How to Be the Love You Seek

Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships

By: Dr. Nicole LePera

Narrated by: Courtney Patterson

INSTANT #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

"A practical, reader-friendly, and inspiring primer on how to extend true connection and love to others.” —Gabor Maté M.D., New York Times bestselling author of The Myth of Normal

From the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller How to Do the Work comes this paradigm-shifting guide to healing your relationships, beginning with the one you have with yourself.

Relationships have always been essential to human survival. Our bodies and brains are programmed to seek out connection, whether familial, romantic, or platonic. And yet, these vital bonds are often at the root of our deepest suffering. While our hearts are primed for compassionate connection, our nervous systems—which store all our past hurts and disappointments—are wired for threat and negativity.

For decades, leading relationship advice has maintained that successful relationships require a specific compromise—that we must change our authentic expression to better meet the needs of others, and vice versa. It may sound reasonable in theory, but as Dr. LePera explains, this approach is nothing less than a recipe for a lifetime of resentment.

In How to Be the Love You Seek, #1 New York Times bestselling author Dr. LePera—whose integrative, holistic approach to psychology has attracted an international audience of millions—offers a new path to healing our relationships. Harnessing the latest scientific research, she teaches us to recognize how unmet needs from our earliest relationships create our current, dysfunctional relationship patterns, and leave us in a state of constant internal threat, even with those closest to us.

This book, the last in her “How To” trilogy, illuminates the way out of trauma bonds and into relationships rooted in mutual respect and compassion. In it, you will learn how to create safety in your own body and mind; identify your unmet needs; develop emotional resilience; cultivate heart coherence to build deep emotional connections with others; and maintain healthy interdependence in our communities.

Whether you struggle to maintain the kinds of relationships you want, or are facing a specific challenge with a spouse, partner, parent, sibling, child, friend, or colleague—Dr. LePera teaches us how to break painful cycles and reconnect with the wisdom, appreciation, and compassion that lives in each of our hearts. It is our heart’s innate capacity to love that is the true source of all healing. When we tap into that power, we can become the love we seek.

Complete with stories, exercises, journal prompts, and other practical tools, How to Be the Love You Seek offers a healing roadmap for all generations of cycle-breakers.

©2023 Dr. Nicole LePera (P)2023 HarperCollins Publishers

Are already are the love you seek

Dr. Nicole has once again produced an exceptional book that has the potential to profoundly impact individuals seeking self-improvement and enhanced interpersonal relationships. The book offers valuable insights and practical guidance on cultivating self-love and establishing healthy boundaries. I highly recommend it to anyone interested in personal growth and fostering meaningful connections with others.

We are the love we seek. Change yourself to attract what you desire.

This book is filled with scientific epiphanies. Excellent tools, references to other works and personal stories that make ….REAL. Thank you!

Excellent read

If you are ready to begin your healing journey this is the perfect book to read. This is one of my favorites. 5 stars, totally recommend.

Peace and love

Change is constant and finding ways to make and improve yourself with connections through everyday interactions and experiences can help you achieve in finding yourself. Wisdom is a powerful source that helps too

Love is the creation of who we are.

Truly one of my favorites. Well written, beautifully said.
We are the creation of love and all the love we seek is within us.

Outstanding

What a great book! As I awaken to some habits and patterns I operate in without awareness it’s been such a great guide to helping me see how these behaviors affect me regularly. The book offers tools and guidance to how to navigate relationships.

Amazing book!

I got a better understanding of why my relationships followed the same pattern. Everything makes sense now 🙂

Clear, resonant and helpful

This book felt deeply resonant to me, gave clarity and clear instruction to be more in touch with who I am and to be closer yo the people around me. I’m so glad I read it

solid worthwhile read

I would have given the overall rating 5 stars if the audio version of the book had included the sources of the studies mentioned toward the end of the book, regarding collective consciousness.

Many Nuggets but…

I liked the book and I picked up a lot of tools that I’ll carry forward but I wasn’t too keen on all the author’s personal stories. I wonder if she could have reinforced some of her points in other ways. I liked the examples provided of her patients/clients though. Overall, it was a good book that I can see myself referencing in the future.