When Your Partner Has an Addiction
How Compassion Can Transform Your Relationship (and Heal You Both in the Process)
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When Your Partner Has an Addiction
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Narrated by:
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Lee Goettl
About this listen
We've been told that staying with a partner who struggles with addiction—whether it be with drugs, alcohol, or addictive behaviors—means that we're enabling their destructive behavior. That wanting to help them means we're codependent, and that the best thing for both of us is to walk away from the relationship entirely. But is that true?
Together, addiction activist and bestselling author Christopher Kennedy Lawford and psychotherapist Beverly Engel, MFT, take a fresh look at addiction and codependency—the latest research on what causes them and what the two have in common. Rather than treat addiction or codependency as disease or weakness, When Your Partner Has an Addiction honors the trauma and shame that often lie at their source and shows you how to use your love to combat that shame, allowing you to more effectively support your partner and heal yourself.
The research proves that, while you cannot "fix" your partner, you can have a positive impact on their recovery. Whether you suffer from codependency, and whether your partner is already in recovery, When Your Partner Has an Addiction provides you with proven techniques and strategies to drastically improve your relationship and help get your partner the help he needs—without leaving and while taking care of yourself in the process.
©2016 Christopher Kennedy Lawford (P)2022 TantorListeners also enjoyed...
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- Length: 4 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 42
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 32
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 32
Growing up with a mom who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is difficult - but it’s still possible to have a functioning adult relationship with her. When Your Mother Has Borderline Personality Disorder provides you with crucial information for understanding the patterns behind her Borderline Personality Disorder, as well as the tools you need to start your own recovery process.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Great advice IF you decide to or must continue a relationship with someone with BPD
- By Sarah M. on 05-21-24
-
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
- A Guide to Knowing If Your Relationship Can - and Should - Be Saved
- By: Lundy Bancroft, JAC Patrissi
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
- Length: 13 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 275
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 234
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 233
In this supportive and straightforward guide, Lundy Bancroft, the author of Why Does He Do That?, and communication specialist JAC Patrissi offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward, with or without their partners.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Paradigm Shift
- By Sydnee Adams-Hancock on 04-08-16
By: Lundy Bancroft, and others
-
12 Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs Are Gone
- Choosing Emotional Sobriety Through Self-Awareness and Right Action
- By: Allen Berger PhD
- Narrated by: Matthew Boston
- Length: 5 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 32
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 25
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 25
Allen Berger, PhD, draws on the teachings of Bill W. and psychotherapy pioneers to offer 12 hallmarks of emotional sobriety that, when practiced, give people the confidence to be accountable for their behavior, ask for what they want and need, and grow and develop a deeper trust in the process of life. These smart things include: understanding who you are and what's important to you; learning not to take others' reactions personally; trusting your inner compass; and taking responsibility for your reactions to problematic situations.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Rich exploration and application of ES principles
- By rdkemper on 08-12-23
By: Allen Berger PhD
-
Rewire
- Change Your Brain to Break Bad Habits, Overcome Addictions, Conquer Self-Destructive Behavior
- By: Richard O'Connor Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Fred Stella
- Length: 10 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,558
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 1,309
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 1,304
We humans tend to get in our own way time and time again - whether it comes to not speaking up for ourselves, going back to bad romantic partners, our umpteenth diet, or engaging in any of a range of bad habits we just can’t seem to shake. In Rewire, renowned psychotherapist Richard O’Connor, PhD, reveals why our bad habits die so hard. We have two brains - one a thoughtful, conscious, deliberative self, and the other an automatic self that does most of the work without our attention.
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3 out of 5 stars
-
Meh
- By Grateful on 12-31-14
-
12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery
- Avoiding Relapse through Self-Awareness and Right Action
- By: Allen Berger PhD
- Narrated by: Matthew Boston
- Length: 3 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 28
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 26
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 26
To grow in recovery, we must grow up emotionally. This means getting honest with ourselves and facing up to the self-defeating thoughts and actions that put our sobriety at risk. Although there are as many ways to mess up recovery as there are alcoholics and addicts, some general themes exist, which include: confusing self-concern with selfishness; not making amends; using the program to try to become perfect; not getting help for relationship troubles; and believing that life should be easy. Allen Berger explores the 12 most commonly confronted beliefs and attitudes that can sabotage recovery.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Hilarious and True...the humor helps us to earnestly reflect inward. Very powerful. Thank you!
