Showing results by narrator "Arte Johnson" in All Categories

Since Dave Barry writes about weird things, you might be tempted to think he has a weird brain. He does, of course, but that's not the whole explanation: A lot of the things he writes about—exploding Pop-Tarts, for example—are real. Join Dave as he examines UFO thrill-seekers and Elvis-worshippers, runs for president, and plays Claptonesque guitar in the world's most literary band that includes Stephen King (The Rock-Bottom Remainders).

Drawing upon everyday incidents, common situations, and rural imagery, Robert Frost fashioned poetry of great lyrical beauty and potent symbolism. His language is simple, clear, and colloquial, yet dense with meaning and wider significance. This brilliant collection features some of Frost's greatest works, including "The Road Not Taken," "Asking for Roses," "The Death of the Hired Man," "In the Home Stretch," "Into My Own," "Meeting and Passing," "Mending Wall," and more.

Bad Dogs Have More Fun is an unforgettable collection of more that 75 newspaper columns by John Grogan, the number-one New York Times best-selling author of Marley & Me. Combining humor, wit, poignancy and affection, these columns provide insight into the intriguing and wonderful world we live in.

Now is not the time to start that fitness program! Instead, laugh along with humorist Dave Barry as he debunks, demotivates, and delights on the subject of fitness. Hear his inimitable views on exercise ("the best time would be the first thing after Easter, but not the one coming up"), weights ("big-time lifters have turned into 400-pound hairy sweaty shapeless grunting masses of tissue. And the men are even worse"), and much more.

America's most beloved writer, Lilian Jackson Braun, author of twenty-four Cat Who... mysteries is now the subject of a mystery herself. In this spoof by one of her most ardent admirers, her beheaded body has been discovered in the men's room of a gay bar in Lower Manhattan. The police are baffled, and so it is up to Braun's eccentric writer friend, James Q. (Qafka), and his Siamese cats Ying-Ton and Poon-Tang to solve the ghastly mystery.

Known as a "poet of the people," Carl Sandburg wrote verses infused with soulfulness and lyric grace, and his work was characterized with a love and compassion for the common man. Here is a collection of nearly 100 of his best poems, including "Chicago," "Fog," "To a Contemporary Bunkshooter," "Masses," and "The Great Hunt," as well as other verses featuring themes like love, war, death, loneliness, immigrant life, and the beauty of nature.

In 2001, the government was seized by a ne'er-do-well rich boy and his elderly henchmen. Our great economic expansion unraveled, our water was poisoned, and SUVs advanced like a plague of locusts. Michael Moore has a lot to say and isn't holding back. The powerful are the target, and still are stupid white men. In this bleakly funny work, Moore reveals how the great and the good screw us over; how President George W. Bush stole an election; how the rich stay rich while forcing the rest of us to live in economic fear; and how politicians have whored themselves to big business.

"If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a quitter," Russell Baker's mother always said. Baker certainly never quit - in fact, this fantastic journalist's Pulitzer Prize-winning column appears twice a week in The New York Times. This book, his second autobiographical volume, describes the rewarding stages of his career and his encounters with John F. Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson, Eugene McCarthy, and other major figures. All the wit, perceptiveness, and poignant humor that has graced his column for many years comes through in this engaging memoir.

Today's Generation iY (teens brought up with the Internet) and Homelanders (children born after 9/11) are overexposed to information at an earlier age than ever and paradoxically are underexposed to meaningful relationships and real-life experiences. Artificial Maturity addresses the problem of what to do when parents and teachers mistake children's superficial knowledge for real maturity. The audiobook is filled with practical steps that adults can take to furnish the experiences kids need to balance their abilities with authentic maturity.

Meet Edgar and Allan Poe - 12-year-old identical twins, the great-great-great-great-grandnephews of Edgar Allan Poe. They look and act so much alike that they're almost one mischievous, prank-playing boy in two bodies. When their beloved black cat, Roderick Usher, is kidnapped and transported to the Midwest, Edgar and Allan convince their guardians that it's time for a road trip.

Dr. Becky Sorenson has found a cache of frogs with a very high mutation rate...and some odd behaviors. Dr. David Carter’s core earth samples seem to indicate the next polar reversal will be worse than predicted. And CDC researchers Jordan and Jillian are looking at a strange new disease. When the four scientists delve deeper, they discover they are all looking at the leading edge of a sweeping magnetic polar reversal. As humanity ignores their increasingly panicked warnings, the scientists will have to fight to save everyone...if they even can.

Intrigue, crime, and murder create suspense in this edge-of-your-seat collection of cat mystery stories whose plots are all centered on a beloved feline, written by some of the finest, best-selling mystery writers of all time.

Dave Barry didn't know what he was letting himself in for when he invited his Legion of Alert Readers to submit their nominees in the Bad Song Survey. "Song badness," he soon learned, "is an issue that Americans care deeply about."Now John Ritter and Arte Johnson present for you the songs that Americans love to hate. There is Gary Puckett and the Union Gap Band's "Young Girl" ("Young girl, get out of my mind, my love for you is way out of line..."), which is not to be confused with "Woman", and "This Girl Is a Woman Now"....

What would it take to lure a serious young newswoman from a respectable New England paper to the most notorious supermarket tabloid in America? The call of journalistic adventure? How about a promise of a salary that's triple what she's making? En route to her new job at the Weekly Galaxy, Sara Joslyn stumbles across a bloody corpse in a Buick Riviera. A big story? Not at this paper. The problem is compounded when the dead man vanishes, Buick and all.

From the grand old man of comedy, George Burns to the up-to-the minute observations of today's everyman, Dave Barry, these great humorists share one thing in common: their very individual, often raucously funny perception of the world around them. Laugh and enjoy!

Prepare to be entertained by a host of Hollywood celebrities reading the finest collection of short mystery stories surrounding the world of entertainment.

Wild mustangs, ghosts on the ranch, gun-toting outlaws and trailblazing cowboys roam the pages of this collection of 8 classic stories about the American frontier. Travel down "The Road to Hell" with a mysterious ranch builder, face down the "Yellow Devil" mountain lion, travel "Where the Wind Blows Free," and join in on a herd of other adventures that will keep you reading until long after high noon.

Ever miss a prime opportunity for a snappy comeback or a perfect putdown? We all have, kicking ourselves later when we think of what we could have said. The well-aimed insult was never in better shape than when Shakespeare mastered the art of defining dramatic conflict with rapier wit rather than swordplay.

In More of the 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said, Ross and Kathryn Petras continue their connoisseur's compendium of awkward utterances, slips of the tongue, doubletalk, and just plain stupid statements from politicians, celebrities, sports figures, social leaders and average joes.

Blackstone Audio presents An American Family Shakespeare Entertainment: Based on Charles & Mary Lamb's 20 Tales From Shakespeare, augmented by miscellaneous scenes and soliloquies from Shakespeare's plays, featuring Elizabethan songs and dances in new arrangements for stringed instruments.