Mastering the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense

By: Suzette Haden Elgin

Narrated by: Suzette Haden Elgin

Is verbal abuse ruining your business, your personal life, or even your physical and emotional health? With a little help from Suzette Haden Elgin, you won't have to put up with it anymore. She'll show you how to create an environment in which verbal abuse almost never happens, and how to take complete control of your language behavior. Once you've mastered the techniques, you'll be able to defuse a verbal attack before it can even be completed, and deal effectively with the rare attack that cannot be avoided. You'll never be at a loss for words again.©1995 by Dove Audio, Inc. (P)1995 by Dove Audio, Inc.

Info-rich, Audio 2nd rate (otherwise 5)

I enjoyed hearing the author on her own work, speech examples, and orderliness of presentation. The author talks about speech styles, matching messages to minimize cognitive dissonance, and Satir modes (blamer, computer, distorter(?), and leveler. (This could be improved upon by adding an insidious category -but it's a relatively short work.) It may be a little useful in confrontational situations with people of average intelligence or slightly higher but I doubt it would help much with the really intelligent and the genius. Still, there is much to redeem this work from it's tape deck origins and I doubt a close apprehension of this material couldn't improve upon most people's competence communicating in general, everyday situations.

Terrible audio quality

The copyright says 1995, but the audio quality made me feel like I was in 1982. While this book had some good points, it really wasn't what I expected and I don't feel overly prepared to defend myself verbally. Also, I felt the examples stopped short. I wanted to hear the next step in the example conversations, not just the attack and initial defense. Overall, I hoped for more.

Underwhelming

Poor audio, overly verbose exposition. Should be 20 minutes of material. Regrettable credit spend.

Disappointingly Executed on Audible

I have the paper based version of this book, so I was naturally thrilled to see it on Audible. Yet I was disappointed in the sample and then to read it is available in Format 1 quality only. Dr. Elgin wrote an excellent book that I have found extremely useful in dealing with people.

Another reviewer said SEEING what was said was not effective--he missed the point. You have to match the perspective of the person you're talking to in order to help them understand you. Moreover, that is only the basics of the book, which then goes into how to parse (or dissect) the statements people make and then use specific techniques to prevent yourself from taking the bait and falling victim to verbal abuse. One favorite of mine is when someone baits you into an argument and you can ask them a simple question that not only ignores the bait, but places them and everyone around you on notice that you will not be abused in such a way. And a welcome side-effect is to take the agressive assertions they make away from them while //placing them on the defensive.//

This book is well worth your time, but I am disappointed that the audio quality is so low. My recommendation is to buy it in the bookstore or check it out at the library if you can find it (it's been out of print for several years now.) Otherwise, this might be the only place you can get it. Either way, it is a very worthwhile read.

Only part of the book on audible ???????

I read this book many years ago, and was happy to see it on Audible. but audible only had 3 chapters of it??? something is way off here! I don't mind the author mentioning it's time to turn the tape over, and the lousy audible quality, but a large part of the book missing is unacctable. do not waste your money/credit in this one!

good topic to talk about professionally

This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

every one who seeks to live peacefully in our crazy world !

Would you be willing to try another one of Suzette Haden Elgin’s performances?

NO !

You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

just the subject

Any additional comments?

YES, GET A PROFESSIONAL NARRATOR !

Did we go back in time?

I love the message that this book is trying to relay but it is so difficult to get past the old audio. I feel like I am listening to him on radio. I have tried multiple times to get through the book but I just can’t do it. Not only is the audio bad. It is so quiet I had to raise it so high, but all I hear is crackling in the background. Why has this not been re-digitalized with all the technology? I was really looking forward to listening to this one but so disappointed.

linguistics applied

First impression- audio quality is terrible, simply unacceptable. Others have mentioned this before, I didn't care so much but it is so bad sometimes I have to rewind just to acoustically understand what the author is saying. Imagine an old audio cassette on the dashboard of your car for a summer, then sticking it into an 80's low-cost cassette player that has never been cleaned.. you get the idea.

Contents wise- very interesting, inspiring. The author establishes a very logical system of linguistics that aims to help in everyday communications, especially in situations when you have to deal with 'difficult' people. I have yet to try the techniques, but the mere awareness of the principles established in this book makes me more aware of communications and language. Recommended, but perhaps I would go for paper version due to extremely poor, insulting audio quality.

sounds like it's recorded on a phone

very helpful information. i like her voice. just got some pretty old recording quality.

This should be entitled, "Essential Peopling for Professionals and People On-The-Spectrum"

Being on-the-spectrum myself, I never understood the rules of communicating with other humans. 50+ years of studying, trial-and-error still yielded a woefully inadequate understanding of the communication guidelines that neurotypical folks take for granted.

There were so many "Ah-HA! Now I get it" moments while listening to this book, I'm going to start it again immediately and literally be taking notes.

Sure, the audio is not pristine "studio quality," and the actors sound very '70s. But it's not bad in the least. And the material alone is a gold-mine.

I especially liked how much PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY is hammered-home... and that if we're a victim of Verbal Abuse, chances-are we also do the same to others.

(I wish things like _this_ were taught in school... rather than like the capital of wherever.)

Honestly... if you're "spectrum-y" and want to finally have that manual for how to interact well with others so that they want to have you around... IMO, this is it.