- By Tabitha Thornhill on 10-25-24
By: Allen Berger PhD
-
The Science of Stuck
- Breaking Through Inertia to Find Your Path Forward
- By: Britt Frank LSCSW
- Narrated by: Sasha Heinz, Britt Frank LSCSW
- Length: 7 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 332
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 282
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 280
We all experience stuckness in our lives. We feel stuck in our relationships, career paths, body struggles, addiction issues, and more. Many of us know what we need to do to move forward—but find ourselves unable to take the leap to make it happen. And then we blame and shame ourselves, and stay in a loop of self-doubt that goes nowhere. The good news is you’re not lazy, crazy, or unmotivated. In this empowering and action-oriented guide, you’ll discover why we can’t think our way forward—and how to break through what’s holding us back.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Mental health is a physical process
- By Meagen G. on 04-18-22
-
Conquering Shame and Codependency
- 8 Steps to Freeing the True You
- By: Darlene Lancer
- Narrated by: Carlotta Brentan
- Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 42
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 34
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 34
In Conquering Shame and Codependency, Darlene Lancer sheds new light on shame: how codependents' feelings and beliefs about shame affect their identity, their behavior, and how shame can corrode relationships, destroying trust and love. She then provides eight steps to heal from shame, learn to love yourself, and develop healthy relationships.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Life Changing
- By Michele Leigh Brown on 05-16-21
By: Darlene Lancer
-
Addict in the House
- A No-Nonsense Family Guide Through Addiction and Recovery
- By: Robin Barnett EdD LCSW, Darren Kavinoky - foreword
- Narrated by: Denice Stradling
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 62
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 57
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 56
If you’re the family member of an addict, you may feel confused, guilty, and scared of doing the wrong thing. And when you don’t know how to help, you may find yourself in a codependent role. Addict in the House offers a pragmatic, step-by-step guide to dealing with a loved one’s addiction, from accepting the reality of the disease to surviving what may be repeated cycles of recovery and relapse. You’ll learn how to encourage your addicted loved one to get help without forcing it and finally find the strength to let go of codependence.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
was okay.
- By Michelle on 05-02-19
By: Robin Barnett EdD LCSW, and others
-
Codependent No More
- How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
- By: Melody Beattie
- Narrated by: Melody Beattie
- Length: 8 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,052
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 916
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 913
Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one’s self-destructive behavior, you may be codependent—and you may find yourself in this book. With personal reflections, exercises, and instructive stories drawn from Beattie’s own life and the lives of those she’s counseled, Codependent No More helps you break old patterns and maintain healthy boundaries, and offers a clear and achievable path to healing, hope, freedom, and happiness.
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2 out of 5 stars
-
great book with unbearable reader
- By Nielah on 09-01-22
By: Melody Beattie
-
Taming Your Outer Child
- Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Healing from Abandonment
- By: Susan Anderson
- Narrated by: Randye Kaye
- Length: 9 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 106
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 88
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 89
Chances are, you've already had run-ins with your Outer Child - the self-sabotaging, bungling, and impulsive part of your personality. This misguided, hidden nemesis blows your diet, overspends, and ruins your love life. Your Outer Child acts out and fulfills your legitimate childlike needs and wants in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and in counterproductive ways: It goes for immediate gratification and the quick fix in spite of your best-laid plans.
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1 out of 5 stars
-
Her voice made me cringe.
- By zoe on 02-15-21
By: Susan Anderson
-
Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents
- Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries and Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy
- By: Lindsay C. Gibson PsyD
- Narrated by: Suzie Althens
- Length: 7 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 565
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 474
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 470
In this important sequel to Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, author Lindsay Gibson offers powerful tools to help you step back and protect yourself at the first sign of an emotional takeover, make sure your emotions and needs are respected, and break free from the coercive control of emotionally immature parents.
