How to Stop People-Pleasing

By: The Great Courses, Wind Goodfriend

Narrated by: Wind Goodfriend

Do you find yourself regularly sacrificing your own wants and needs to make others happy? Do people take advantage of your desire to be helpful? Are you becoming exhausted or resentful from meeting the demands—real or assumed—of others? In other words, are you a perpetual people pleaser?

We all want to be liked and appreciated by the people around us, but some of us may let this desire dictate our choices and behaviors in a way that can become unhealthy. In How to Stop People-Pleasing, psychology professor Dr. Wind Goodfriend examines what drives many of us to sacrifice our well-being to please others and offers guidance on how you can set healthy boundaries and start prioritizing yourself. In five illuminating lectures, Dr. Goodfriend will help you understand where the approval-seeking impulse comes from, why some of us are so susceptible to it, the steps you can take to develop your confidence and sense of self, and ways you can enforce your newfound freedom from the expectations of others.

As Dr. Goodfriend teaches you how to tackle the three components that fuel people-pleasing—mindset, habits, and feelings—you will see how, despite your best efforts to be what everyone needs you to be, you ultimately can’t control what other people think of you. With the tools and perspectives provided in this course, you can break the damaging cycle of self-sacrifice and resentment and make the changes to become a better, healthier version of yourself.

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I enjoyed it and learned from it.

It was interesting to hear from an author who did not suffer from confidence issues herself but who can approach confidence and boundaries from the perspective of a professor and researcher. Not experiencing it yourself doesn’t mean you cannot understand a subject, and the author has a very comfortable grasp on this topic. As she says herself you can take it or leave it if her POV on the subject doesn’t appeal to you or help, but I thought it was an interesting perspective.

concise and eye-opening discussion of psychological theory and real world application

I really enjoyed this audio course. it combined academic research with a number of useful surveys. the author shared her personal example but highlighted and concisely summarized several research studies. this was much more than an autobiographical self-help course. it was a fantastic blend of Empirical research individual application. highly recommended.

Author's Disclaimer unecessary..Text obviates lack of experiential knowledge

This is a very superficial and unempathetic look at this topic. The last chapter is particularly insulting to reader's intelligence and challenges with people pleasing. After 3 superficial chapters that ite no ver information about the topic, the author proposes very, again, superficially designed behavior modification techniques. It is insulting because if the reader had not already tried, through force of will and trying to change thought patterns, to let go of people pleasing behavior, this could be potentially minimally interesting but the fact is that if you are reading this book, you probably already tried these superficial methods. Behavior change works for things that are not rooted in deep psychological wounds, trauma, and other wise subconscious parts of ourselves. Use this book only as a 1st introduction (academic and Not therapeutic) to the topic of people pleasing.... or just get the same Shallow understanding from those superficial websites like Healthline.