Is It Love or Is It Addiction?
The Book That Changed the Way We Think About Romance and Intimacy
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Is It Love or Is It Addiction?
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Narrated by:
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Jo Anna Perrin
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By:
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Brenda Schaeffer
About this listen
A fresh, updated, and expanded edition of the book that changed the way we think about romance and intimacy.
Many of us confuse longing and obsession with true love. Through two previous editions, Is It Love or Is It Addiction? has helped countless people find their way from the trials and confusion of addictive love to the fulfillment of whole and healthy relationships. As the author reveals, we can begin to work through relationship difficulties with compassion and lasting effect by increasing our awareness of the ways that we express love.
In this expanded third edition, Brenda Schaeffer draws on years of feedback and new developments to foster an understanding of love addiction: what it is and what it is not, how to identify it, and, even more important, how to break free of it. Stories of real people struggling to develop sound relationships illustrate the characteristics of healthy love and help listeners to free themselves to find real intimacy. Included is the most up-to-date information about the biological basis of addictive behaviors and the impact of technology on intimate relationships. The author also explores the influence of past abuse and trauma on the predisposition to love addiction.
©1987, 1997, 2009 Brenda Schaeffer (P)2021 TantorListeners also enjoyed...
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12 Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs Are Gone
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- By: Allen Berger PhD
- Narrated by: Matthew Boston
- Length: 5 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 32
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 25
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 25
Allen Berger, PhD, draws on the teachings of Bill W. and psychotherapy pioneers to offer 12 hallmarks of emotional sobriety that, when practiced, give people the confidence to be accountable for their behavior, ask for what they want and need, and grow and develop a deeper trust in the process of life. These smart things include: understanding who you are and what's important to you; learning not to take others' reactions personally; trusting your inner compass; and taking responsibility for your reactions to problematic situations.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Rich exploration and application of ES principles
- By rdkemper on 08-12-23
By: Allen Berger PhD
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Men's Work
- A Practical Guide to Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, and Find Freedom
- By: Connor Beaton
- Narrated by: Connor Beaton
- Length: 9 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 90
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 80
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 79
In Men’s Work, ManTalks founder Connor Beaton offers the tactical, self-led guide men have been looking for. Here, he destigmatizes inner work by reframing it as a kind of psychological warrior training that many men can relate to and have been craving. Beaton walks you through a framework for facing the hidden and rejected aspects of yourself—factors that lead to self-sabotage, anxiety, and depression.
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5 out of 5 stars
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From a woman’s perspective
- By NBB on 03-21-23
By: Connor Beaton
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The Addictive Personality
- Understanding the Addictive Process and Compulsive Behavior, Second Edition
- By: Craig Nakken
- Narrated by: Fred Sanders
- Length: 4 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 211
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 171
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 168
For over two decades, The Addictive Personality has helped people understand the process of addiction. Now, through this second edition, author Craig Nakken brings new depth and dimension to our understanding of how an individual becomes an addict. Going beyond the definition that limits dependency to the realm of alcohol and other drugs, Nakken uncovers the common denominator of all addiction and describes how the process is progressive.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Excellent book!
- By Amazon Customer on 10-24-19
By: Craig Nakken
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The Codependency Recovery Plan
- A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle
- By: Krystal Mazzola M.Ed LMFT
- Narrated by: Linda Henning
- Length: 4 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 144
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 112
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 112
You can say no. You can stop people-pleasing and start setting boundaries. You can ask for what you need. You can love and be loved - without sacrifice - by breaking the codependency cycle. The Codependency Recovery Plan empowers you to have healthy, happy interdependent relationships. This actionable five-step program is designed to help you get in touch with yourself, assert boundaries, and communicate confidently. You’ll be free to nurture true intimacy.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great content, audio not for the neurodiverse
- By Danielle A on 01-30-23
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Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder
- The Six Stages of Healing
- By: Dennis C. Ortman PhD
- Narrated by: Paul Brion
- Length: 9 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 191
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 167
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 164
The phrase "broken heart" belies the real trauma behind the all-too-common occurrence of infidelity. Psychologist Dennis Ortman likens the psychological aftermath of sexual betrayal to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in its origin and symptoms, including anxiety, irritability, rage, emotional numbing, and flashbacks. Dr. Ortman sees recovery as a spiritual journey and draws on the wisdom of diverse faiths, from Christianity to Buddhism. He also offers exercises to deepen recovery, such as guided meditations and journaling.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Religious Slant Takes Away from Seriousness
- By Mr. Xtabay on 07-16-20
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Post-Romantic Stress Disorder
- What to Do When the Honeymoon Is Over
- By: John Bradshaw
- Narrated by: Joe Barrett
- Length: 5 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 66
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 52
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 52
John Bradshaw is arguably the most accomplished and well-known leader alive today in the addictions field. He taught us about functional and dysfunctional families, showed us how shame could become toxic and poisonous to our core selves, and helped us understand and heal the wounded, vulnerable "inner child" conceived by, and thriving in, that environment. In Post-Romantic Stress Disorder (PRSD), Bradshaw gives readers a clear explanation of the difference between falling in love, lust, and true love.
