At Dark, I Become Loathsome

By: Eric LaRocca

Narrated by: Andrew Eiden

From Eric LaRocca—Bram Stoker Award–nominated and Splatterpunk Award–winning author of Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke—comes At Dark, I Become Loathsome, a grim yet gentle, horrifying yet hopeful, intense tale of death, trauma, and love.

“If you’re reading this, you’ve likely thought that the world would be a better place without you.”

A single line of text, glowing in the darkness of the internet. Written by Ashley Lutin, who has often thought the same—and worse—in the years since his wife died and his young son disappeared. But the peace of the grave is not for him—it’s for those he can help. Ashley has constructed a peculiar ritual for those whose desire to die is at war with their yearning to live a better life.

Struggling to overcome his own endless grief, one night Ashley finds connection with Jinx—a potential candidate for Ashley’s next ritual—who spins a tale both revolting and fascinating. Thus begins a relationship that traps the two men in an ever-tightening spiral of painful revelations, where long-hidden secrets are dragged, kicking and screaming, into the light.

Only through pain can we find healing. Only through death can we find new life.

Book discussion questions are available here: s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/www.blackstoneaudio.com/docs/At%20Dark%20I%20Become%20Loathsome%20Discussion%20Questions.pdf

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2025 Eric LaRocca (P)2025 Blackstone Publishing

If you want to feel weirded out and read about loss, this is it

This was different. It was a unique take on someone who has been ravaged by loss and tries to find the thing that keeps them going. Although the two side stories do give context to the plot, I believe they took up too much space in relation to the length of the main plot. There could’ve been more done there to keep the audience going. Nonetheless- creepy, disgusting, sexual, agonizing, and a great listen (loved the narrator). Overall I’d say a 7.8-7.9/10

Dark tragedy dealing with loss and death

The story was good and the characters are tragic but it’s a great story told by Mr Larooca

There’s always a first

This is the first audiobook I read that’s is more thriller or like spooky vibes, and I have to say it was so good! Like wow must hear or read 🔥

The reader ! His voice was nice and didn’t bore me.

The story was okay, and good. Would not re read. But it was a good story.

this is so dark

I kept hoping for redemption. this was so dark and I thought about not finishing it several times. I don't think I've ever read or listened to anything quite like this. I don't know that I ever want to do it again. it's incredibly well done, but beware cuz it will take you to a dark place. it's got wrenching and sad and it stays there and it holds you in that grasp. wow! I kept hoping for redemption this was so dark and I thought about not finishing it several times I don't think I've ever read or listened to anything quite like this I don't know that I ever want to do it again it's incredibly well done but beware cuz it will take you to a dark place it's got wrenching and sad and it stays there and it holds you in that grass well

unbelievably annoying

a good story ruined by irritating repetitive "artistic" choices. I would've enjoyed this story if the author hadn't kept repeating the title over and over again every other sentence. it must've been annoying to type it but Im sure copy and paste made it a little easier. other obnoxious unnecessary repetition, an online chat where the entire chat handle is repeated after every sentence. it's repeated probably 60 + times in the span of a 10 minute aside. when reading this you would just skip over it but as an audio book you have to hear the narrator repeat it over and over in a slightly more intense manor suggestions that the repetition is somehow elevating the over all experience. it really doesn't. its just annoying.

DNF

Narrator is good, premise is good. I dont want to listen to the detailed abuse of dogs. After the 2nd description of killing a dog I DNF'd. A trigger warning would have stopped me from spending the money at all.

yuck. what a time suck

Bad, dark, violent. Who masturbates to illness? Waste of talent 9pn the author's part? I need a shower