Getting to Zero

How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships

By: Jayson Gaddis

Narrated by: Jayson Gaddis

The counselor, teacher, and founder of The Relationship School reveals the origins of conflict styles, and how to stop avoiding and resolve conflict in relationships with loved ones.

Conflicts in our closest relationships are scary because so much is at stake. If the conflict doesn't go well, we could lose our marriage, our family, or our job, all connected to our security and survival. So we do just about anything not to lose those relationships, including avoid conflict, betraying ourselves or becoming dishonest. Unresolved conflict affects every single aspect of our lives, from self-confidence to physical and mental health.

Jayson Gaddis is a personal trainer for relationships and one of the world’s leading authorities on interpersonal conflict. For almost two decades, Gaddis has helped individuals, couples, and teams get to the bottom of their deepest conflicts. He helps people see the wisdom in conflict and how to get to zero - how “clean and clear” we feel with others when we have successfully worked through a disagreement. We get to a place where there is “zero” conflict.

In Getting to Zero, Gaddis shows the listener how to stop running away from uncomfortable conversations and instead learn how to work through them. Through funny personal stories, uncomfortable examples, and effective tools and skills, he shows the listener how to move from disconnection to connection, acceptance, and understanding. This method upgrades the old tired and static conflict resolution approaches and offers a fresh, street-level, user-friendly road map on exactly how to work through conflict with the people you care most about.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2021 Jayson Gaddis (P)2021 Hachette Go

Critic reviews

“In this compelling guide to approaching conflict in our most intimate relationships, Jayson Gaddis offers a science-informed, practical toolbox for resolving the inevitable tensions that arise in our personal and professional lives. Filled with useful concepts and readily applicable steps to sensing and solving interpersonal challenges, repairing ruptures when they occur, this book is not about trying to achieve a life without difficulties in our relationships, but is about moving toward a receptive state of calm and clarity - a state our author names as “zero” - in which we can engage our inner life and our connections with others with kindness and presence that research suggests are at the core of mutually rewarding, generative ways of living with compassion, connection, and well-being.” (Daniel J. Siegel, MD, executive director, Mindsight Institute, New York Times best-selling author of IntraConnected, Mind, Mindsight, and Aware)

“Jayson Gaddis has written, in our view, one of the most clear and helpful books on this endemic feature of our humanity: conflict. If you want to know what conflict is and how to resolve it, Getting to Zero will give you to that destination. We recommend this book to everyone who has ever felt that twitch which plunges us into darkness. While it is replete with accessible theory about what is happening in your mind and brain, it is even more generous with practical guidance from that will lead you from conflict to connection.” (Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples)

"As a couples therapist, professor, and relationship educator, I am excited to recommend Getting to Zero to my clients and students. Jayson Gaddis is a magnificent teacher - thoughtful, warm, nerdy, practical, and wise. The approach he offers on these pages is one that serves our bodies, our minds, our hearts, and our souls. Dive in! You are going to be so glad you did...and the people you love will be so glad too!" (Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, faculty, School of Education and Social Policy, Northwestern University; author of Loving Bravely and Taking Sexy Back)

My husband noticed a change in me immediately!

I got the Audible version and could not stop listening. The tools and skills taught in this book are a MUST for everyone to learn. I wish they would be taught in school. Our world would look a lot different if we all knew how to deal better with inner and outer conflicts. My husband even mentioned: "I don't know what you did, but I love the change in you." GET THE BOOK NOW! It will change your relationships forever.

This book may have helped save my marriage

This is an absolutely amazing book. Everyone should read/listen to. Had I had this book years ago before I left my husband it might’ve helped save our marriage. The tools in this book are like nothing I have ever seen or heard. The style is something you can apply throughout your whole life and all of your relationships! This book is changing my life, the corresponding podcast is a wonderful pairing with the book as well. Jason is out there doing other amazing work helping other people! He offers workshops for both personal/relationship growth, as well as if you want to become a trained relationship counselor! The potential for true personal growth is really infinite and certainly some thing I think most people strive for but had not really known how to do without spending years in therapy.
Like I said, I wish I had found this book years ago, but I am blessed to have found it now! I have shared it with all of my friends and family, too!

Thank you so much, Jason! I love hearing your wife and daughter on the podcast as well. It definitely brings a personal touch to your show / podcast.

The narration is great, it’s easy to understand, and can be applied immediately, even if you might be in the middle of a conflict. Matter fact, I shared it recently with my current partner he listened to it, and we were able to resolve that issue and move forward in a new way.

I can’t thank you enough for this amazing work you’re doing Jason!

Wow.

Everything the world doesn’t know it needs yet. Amazing. Game changing. So excited for this to move into the collective consciousness.

Amazing contribution to the human experience

Amazing read-both in hard copy, as well as listening to Jayson Gaddis in this audible. The tools he presents are constant “ah ha’s” to a more aware ‘you’ in relationship to yourself and an intimate partnership. Transformative!

Worth the work!!

Wish this was mandatory study for all and we held eachother accountable to going the binaries practiced here.
It’s a counseling book for counselors. Diagnosis isn’t really mentioned but unhealthy, out of balance attitudes and actions are given practical actions to turn into healthy relating, whereby diagnosis wouldn’t be applicable anymore anyway (tendencies/propensity vs. active/inactive character habits).

A must read

I am on my second time through Getting To Zero. It is extremely helpful and truly life changing. I have struggled with conflict my entire life and just one time reading it I have implemented parts that have allowed me to handle conflicts in a calm way that I have never been able to.

Gave me the words I needed

The tools are solid and delivery is on point. The book is practical and profound. My marriage has been challenging and this was a key asset in my understanding of repair. Ownership and empathy.

Amazing!

A truly helpful text in learning to navigate conflict in high stakes relationships. I wish I knew this before now. Looking forward to trying to heal the relationships most important to me using this method!

The Conflict management and self-awareness bible

This book is absolutely amazing. If you have challenges when interacting with others during conflict or others have problems interacting with you, read this book! I plan to read and reread this for the rest of my life

Beautiful

I really enjoyed listening to this book. It was pretty heavy at times so I did take my time through it. I was impressed by the amount of detail he went into when writing about our nervous system, our scared animal, and behavior patterns that all contribute to how we deal or don’t deal with conflict. It was well structured and organized. I liked his use of acronyms that gave step by step directions to communicate, listen and resolve conflict effectively. Great book, I will probably end up referring to it later and re-reading when I need to.