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5 out of 5 stars
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How do you own the world, how do you own disorder?
- By Derek G. on 01-13-17
By: John Bradshaw
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Prodependence
- Moving Beyond Codependency
- By: Robert Weiss
- Narrated by: Corey Gagne
- Length: 4 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 105
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 95
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 93
In Prodependence, Weiss presents a research-based social and psychological understanding of human interdependence, accepting and even celebrating human interdependency in ways that are healthy and life-affirming for each person.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Great content but horrible voice
- By Amazon Customer on 03-23-21
By: Robert Weiss
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Codependent No More
- How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
- By: Melody Beattie
- Narrated by: Melody Beattie
- Length: 8 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,054
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 918
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 915
Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one’s self-destructive behavior, you may be codependent—and you may find yourself in this book. With personal reflections, exercises, and instructive stories drawn from Beattie’s own life and the lives of those she’s counseled, Codependent No More helps you break old patterns and maintain healthy boundaries, and offers a clear and achievable path to healing, hope, freedom, and happiness.
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2 out of 5 stars
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great book with unbearable reader
- By Nielah on 09-01-22
By: Melody Beattie
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12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery
- Avoiding Relapse through Self-Awareness and Right Action
- By: Allen Berger PhD
- Narrated by: Matthew Boston
- Length: 3 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 28
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 26
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 26
To grow in recovery, we must grow up emotionally. This means getting honest with ourselves and facing up to the self-defeating thoughts and actions that put our sobriety at risk. Although there are as many ways to mess up recovery as there are alcoholics and addicts, some general themes exist, which include: confusing self-concern with selfishness; not making amends; using the program to try to become perfect; not getting help for relationship troubles; and believing that life should be easy. Allen Berger explores the 12 most commonly confronted beliefs and attitudes that can sabotage recovery.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Hilarious and True...the humor helps us to earnestly reflect inward. Very powerful. Thank you!
- By Tabitha Thornhill on 10-25-24
By: Allen Berger PhD
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Love Between Equals
- Relationship as a Spiritual Path
- By: Polly Young-Eisendrath
- Narrated by: Holly Palance
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 29
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 27
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 27
Utilizing the wisdom of her years of personal and professional practice, Young-Eisendrath dismantles our idealized projections about love, while revealing how mindfulness and communication can help us identify and honor the differences with our partners and strengthen our bonds. These practical and time-tested guidelines are rooted in sound understanding of modern psychology and offer concrete ideas and the necessary tools to reinforce and reinvigorate our deepest relationships.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Insightful
- By Anonymous User on 07-06-23
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A Radical Awakening
- Turn Pain into Power, Embrace Your Truth, Live Free
- By: Shefali Tsabary
- Narrated by: Shefali Tsabary
- Length: 15 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,130
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 966
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 960
A Radical Awakening lays out a path for women to heal their psychic wounds and prepares them to discover their own powers to help heal others and the planet. Dr. Shefali helps women uncover the purpose that already exists within them and harness the power of authenticity in every area of their lives. The result is an eloquent and inspiring, practical and accessible book, backed with real-life examples and personal stories, that unlocks the extraordinary power necessary to awaken the conscious self.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Idealistic views without tools
- By Just a Dad on 06-11-21
By: Shefali Tsabary
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The Power of Negative Thinking
- And How It Can Be a Powerful Route to Joy, Success and Satisfaction
- By: Oliver Burkeman
- Narrated by: Oliver Burkeman
- Length: 1 hr and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 33
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 26
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 26
Oliver Burkeman explores why people are often more successful - as are organisations, armies and governments - when they focus on reasons they are likely to fail; asks where happiness comes from, and whether we look for it in the wrong places; explores a phenomenon that has come to be called 'fungineering' – attempts to boost happiness in the workplace; and confronts what many of us see as the most negative of all experiences: death.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Perfect Follow-up to "Addicted to Busy"
- By Andrew Lenards on 07-23-19
By: Oliver Burkeman
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Should I Stay or Should I Go?
