The State of Affairs

Rethinking Infidelity

By: Esther Perel

Narrated by: Esther Perel

Length: 11 hrs and 57 mins

Publisher's summary

Iconic couples' therapist and best-selling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a groundbreaking and provocative look at infidelity, arguing for a more nuanced and less judgmental conversation about our transgressions.

An affair: It can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so, too, the prohibition against it - in fact it has a tenacity that marriage can only envy.

So what are we to make of this time-honored taboo, universally forbidden yet universally practiced? For the past 10 years, master therapist Esther Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have been shattered by infidelity. In The State of Affairs she asks, why do we cheat? And why do happy people cheat? Why does infidelity hurt so much? And when we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Is an affair always the end of a marriage?

Affairs, she writes, have a lot to teach us about relationships. They provide unusual insight into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Betrayal hurts, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage - with the same person. With the right approach, Perel argues, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.

Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel writes, "Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart."

After listening to Esther read The State of Affairs, continue on as she opens the door to her office and invites you to listen in on actual couple sessions. These are unscripted conversations of real, anonymous couples grappling with infidelity from her Audible Original podcast Where Should We Begin Begin? (courtesy of Audible Originals, LLC). As you enter this raw, intimate space with Esther, we hope you find the vocabulary for the conversations you may wish to have.

©2017 Esther Perel (P)2017 HarperCollins Publishers

A compelling and novel look at infidelity

The State of Affairs is an insightful, layered, thought-provoking, thorough and original piece of work, and Esther Perel is pleasure to listen to. The author provides a compelling and novel exploration in an area that rarely gets an unbiased look. It takes courage to offer new perspectives on topics as contentious as infidelity, and where deeply entrenched absolutes exist. Perel's erudite, empathetic, steadying voice manages to pierce the veil of the collective unconscious and invite deeper consideration and intelligent discourse. This book, agree with the conclusions or not, will permanently broaden the landscape and our thinking around infidelity in a way that only Esther Perel can.

Refreshing look at an old problem

I think that this book is an honest examination of problems typical in any marriage/ long term relationship. Various scenarios and types of betrayal of ones partner are examined fo help one understand the factors that contribute to the betrayal. It offers hope that the problems can be identified and understood,bringing some comfort to both parties in the relationship.

Absolutely fantastic

If you have anything resembling traditional views on monogamy and marriage (and most of us do, to various extents) Be prepared to have the foundations of your beliefs dismantled. This should be required reading for all adults, and certainly for parents.

Extremely Interesting

As a person struggling with this issue I found this book extremely Interesting. it was enlightening to hear and think about infidelity beyond the incident. nothing is ever black and white and infidelity is definately a merky grey area.

Loved it...

Esther Perel dives deep into the moral ambiguities of adultery. It was fascinating to listen to.

Expanding the Love Dimensions

This book is far and above an exploration of infidelity. Perel frankly explores the way we define love and relationship and the ways we connect in the complex network of human psyche, sexuality, family, and committed love. Beautiful! Challenging! Thank you for this work of art!

Epiphanies galore!

Life changing. So much insight.

One of the best books I have ever read, and I read a lot.

Incredibly insightful and thought provoking

I am somebody who is pretty black-and-white about the subject of infidelity, however this book seriously challenged me. I was compelled to listen to it as often as possible, and was totally intrigued by the stories of the couples who were grappling with the issue of infidelity in their own relationships. Not only has it broadened my thinking about what a marriage could and should be, it has also helped me understand the nature of infidelity from a variety of perspectives. It has allowed me to activate my empathy on a much more granular level than ever before. If you are someone who has been betrayed in a relationship or who has questions about monogamy, this is an absolute must read!

Incredible

Changed my world in how I thought about infidelity and partnership. Amazing insight and powerful reflections.

Relatable yet refreshing

I’ve listened and read countless books on this topic. This book stands out with more insightful ways of seeing it from all angles. Also has interesting stats, real stories, and a variety of approaches for mending.