and prescription drugs, he lashed out at everyone around him-from his cohosts on The Howard Stern Show to celebrity guests and even his longtime friends. Then came his legendary meltdown on-air, with 6 million people listening, after which Lange pulled himself together enough to go to a buddy's bachelor party in Amsterdam.
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3 out of 5 stars
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[Narrator Fail] Comic Genius+Depression+Drugs=Mess
- By Hilary on 11-07-13
By: Artie Lange, and others
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I Don’t Care about Your Band
- What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated
- By: Julie Klausner
- Narrated by: Julie Klausner
- Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 339
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 307
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Story4 out of 5 stars 309
In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage. I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Shopping for Men at the Wrong Mall
- By Pamela Harvey on 01-02-13
By: Julie Klausner