It's Not You

27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single

By: Sara Eckel

Narrated by: Nina Alvamar

“Why am I still single?” If you’re single and searching, there’s no end to other people’s explanations, excuses, and criticism explaining why you haven’t found a partner:

• “You’re too picky. Just find a good-enough guy and you’ll be fine.”
• “You’re too desperate. If men think you need them, they’ll run scared.”
• “You’re too independent. Smart, ambitious women always have a harder time finding mates.”
• “You have low self-esteem. You can’t love someone else until you’ve learned to love yourself.”
• “You’re too needy. You can’t be happy in a relationship until you’ve learned to be happy on your own.”

Based on her popular Modern Love column, Sara Eckel’s It’s Not You challenges these myths, encouraging singletons to stop picking apart their personalities and to start tapping into their own wisdom about who and what is right for them. Supported by the latest psychological and sociological research, as well as interviews with people who have experienced longtime singledom, Eckel creates a strong and empowering argument to understand and accept that there’s no one reason why you’re single - you just are.

©2014 Sara Eckel (P)2016 Novel Audio Inc.

Critic reviews

"A must for any single woman's personal library." (Publishers Weekly)

"What makes It's Not You stand out among myriad dating guides is Eckel's tone: devoid of sass for sass's sake, calm without preaching." (Keziah Weir, Elle)

So Enlightening

This amazing book is a must-read for anyone who is single of any gender.

Not the demographic but very helpful

This book is not geared towards men but 90% of it is applicable. The same worries and struggles seem to be universal whether you’re a masculine man or a feminine woman. Some of us get hurt deeply once and we never recover.

The perfect book for single women

What an invaluable and liberating book for single women! Perfect for audiobook format too. Found that it lingered with me even when I wasn’t listening to it. Thank you Sara Eckel for this book and for dismantling so many things we all restrict ourselves with.

So relatable — I feel seen!

Loved this book so much! It’s like she was saying everything I’ve been thinking as a single woman who’s been single much longer than I thought I would but I’ve never heard anyone else say it all out loud before. It’s very encouraging about finding self-compassion as we journey through our lives while being single and searching. Wonderful read!

Good Book

I think she really brings valuable attention and advice to the way I can better be compassionate to myself and to enjoying my single life. I don't think she did anything wrong with her story as she did a great job of showing how complex our development is. I think why it was hard to relate a bit was because I am alot younger than she is, sk their is a different culture that could be why I didn't relate, but it was super interesting to learn about how older career people think about there life. It's not really a problem with her book its just that I hope that there is a book like this that can open up about the shame of being single when you're a women of color and when your questioning your sexuality. Otherwise I really enjoyed this novel !

Poignant and at times funny

Good story about the author’s search for a long-term relationship

Enduring (well-meaning) commentary from others

I thought this was something else

I’m struggling being single. I’m taking a break from dating and I’ve decided to focus on myself and am on a journey of self reflection and self love. I thought this book would help. Instead I found it very triggering. The book goes on and on about all the negative stigma there is on being single and how bad the dating scene can be peppered with positive ways to look at it but this book felt more negative than positive. I thought it would focus more on navigating life as a single woman and be empowering but it made me feel worse. I finally stopped listening. The narrator is awesome but this book is not what I was looking for.