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1 out of 5 stars
-
Asinine
- By Amazon Customer on 07-14-20
-
Power
- Surviving & Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse
- By: Shahida Arabi
- Narrated by: Julie McKay
- Length: 9 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 405
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 345
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 348
Pathological mind games. Covert and overt put-downs. Triangulation. Gaslighting. Projection. These are the manipulative tactics survivors of malignant narcissists are unfortunately all too familiar with. As victims of silent crimes where the perpetrators are rarely held accountable, survivors of narcissistic abuse have lived in a war zone of epic proportions, enduring an abuse cycle of love-bombing and devaluation - psychological violence on steroids.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
A “Powerful” book
- By Avid reader on 10-16-17
By: Shahida Arabi
-
The Journey of the Heroic Parent
- Your Child's Struggle & The Road Home
- By: Brad M. Reedy Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Tom Parks
- Length: 8 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 201
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 169
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 169
When a child is hurting, it can be the most painful challenge a parent will face. With compassion and perspective, Dr. Brad Reedy offers hope and wisdom for children who struggle and the parents who love them. The Journey of the Heroic Parent will take you on a journey to a happier, healthier relationship with your struggling child - and yourself. Through lessons learned, mother, father, and child will achieve greater understanding, love, and humanity - no matter what the outcome.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Loved it! Will read over again and again!
- By wooplicity on 06-21-15
-
The Addictive Personality
- Understanding the Addictive Process and Compulsive Behavior, Second Edition
- By: Craig Nakken
- Narrated by: Fred Sanders
- Length: 4 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 211
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 171
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 168
For over two decades, The Addictive Personality has helped people understand the process of addiction. Now, through this second edition, author Craig Nakken brings new depth and dimension to our understanding of how an individual becomes an addict. Going beyond the definition that limits dependency to the realm of alcohol and other drugs, Nakken uncovers the common denominator of all addiction and describes how the process is progressive.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Excellent book!
- By Amazon Customer on 10-24-19
By: Craig Nakken
-
Dealing with Toxic People
- A Survival Guide to Deal and Heal from Toxic People, and Empower Yourself to Achieve Big in Life
- By: Chris Genson
- Narrated by: Maria McCann
- Length: 3 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 27
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 27
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 27
Dealing with Toxic People is a solution-oriented book that throws light on one of the most important issues in today's world. Listeners will be able to learn every possible technique to help get rid of toxic people in the best possible manner.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
AMAZING, Great Book!
- By Elise Whitehouse on 04-18-23
By: Chris Genson
-
The Smart Girl's Guide to Self-Care
- A Savvy Guide to Help Young Women Flourish, Thrive and Conquer
- By: Shahida Arabi
- Narrated by: Julie McKay
- Length: 5 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 78
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 66
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 68
Are you in an abusive or unhappy relationship? Do you try too hard to please your friends at the expense of your own needs and wants? Are you subservient to others and do you find yourself unable to become independent? Do you suffer from negative self-talk? These are all signs that your self-care regimen is deficient in some way. The Smart Girl's Guide to Self-Care tackles the common problems of effective self-care with practical suggestions for practices that will create a sustainable, lifelong self-care routine.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Very helpful
- By Joan Sarratt on 03-08-18
By: Shahida Arabi
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- The Top 10 Survival Tips for Loving Someone with an Addiction
- By: Candace Plattor
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Are you feeling exasperated and helpless about your family member's addiction? Are you at your wit's end, having tried everything you can think of to make them stop? Whether the addict in your life is your spouse, partner, parent, child, friend, or colleague, the key to changing this reality for yourself lies in shifting your focus from your loved one's addiction to your own self-care. This book presents a dramatically fresh approach to help you get off the roller-coaster chaos of addiction, maintain your own sanity and serenity, and live your best life.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Similar to something found in a women's magazine
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Loving Someone in Recovery
- The Answers You Need When Your Partner Is Recovering from Addiction
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 20
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Therapist Beverly Berg offers powerful tools for the partners of recovering addicts. Based in mindfulness, attachment theory, and neurobiology, this book will help listeners sustain emotional stability in their relationships, increase effective communication, establish boundaries, and take real steps toward reigniting intimacy. With more than 25 years in the field, she has developed a unique set of exercises that address the issues faced by couples in recovery.
