The Anatomy of Peace, Third Edition

Resolving the Heart of Conflict

By: The Arbinger Institute

Narrated by: Kaleo Griffith

Length: 6 hrs and 33 mins

Publisher's summary

This phenomenal best seller - over 525,000 copies sold - is now expanded in a new third edition and explores how we often misunderstand the causes of our conflicts and shows us the paths to achieving true peace within ourselves and our relationships. 

In this day and age, perhaps there is nothing more important than knowing how to heal relationships that are breaking and how to maintain connections when people are pulling apart. So many of our conflicts seem unsolvable, but what if conflicts at home, at work, and in the world stem from the same root cause? What if we systematically misunderstand that cause? And what if, as a result, we unwittingly perpetuate the very problems we think we are trying to solve?

This book unfolds as a story. Yusuf al-Falah, an Arab, and Avi Rozen, a Jew, each lost his father at the hands of each other’s cousins. The Anatomy of Peace is the story of how they come together, how they help their warring parents and children come together, and how we too can find our way out of the personal, professional, and global conflicts that weigh us down.

This expanded third edition includes discussions that further explain some of the book’s approaches, current research about key ideas, and how the transformation approach in the book relates to Arbinger’s comprehensive organizational mindset-change process.

©2006, 2020 by Arbinger Properties, LLC (P)2020 by Berrett-Koehler Publishers

Excellent book

Very valuable for personal and professional awareness with relationships, how to engage in more productive connections with people, and to feel more at peace due to having tools to navigate life. I will be listening to it again.

FORMULA FOR PEACE

The Arbinger Institute was founded in 1979 by Dr. C. Terry Warner.  He co-authored “Leadership and Self Deception”.  In 1967 he received his Ph.D. from Yale University and is a professor at Brigham Young University. The Arbinger Institute offers leadership training and consulting to organizations, families, and individuals around the world. 

In “The Anatomy of Peace” a story is told about an Israeli and Palestinian who run a  youth camp for troubled children.  One presumes this is a story, not an actual event, that is designed to advise reader/listeners of the "...Institutes" beliefs. “The Arbinger Institutes” objective is to identify the causes of human conflict and how it can be resolved.

The troubled children’s camp is run by an Israeli and a Palestinian who are at peace with each other despite the conflict in their home country.  Both have lost their fathers because of war.  In their younger adult lives, both harbored hate for their enemies, the killers of their fathers and countrymen.  Their respective stories are about how each overcomes their hate.  It is same as the story of the runaway.  They recognize each other as human beings.  They refer to Martin Buber who wrote the book “I and Thou” which recognizes the importance of reverencing the humanness of all human life.

 What the authors argue is that humans create boxes that carry the weight of who they are--which is not who they really are or mean to be.  In knowing oneself and the boxes we create for ourselves, we act in ways that defy the truth of all people’s humanness.  This idea is old.  It is the same idea that ancient Greeks spoke of when saying “know thyself”.  The Institute teaches that in self-understanding (knowing what boxes one is in) and realization of all people's humanness, one can find peace. The idea is to stay out of boxes that define you. This seems too simple. However, it is not simple or easy because of our inability to break out of boxes that have been formed over years of experience.   The first step is to not objectify other human beings.  Human labeling puts one in a  box.  The box creates someone who is an object, not a fellow human being.  The second is to know yourself and understand your boxes.  The last step is to get rid of the boxes.  Have empathy and do the things that make you feel good about your humanness.

They argue you are in a box if you do not feel good about what you do.  Self-awareness sets one free to find peace.  There is a great deal to offer leaders and managers of other people in the teachings of the Arbinger Institute. A skeptic may find the Arbinger Institute's formula for peace Pollyannaish. It will only change those who choose love and self-understanding in the face of human nature's desire for money, power, and prestige.

Worth the Read & Time

This book is really good. To me it feels like Stephen R Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” and a psychiatrist specializing in interpersonal relationships got together and had a baby with a little sprinkling from one of those “ranches for troubled youth” philosophies.

I think I can wrap up this review in a nice little bundle by saying it this way: As humans, we tend to be "at peace" or "at war" within our hearts. Whenever we are "at war", it is always due to something: offense, jealousy, not forgiving/holding grudge, avarice, ambition, lies, false paradigms, you name it. When we are "at peace" it is because in our hearts we think of others before we thin of ourselves, we do not wrongly judge others, we are fair and truthful and walk with a tempered heart and mind, we are good and decent, and we are able to forgive, not hold grudges, and think of others as humans, rather than objects. Essentially, this books teaches one how to live the ten commandments! (that's my interpretation, not one from The Arbinger Institute - they don't even touch on faith or religion in this book - but essentially that is what this is.)

Whereas Covey's book approaches the subject in a physical, behavioral manner, this book approaches it a bit more form a mental/emotional manner, yet both books will touch on both behavioral and mental/emotional. (was that clear as mud? lol!)

I really like and appreciate how both books caused me to stop and ponder and be introspective: what lack I yet? How can I become a better person? How can I be more honest with myself, and therefore with others? etc.

The first time I read this book it was along with our youngest daughter who read it as part of an assignment during her high school homeschool years with the Statesmanship Club of North Texas. I didn't appreciate it as much as I did this time, because this time we have lived the past 13 yrs with some conflict between our family and our oldest child, who has chosen a not-so-good path in life and has left our family, our faith, everything. In an ironic manner, this proves the point of the entire book: our hearts can be at peace when we see others (not matter how "bad" or "wrong" we might think they are, as humans and worthy of trying to understand them, and giving them the space they need to travel this life path in the manner they choose, regardless whether it's the same path we choose or not. It reminds me of a saying that goes something like: There is no one you can't love once you've heard their story. And this book essentially tells the reader: "Stop, calm down, take a breath, and take time to listen to this person's story with whom you are in conflict, allow it to soften your heart, and do not seek conflict but resolution in some manner." But oh the book says it so so so much better! And it does so in a story format - which I love, because we tend to remember stories more and better than we do plain facts.

This book, I can see, is great for teens - as they get wrapped up in all their emotional/hormonal years! This book can be a great guide to them for how to mentally and emotionally handle that - and essentially it will help them learn what we all need to learn: No one can offend us without permission and if we want to change the world, we need to start by changing ourselves. That's the main point.

Highly recommend for ages 14+.

Helpful for my mindset toward my children

This book was an easy listen with meaningful ideas to ponder and apply to my own life. I listened to it by recommendation concerning my relationship with my preschool age children. It has been helpful to try and have a heart at peace toward them rather than constantly fighting. I would recommend this book to anyone.

W-O-W

Must read for every person, spouse, boss, employee across the world!

It’s a great example of how to shift from an inward (self absorbed) to an outward mindset!!

The narrator does a great job of describing each individual and becomes easily relatable.

Life changing!!!

Definitely a must read for every human being. The boxes that we find ourselves in could be explained and most importantly,changed to be happier and ultimately find peace in ourselves and with the world around us.

I need to read this each year!

This mindset shifting book has allowed me to see people and myself more clearly. Time to refocus again!!

Phenomenal- life-changing!

This book and the others by the Arbinger Institute are some of the best books I’ve ever read outside of religious books. Somehow very humbling, liberating, and motivating at the same time.

Amazing!

I love this book. It helps me see things differently in life.I hope you reach more people!

Very insightful.

I really enjoyed the concepts taught in this book. l learned a lot listening to it.