The Trauma of Everyday Life

By: Mark Epstein MD

Narrated by: Walter Dixon

Trauma does not just happen to a few unlucky people; it is the bedrock of our psychology. Death and illness touch us all, but even the everyday sufferings of loneliness and fear are traumatic. In The Trauma of Everyday Life renowned psychiatrist and author of Thoughts Without a Thinker, Mark Epstein uncovers the transformational potential of trauma, revealing how it can be used for the mind's own development. Western psychology teaches that if we understand the cause of trauma, we might move past it while many drawn to Eastern practices see meditation as a means of rising above, or distancing themselves from, their most difficult emotions. Both, Epstein argues, fail to recognize that trauma is an indivisible part of life and can be used as a lever for growth and an ever-deeper understanding of change. When we regard trauma with this perspective, understanding that suffering is universal and without logic, our pain connects us to the world on a more fundamental level. The way out of pain is through it.

Epstein’s discovery begins in his analysis of the life of Buddha, looking to how the death of his mother informed his path and teachings. The Buddha’s spiritual journey can be read as an expression of primitive agony grounded in childhood trauma. Yet the Buddha’s story is only one of many in The Trauma of Everyday Life. Here, Epstein looks to his own experience, that of his patients, and of the many fellow sojourners and teachers he encounters as a psychiatrist and Buddhist. They are alike only in that they share in trauma, large and small, as all of us do. Epstein finds throughout that trauma, if it doesn’t destroy us, wakes us up to both our minds’ own capacity and to the suffering of others. It makes us more human, caring, and wise. It can be our greatest teacher, our freedom itself, and it is available to all of us.

©2013 Mark Epstein, M.D. (P)2013 Gildan Media LLC

Original and beautifully woven

Epstein's interpretation of the life of the Buddha through a psychotherapeutic lens offers new insights into how both Buddhist and psychotherapeutic can heal everyday trauma. The author's personal illustrations make this book a gem.

Flawed Recording

I always listen to books at a normal speed but this book sounded way too speedy. I listened at a lower speed, 70%? Not sure, but it made the book listenable, if sometimes too slow-ow-ow.

Changed My Life

The only way out is through

You feel Epstein's language in your body. His writing and reasoning resonates on a level deeper than intellect

This is what i call a GREAT book

If you must read one book on pain, suffering ..etc then let it be this one ...
But let me first clarify that this is a Buddhist book filled with the teachings of the Buddha ...it is also filled with information about the life of the Buddha, but that usually comes with a purpose ...
I cannot praise this book enough ... as it helped me finally OPEN my eyes to reality instead of dreaming away with all the self-help junk i have read throughout the years ..
An insightful ... sobering ... well written book
note: i didn't like the narration at all ...

Astounding

Another wonderful read by Dr. Epstein. Engaging, thought provoking and insightful. Can’t wait to read more.

It's Predominantly Buddhist Philosophy/Psychology

Would you try another book from Mark Epstein M.D. and/or Walter Dixon?

no

How would you have changed the story to make it more enjoyable?

to include more religious perspectives

Did the narration match the pace of the story?

yes

Did The Trauma of Everyday Life inspire you to do anything?

no, not at all

Any additional comments?

While the philosophy is interesting and is applicable for therapists to use in their work, it wasn't for me seeking inspiration.

The golden wind as holding environment

What did you love best about The Trauma of Everyday Life?

Through exploration of stories of the Buddha, Epstein allows us to recognize, acknowledge, and accept the inherently traumatic nature of our everyday experience. With these stories of the Buddha's journey to enlightenment, he weaves in philosophy (e.g., Husserl), psychoanalysis (e.g., Winnicott), developmental psychology and brain science. The result is a lucid explication of the inherently intersubjective nature of existence and the value of implicit relational knowing. The latter has perhaps been referred in the Buddhist cannon as the golden wind. The golden wind seems to be emblematic of the necessity of bringing of attention, acknowledgment, and acceptance of our experience, across the positive and the negative, the painful, the pleasureful, the neutral, in order to discover self as well as other. The golden wind may be in psychoanalysis the essence of the healing relationship between therapist and client; in developmental psychology the good enough mother-child relationship, and in meditation the open awareness evoked in mindfulness meditation. As I read this book, I could not help but be drawn to see his argument as an excellent portrayal of recent calls to honor our "right brain" way of "being" and to quiet the "left brain" way of "doing, grasping and manipulating" as described by the neuroscientist Iain McGilchrist ("The Master and his Emissary"-another must read). Thank you Mark Epstein for this lovely book.

Who was your favorite character and why?

the Buddha

What three words best describe Walter Dixon’s voice?

bit too fast

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

yes

Any additional comments?

The speed made following the audio version somewhat challenging, just little too fast to process while listening. Interspersing reading with listening worked better.

The best

Absolutely eye opening. At 80 and teaching yoga,Taekwondo Taichi and steeped in Buddhist dharma for over 50 yrs I have never felt better in my body mind spirit than I do now because I have brought the child in me to the present moment. Both the wounded child and the wonder child. Then I heard this book and it knocked my socks off.So deep so revealing. Opening me up.Once as hard as nails now I can cry on a dime and it feels wonderful and this book told me why Right book right timing.- David Roya

Buddhist teachings for everyone and everyday.

I've had this book on my list to read ever since hearing it praised in 10 % Happier. I've recently been going through quite a personal ordeal, so it seemed a good time to step back into thinking about Buddhism in hopes it could give me insight into my own situation. I figured if it helped Dan Harris so much, it certainly couldn't hurt me.

The Trauma of Everyday Life is a wonderful step into the notion that combines psychiatry and Buddhism. Mark Epstein is a psychiatrist known for using Buddhist practices in treating his patients, and this book served as a good overview of how the two intertwine. Epstein gives examples of different "traumas" some of his patients experienced, and then references one of the Buddha's teachings that applied to that circumstance. There is quite a bit of retelling of stories from the Buddha's life and what they taught the people of his time, but Epstein always ties it back into our modern lives. The biggest focus is the concept of, "The only way out is through." It is only by allowing ourselves to experience our emotions, no matter how unpleasant, that we can overcome them.

This book is full of really wonderful quotes, several of which I wrote down to help me remember. I thought they would be worth sharing, so here goes:
"Enlightenment does not mean getting rid of anything. It means changing one's frame of reference so that all things become enlightening."
"When we stop distancing ourselves from the pain in the world, our own or others, we create the possibility of a new experience, one that often surprises because of how much joy, connection, or relief it yields. Destruction may continue, but humanity shines through."
"Awakening does not mean a change in difficulty, it means a change in how those difficulties are met."
I highly enjoyed this book. The more I delve into Buddhism, the more respect I have for the concepts it teaches. I am a much more confident person having learned just what I have in the past 6 months, and this book certainly helped me on that path. I would caution that this probably wouldn't be the best book for a complete newcomer to Buddhism - maybe read one of the other books I've read this year first - but this will absolutely help to show how practical a Buddhist frame of mind can be when it comes to our emotional lives. I give this book 4 out of 5 stars.

The orator gets better halfway through the 1st chapter.

Don’t listen to the other reviews. The orator is awkward at first but gets less robotic as it goes. It’s a must read.