- A Guide to Knowing If Your Relationship Can - and Should - Be Saved
- By: Lundy Bancroft, JAC Patrissi
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
- Length: 13 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 275
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 234
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 233
In this supportive and straightforward guide, Lundy Bancroft, the author of Why Does He Do That?, and communication specialist JAC Patrissi offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward, with or without their partners.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Paradigm Shift
- By Sydnee Adams-Hancock on 04-08-16
By: Lundy Bancroft, and others
-
Fierce Self-Compassion
- How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive
- By: Kristin Neff
- Narrated by: Jean Ann Douglass
- Length: 12 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 305
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 258
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 257
Kristin Neff changed how we talk about self-care with her enormously popular first book, Self-Compassion. Now, 10 years and many studies later, she expands her body of work to explore a brand-new take on self-compassion. Although kindness and self-acceptance allow us to be with ourselves as we are, in all our glorious imperfection, the desire to alleviate suffering at the heart of this mindset isn't always gentle, sometimes it's fierce.
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2 out of 5 stars
-
Liberal Activism distracting
- By Janiene on 07-26-21
By: Kristin Neff
-
Power
- Surviving & Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse
- By: Shahida Arabi
- Narrated by: Julie McKay
- Length: 9 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 405
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 345
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 348
Pathological mind games. Covert and overt put-downs. Triangulation. Gaslighting. Projection. These are the manipulative tactics survivors of malignant narcissists are unfortunately all too familiar with. As victims of silent crimes where the perpetrators are rarely held accountable, survivors of narcissistic abuse have lived in a war zone of epic proportions, enduring an abuse cycle of love-bombing and devaluation - psychological violence on steroids.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
A “Powerful” book
- By Avid reader on 10-16-17
By: Shahida Arabi
-
Taming Your Outer Child
- Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Healing from Abandonment
- By: Susan Anderson
- Narrated by: Randye Kaye
- Length: 9 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 106
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 88
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 89
Chances are, you've already had run-ins with your Outer Child - the self-sabotaging, bungling, and impulsive part of your personality. This misguided, hidden nemesis blows your diet, overspends, and ruins your love life. Your Outer Child acts out and fulfills your legitimate childlike needs and wants in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and in counterproductive ways: It goes for immediate gratification and the quick fix in spite of your best-laid plans.
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1 out of 5 stars
-
Her voice made me cringe.
- By zoe on 02-15-21
By: Susan Anderson
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Facing Love Addiction
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Through 12-step work, exercises, and journal-keeping, Facing Love Addiction compassionately and realistically outlines the recovery process for love addicts. Mellody’s fresh perspective and clear methods work to comfort and motivate all those looking to establish and maintain healthy, happy relationships.
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5 out of 5 stars
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The only book you will ever need on love addiction!
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Crazy for You
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5 out of 5 stars
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Extremely Helpful
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3 out of 5 stars
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30% is in workbook format, not ideal for reading
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It helped me to feel not alone
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1 out of 5 stars
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Amazing Book
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Twelve Step Affirmations for Recovery from Love Addiction
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 34
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 32
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The Twelve Step Affirmations for Recovery from Love Addiction are here to support you on your journey to emotional sobriety in your 12-step program for love addiction. Need uplifting support on your journey to heal from obsessing about love? Feeling hopeless, uncertain or anxious, and need uplifting mental support? Need a way to replace disempowering thoughts with empowering ones?
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5 out of 5 stars
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Heal From overpowering love
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The Betrayal Bond
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 244
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In The Betrayal Bond, Patrick Carnes presents an in-depth study of these relationships, why they form, who is most susceptible, and how they become so powerful. He shows how to recognize when traumatic bonding has occurred and gives a checklist for examining relationships. He then provides steps to safely extricate from these relationships. This is a book you will turn to again and again for inspiration and insight, while professionals will find it an invaluable reference work.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Punch To The Gut
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You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 371
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 323
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If your life has been affected by addiction (yours or someone else's), abuse, trauma or toxic shaming, you may also be struggling with another invisible problem - codependency. Without your even being aware of the connection to the above issues, it has created additional life-long challenges such as endless guilt, anxiety, perfectionism, need to control, depression, a history of dysfunctional relationships and much more. This easy-to-understand, interactive book will reveal how codependency has sobotaged you, the lies it created in your beliefs and the truths that expose them.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Don’t buy if you aren’t religious
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Ghosted and Breadcrumbed
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 121
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 99
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 99
Time and again, some women fall for someone who for one reason or another will never return their feelings. The object of their affection may be emotionally unavailable, married, or even pathologically cruel. The woman who routinely finds herself in this situation suffers mightily, feeling rejected, unloved, undesirable. With empathy and compassion, Dr. Marni Feuerman helps women see their situations clearly, understand the historical, emotional, and psychological reasons behind their actions, and most importantly, make better choices for themselves.
