How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety

And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives

By: Zachary Auburn

Narrated by: Oliver Wyman

The cats of America are under siege!

Long gone are the good old days when a cat’s biggest worries were mean dogs or a bath. Modern cats must confront satanists, online predators, the possibility of needing to survive in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, and countless other threats to their nine lives.

For over four decades, the American Association of Patriots have stood at the vanguard of our country's defense by helping to prepare our nation's cat owners for the difficult conversations they dread having with their pets. Written in a simple Q&A format, How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety answers crucial questions such as, “What is the right age to talk to my cat about the proper use of firearms?” and “What are the benefits of my cat living a lifestyle of abstinence?” and especially “Why does my cat need to use the internet? Can’t he just play with yarn like cats used to do?”

Our country - and our cats - stand at a precipice. It will take courage, and it will take hard work, but armed with the knowledge within this audiobook, we can make our cats - and America - great again!

©2016 Zachary Auburn (P)2019 Random House Audio

flame

just absolutely swell, just straight divine. My cat has never been more prepared to deal with firearms

Conservative Christian Loves This!

I found this audio utterly humorous... and dare I day relatable! I was surprised to discover the author wrote this as a means of satire. Interestingly, he knows much of the main talking points and ideas of the Christian faith which he expresses from our POV instead of a leftist mocking standpoint, which is ironic being that the book is satire. I liked it a lot. Oliver, I hope Jesus finds you. We will gladly welcome you :)

Very good book. helped my cats a lot.

I LOVED IT BEST BOOK EVER SO AMAZING. HELPED MY CATS A LOT. 🐈

Intermittently Funny

A solid guide for protecting your feline against deceit, but otherwise falls short of being a worthwhile listen. 10/10 meme, 6/10 actual listen.

The reader was excellent

This book is so helpful 0 gun accidents by cat since this book came out

Humorous Exposer of Conservative Culture to Cats

I listened this to while cat sitting for my grand-kittens. They are usually raised by conservative human parents and after listening to the Mueller Report, A Higher Calling and other anti-Trump audio books all these cats would do is sit on the porch in the sun away from my audio books. I thought that I should include them in my next Audible selection and found How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety. The cats enthusiastically listened while napping on their front porch. I recommend this book to any cat-sitting hippy relatives trying to give these cats a since of normalcy without turning on Fox News. It's Purr-fect

I think I did something wrong

My cat is now a gay communist who does drugs and owns five guns. What did I do wrong??

Not what you think.

This overtly conservative book was written by a leftist. It didn't come to light until the author describes how to keep your son from being approached by other gay men. He detailed that by dressing your son in tough cloths like leather pants and jackett, and a leather bikers hat, gay men would stay away. Tell that to Freddy Mercury.
And to ensure your some grows up straight dress him like "The Village People". And to play wholesome video games that honor our military and capitalism like Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto.
This book is in keeping with Saul Alinskys teachings in "Rules for Radicals". For example to destroy your enemy you must become your enemy and do it from within.

I don't get it

I don't get it. Is this right radical propaganda? Or is this satire? I wish there was something to prepare me in the summary. I could barely stand to listen to this. I don't get it.