Harriet Lerner on Mothers and Daughters

Breaking the Patterns That Keep You Stuck

By: Harriet Lerner PhD

Narrated by: Harriet Lerner PhD

Before a woman is anything else, she is a daughter. Her relationship with her mother anchors every other relationship in her life. Yet as an adult she may still blame her mother, try to change her, or fail to speak out about issues that matter. Harriet Lerner on Mothers and Daughters is a personal conversation for every woman who seeks to better understand the mystery of the mother-daughter bond. Dr. Lerner illustrates why our mothers inevitably disappoint us, and why it is so hard to stay connected - and stay ourselves - when differences arise. With specific skills and guidelines for changing the patterns that keep us stuck, Harriet Lerner on Mothers and Daughters represents this esteemed psychologist's most complete work on the central relationship in the emotional lives of women.

©2009 Harriet Lerner (P)2009 Harriet Lerner

Wish there were more tangible ideas to improve relationships

This book did give me a few things to think about when evaluating my relationship with my mother. Aside from being objective and putting myself in her shoes (I’m oversimplifying), there’s not as much here to work with as I’d like. I enjoy Dr. Lerner’s work; I just wish I could get more specific ways to address things, including navigating difficult conversations.

interesting

This short book summarizes the importance of differentiation in a mother-daughter relationship. It explains why being able to accept differences in others begings with accepting the differences between mother and daughter and maintaining a dialogue.

Excellent insight into a complex relationship

Harriet Lerner has changed my view of motherhood. Her words are insightful, thoughtful and potent.

Helpful Examples

I liked this book. It was short and sweet. Dr. Lerner gives some great examples and stories to gain a deeper perspective of the mother/daughter relationship.

Great but too short. Want and need more!

I love her voice and her work but it should be at a discounted rate since it’s so short! Very helpful though!

Useful Application of Family Systems Theory

Bowen Family Systems theory, feminist theory. and other major principles are represented as the author guides listeners in examining the impact our relationships with our mothers has on our lives.
Generally helpful examples are provided, and the author takes the position of experienced therapist, mentor, and fellow journeyman.

A must have as a participant and guide!

Such a beautiful depiction of such an intricately necessary and delicately personal relationship between women.

Eye opening

Eye opening but missing many aspects of the relationship. The example of the abusing father and the acknowledgment of mother and daughter different views and acceptance, misses the fact that the mother needed to protect her minor daughter from the abuse. There is no excuse for sexual child abuse and the mother is accountable and responsible for it too. She knew about it and excused it. The anger and guilt take a fundamental roll.
Other points are very well explained and I loved the last piece where she talks about glorifying motherhood is not the same as valuing them.

I just wish there was a second volume

Take the history, listen to mom empathically and then what?! Our connection is still the most difficult in my life. (Because I can’t divorce her!)

Perfect for this mother dealing with adult angry, resentful daughter

Thank you so much for your audio tape. Yes your message resonated with me. Yes, you hit on some painful family matters. I am 70 and my
daughter is 41. Listening to your tape, I realize how very very long
and difficult reconciliation between us will be. She strikes at me like
a snake, I strike back, and then she disappears. I am in therapy for my
angry responses. I am tough, I can take whatever she will say to me.
I just wish she would talk, before I leave this world. I love her dearly.