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1 out of 5 stars
-
Horrible Narration
- By Craig W. on 01-15-22
By: Beverly Berg MFT PhD, and others
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Addict in the House
- A No-Nonsense Family Guide Through Addiction and Recovery
- By: Robin Barnett EdD LCSW, Darren Kavinoky - foreword
- Narrated by: Denice Stradling
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 62
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 57
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 56
If you’re the family member of an addict, you may feel confused, guilty, and scared of doing the wrong thing. And when you don’t know how to help, you may find yourself in a codependent role. Addict in the House offers a pragmatic, step-by-step guide to dealing with a loved one’s addiction, from accepting the reality of the disease to surviving what may be repeated cycles of recovery and relapse. You’ll learn how to encourage your addicted loved one to get help without forcing it and finally find the strength to let go of codependence.
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3 out of 5 stars
-
was okay.
- By Michelle on 05-02-19
By: Robin Barnett EdD LCSW, and others
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Unhooked: How to Help an Addicted Loved One Recover
- By: Jason Coombs
- Narrated by: Jason Coombs
- Length: 9 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 146
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 138
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Story5 out of 5 stars 137
When Jason Coombs' mother discovered her son was addicted to drugs and alcohol, she searched everywhere for resources and guidance that would grant her a spark of hope. She researched websites on the topic only to find a mixed bag of mediocre suggestions and an array of conflicting opinions. She was desperate for tools that could drive measurable results. Unhooked is the book, written by her recovered son, now leading his own treatment center, she wishes would have been available back then.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
If you have an addicted love one BUY THIS BOOK!!!!
- By Anonymous User on 03-27-21
By: Jason Coombs
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Beyond Addiction
- How Science and Kindness Help People Change
- By: Jeffrey Foote PhD, Carrie Wilkens PhD, Nicole Kosanke PhD, and others
- Narrated by: Randye Kaye
- Length: 12 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 212
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 181
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 173
Drawing on forty collective years of research and decades of clinical experience, the authors present the best practical advice science has to offer. Delivered with warmth, optimism, and humor, Beyond Addiction defines a new, empowered role for friends and family and a paradigm shift for the field.
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4 out of 5 stars
-
No PDF with supplemental
- By Zena on 01-23-18
By: Jeffrey Foote PhD, and others
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You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent
- What Everyone Affected by Addiction, Abuse, Trauma or Toxic Shaming Must Know to Have Peace in Their Lives
- By: Jeanette Elisabeth Menter
- Narrated by: Pam Ward
- Length: 5 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 371
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 323
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 319
If your life has been affected by addiction (yours or someone else's), abuse, trauma or toxic shaming, you may also be struggling with another invisible problem - codependency. Without your even being aware of the connection to the above issues, it has created additional life-long challenges such as endless guilt, anxiety, perfectionism, need to control, depression, a history of dysfunctional relationships and much more. This easy-to-understand, interactive book will reveal how codependency has sobotaged you, the lies it created in your beliefs and the truths that expose them.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Don’t buy if you aren’t religious
- By Karla Sookie on 09-27-19
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Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself
- The Top 10 Survival Tips for Loving Someone with an Addiction
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Are you feeling exasperated and helpless about your family member's addiction? Are you at your wit's end, having tried everything you can think of to make them stop? Whether the addict in your life is your spouse, partner, parent, child, friend, or colleague, the key to changing this reality for yourself lies in shifting your focus from your loved one's addiction to your own self-care. This book presents a dramatically fresh approach to help you get off the roller-coaster chaos of addiction, maintain your own sanity and serenity, and live your best life.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Similar to something found in a women's magazine
- By Susette on 12-08-20
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Therapist Beverly Berg offers powerful tools for the partners of recovering addicts. Based in mindfulness, attachment theory, and neurobiology, this book will help listeners sustain emotional stability in their relationships, increase effective communication, establish boundaries, and take real steps toward reigniting intimacy. With more than 25 years in the field, she has developed a unique set of exercises that address the issues faced by couples in recovery.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Horrible Narration
- By Craig W. on 01-15-22
By: Beverly Berg MFT PhD, and others
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Addict in the House
- A No-Nonsense Family Guide Through Addiction and Recovery
- By: Robin Barnett EdD LCSW, Darren Kavinoky - foreword
- Narrated by: Denice Stradling
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 62
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 57
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 56
If you’re the family member of an addict, you may feel confused, guilty, and scared of doing the wrong thing. And when you don’t know how to help, you may find yourself in a codependent role. Addict in the House offers a pragmatic, step-by-step guide to dealing with a loved one’s addiction, from accepting the reality of the disease to surviving what may be repeated cycles of recovery and relapse. You’ll learn how to encourage your addicted loved one to get help without forcing it and finally find the strength to let go of codependence.