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3 out of 5 stars
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For Woman who have affairs w/Married Men
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Women Who Love Too Much
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- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 1,982
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,684
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Story5 out of 5 stars 1,670
Is having 'somebody to love' the most important thing in your life? Do you constantly believe that with 'the right man' you would no longer feel depressed or lonely? Are you bored with 'nice guys' who are open, honest, and dependable? If being in love means being in pain, this book was written for you. Therapist Robin Norwood describes loving too much as a pattern of thoughts and behavior, which certain women develop as a response to problems from childhood.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Offers recovery steps.
- By sasha on 04-21-15
By: Robin Norwood
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Men Who Can't Love
- How to Recognize a Commitmentphobic Man Before He Breaks Your Heart
- By: Julia Sokol, Steven Carter
- Narrated by: Kevin Young
- Length: 8 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 813
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 699
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 696
Featured on Oprah and Sally Jesse Raphael, this definitive look at the dynamics of male-female communication gets to the heart of the all-too-common phenomenon: women who are ready and willing to commit, and men who back off just as the relationship moves toward the next level. This book can help you recognize early warning signs of the commitmentphobic man and avoid unnecessary stress and heartache.
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3 out of 5 stars
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A good read for women, but ....
- By Jay Leonard on 09-20-17
By: Julia Sokol, and others
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Deal Breakers
- When to Work on a Relationship and When to Walk Away
- By: Dr. Bethany Marshall
- Narrated by: Renée Raudman
- Length: 5 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 414
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 290
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Story4 out of 5 stars 289
This is a book about men. Not all men, just emotionally unhealthy men. The ones who make you question, "Is it him or is it me? Am I making too big a deal out of this? I try to tell him how I feel, but he says I'm overreacting or needy or it's all my fault". Relationships are hard work, but how hard should they be? When do you know you are struggling too hard to make a relationship succeed?
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5 out of 5 stars
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I Cried Thru The First Thirty Minutes...
- By Kimberley on 02-20-08
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The Undervalued Self
- By: Elaine N. Aron
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 159
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 118
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 117
Elaine Aron follows up her best sellers on the highly sensitive person with a groundbreaking new book on the undervalued self. She explains that self-esteem results from having a healthy balance of love and power in our lives. Readers will learn to incorporate love into situations that seem to require power and deal with power struggles that mask themselves as issues of love.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Life Changing!
- By Salon Finished Dawn on 09-20-15
By: Elaine N. Aron
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Loving Him without Losing You
- How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself
- By: Beverly Engel
- Narrated by: Lessa Lamb
- Length: 12 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 13
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 10
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Story5 out of 5 stars 10
Do you frequently find yourself putting your lover's needs ahead of your own? Do you tend to lose yourself in your romantic relationships? Have you ever neglected your career, your friends, or even your health while in the midst of a love affair? Now, in this landmark book, Beverly Engel examines the intricate reasons why so many women submerge themselves in their relationships with men - and offers a straightforward, empowering program that you can use to free yourself from the powerful grip of this all-too-common problem and rediscover yourself as a Woman of Substance.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Loved this
- By gabrielle s. on 06-30-23
By: Beverly Engel
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Unrequited
- Women and Romantic Obsession
- By: Lisa A. Phillips
- Narrated by: Karen White
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 35
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 32
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 32
The summer Lisa A. Phillips turned 30, she fell in love with someone who didn't return her feelings. She soon became obsessed. She followed him around, called him compulsively, and talked about him endlessly. One desperate morning, after she snuck into his apartment building, he picked up a baseball bat to protect himself and began to dial 911. Her unrequited love had changed her from a sane, conscientious college teacher and radio reporter into someone she barely recognized.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Great book! So-so narrator....
- By ToluGrace on 04-14-15
By: Lisa A. Phillips
What listeners say about Is It Love or Is It Addiction?
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Viveka Ycaza
- 12-27-23
How clear concepts were
Worth reading again and taking notes. Concepts are clear, concised, logical and with relatable examples
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 12-25-22
I enjoyed the interventions very solid reasoning
I really enjoyed the book The narrator was very pleasant to listen to the book made sense it was reasonable. very professional the interventions were something that could be replicated in practice.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 01-04-23
Is it Love or Is it Addiction?
The author captures the difference between love and an addiction in a simplistic and clear manner that is thought provoking.
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Overall2 out of 5 stars
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Performance1 out of 5 stars
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Story1 out of 5 stars
- Jones
- 10-24-23
Pass
This was not very useful and the narration is terrible. There are better resources out there to explore this idea.
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