To Have and to Hold

Motherhood, Marriage, and the Modern Dilemma

By: Molly Millwood

Narrated by: Molly Millwood

A clinical psychologist’s exploration of the modern dilemmas women face in the wake of new motherhood.

When Molly Millwood became a mother, she was fully prepared for what she would gain: an adorable baby boy; hard-won mothering skills; and a messy, chaotic, beautiful life. But what she did not expect was what she would lose: aspects of her identity, a baseline level of happiness, a general sense of well-being. And though she had the benefit of a supportive husband during this transition, she also at times resented the fact that the disruption to his life seemed to pale in comparison to hers.

As a clinical psychologist, Molly knew her experience was a normal response to a life-changing event. But without the advantage of such a perspective, many of the patients she treated in her private practice grappled with self-doubt, guilt, and fear and suffered the dual pain of not only the struggle to adjust, but also the overwhelming shame for struggling at all.

In To Have and to Hold, Molly explores the complex terrain of new motherhood, illuminating the ways it affects women psychologically, emotionally, physically, and professionally - as well as how it impacts their partnership. Along with the arrival of a bundle of joy come thorny issues such as self-worth, control, autonomy, and dependency. And for most new mothers, these issues are experienced within the context of an intimate relationship, adding another layer of tension, conflict, and confusion to an already challenging time.

As Molly examines the inextricable link between women’s well-being as new mothers and the well-being of their relationships, she offers guidance to help listeners reclaim their identities, overcome their guilt and shame, and repair their relationships. A blend of personal narrative, scientific research, and stories from Molly’s clinical practice, To Have and to Hold provides a much-needed lifeline to new mothers everywhere.

©2019 Molly Millwood (P)2019 HarperCollins Publishers

A must listen for new mothers

Oh my goodness just so much truth in 1 book! This book will help validate so many conflicting feelings we all have as wives and mothers. I couldn’t stop sharing on social media, definitely a must listen or must read!

Changed my life

I know “changed my life” seems dramatic, but it’s honestly what this book did for me. It was the most validating piece of work I’ve ever encountered, and I will forever be grateful for this book. I genuinely believe all new moms should read this 💛

Highly Recommend for New Moms

I started out reading this and then found I was more available to listen than to read. The first half of the book was especially helpful for me and there were many moments of "yes!" where feelings I had not been able to put into words were there in the book explained so well. I would recommend this to anyone planning to become pregnant or anyone who is a new parent.

Every mom should read this.

This book shines light on all of the dark scary and lonely places of motherhood. She discusses all the feelings and thoughts that are culturally unacceptable for a mother to express. The vulnerability exposed in this book helped me feel not alone and validate all of the feelings of motherhood.

Just what I needed ❤️🙏🏻

It was nice to find out that other people have experienced similar feelings to the ones I had and couldn’t even find the right word to express. It is helping me, my marriage, my family! Thank you!

The book I wish I had…

I read during my postpartum period with my second and it made me feel so validated. I wish I had this book after my first when my world was so rocked by the changes.

speaking to my SOUL

Every single word of this book I have found to be relatable at a time when I'm needing it most.

For every mother

I recommend this to every mother I know.
I wish I knew about it when my baby was a newborn.

Required reading for new moms

This book is the most validating on the postpartum changes (I’d have given anything to have it after my first baby), and helpful guide to the challenge babies pose for couples, citing examples and explaining attachment theory. Whether it is your first or your fifth baby, both parents should take time to read and discuss this book together.

Required reading for mothers!

This is the first time I’ve ever written a review here but feel compelled to do so after finishing this book. Dr. Millwood so beautifully puts into words my feelings and experiences as a mother of two, including an 8 week old infant. She manages to make me feel heard and understood through her words. Simply knowing that I am not alone in my experiences of motherhood is so therapeutic. I am recommending this book to all my friends and loved ones who are mamas or mamas-to-be. The audiobook version was excellent.