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3 out of 5 stars
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was okay.
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If you have an addicted love one BUY THIS BOOK!!!!
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4 out of 5 stars
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No PDF with supplemental
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1 out of 5 stars
-
Don’t buy if you aren’t religious
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How Al-Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics
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- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 364
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 316
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 312
Al-Anon's basic book discusses the mutual-help program of recovery, including personal stories. A beginning approach to the Twelve Concepts of Service is included.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Worth it, even though it needs pro recording!
- By SweetDreamsCRTT on 06-26-15
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Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away
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-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,225
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,220
When you said, “I do”, you entered marriage with high hopes, dreaming it would be supremely happy. You never intended for it to be miserable. Millions of couples are struggling in desperate marriages. But the story doesn’t have to end there. Dr. Gary Chapman writes, “I believe that in every troubled marriage, one or both partners can take positive steps that have the potential for changing the emotional climate in their marriage.”
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5 out of 5 stars
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encouragement through another chance
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Porn Addict’s Wife
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 54
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 48
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 48
Life and relationship coach Sandy Brown's own experience in surviving the betrayal of her husband's porn addiction has inspired her to focus her practice on helping other women to do the same. Through her own recovery and her experience with clients, Sandy has developed a process of recovery to empower women at a time when they feel all is lost. Porn Addict's Wife shows listeners that they are not alone in feeling shattered by their husband's sexual addiction and teaches them how and with whom they can safely share their story.
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4 out of 5 stars
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See Things From the Other Side
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Marriage On The Rocks
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 58
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 48
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 49
Dr. Woititz, in her first, breakthrough book addresses the spouses of alcoholics who feel overwhelmed and desperate in their marriages. Her focus is to show that the boundaries of isolationism and depression that living with an alcoholic brings does not necessarily mean one cannot eventually find piece of mind - whether or not the alcoholic continues drinking. Marriage on the Rocks can show you the coping skills you deserve to have when alcoholism impacts your life.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Wow
- By Tonya on 02-27-17
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Get Your Loved One Sober
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 5
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Performance3.5 out of 5 stars 5
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 5
Historically there have been few options available for individuals seeking help for treatment-resistant loved ones suffering from substance abuse. Co-author Dr. Robert Meyers spent ten years developing a treatment program that helps concerned significant others both improve the quality of their lives and learn how to make treatment an attractive option for their partners who are substance abusers. Get Your Loved One Sober describes this multi-faceted program that uses supportive, non-confrontational methods to engage substance abusers into treatment.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Poor advice
- By Ann M. Thane on 06-06-23
By: Robert J. Meyers, and others
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Should I Stay or Should I Go?
- A Guide to Knowing If Your Relationship Can - and Should - Be Saved
- By: Lundy Bancroft, JAC Patrissi
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
- Length: 13 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 275
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 234
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 233
In this supportive and straightforward guide, Lundy Bancroft, the author of Why Does He Do That?, and communication specialist JAC Patrissi offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward, with or without their partners.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Paradigm Shift
- By Sydnee Adams-Hancock on 04-08-16
By: Lundy Bancroft, and others
What listeners say about When Your Partner Has an Addiction
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Brooke
- 08-27-24
Very helpful
With a husband struggling with addiction this has helped me understand ways I can try helping him and myself better
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