Here, There Be Dorfs!
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Here, There Be Dorfs!
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Narrated by:
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Ilse Max
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Phillip Polite
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By:
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Montgomery Quinn
About this listen
I never thought, after all those fantasy novels. That I would ever live through one.
My name is Tobias Conner-Kyanite. And yeah. That name is still something I’m not quite used to yet. Most of this was an accident. But not a regret. Not even a little.
I’d like to say, that boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl and boy marries girl. Unfortunately, or I like to think, fortunately. That girl didn’t know the boy existed, and when I arrived at Dead Man’s Shaft to meet with the lovely Vanessa Weeks for an impromptu spelunking lesson. Well, it was her boyfriend and a few of his buddies waiting for me.
Rather than get the whooping of a lifetime, I ran for the darkness of the old mine shaft. Where I took a nasty fall. How it happened, and where I ended up, I have no idea. But the strange, blind, batlike monster hanging from the ceiling when I woke up told me this wasn’t earth any more.
The five beings in powered armor that came to my rescue only reinforced that fact. Inside those metal shells, though… Five of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. With eyes and hair like the gemstones they’re named after.
This is a hard world. Of struggle, honor, and fantastical technology, unlike anything I have ever seen. Held together by five families, with five elders… Who just so happen to be the fathers of the women who rescued me. And when their attempt to have me executed goes awry with the news of my unknowing betrothal to one of those beautiful women.
This world is little like the one I grew up in. Their laws are harsh and absolute. So I better learn quick. Because the consequences can be fatal. And I’m getting rather attached to my rescuers.
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- Length: 6 hrs and 29 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,636
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,597
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,597
Compiled by intrepid journalist Neve Pride, this archive of recordings spans the months after dragons emerged on earth, chronicling the communities that sprang up amid the destruction, the scientists, military leaders, and experts searching for a defense, and those steadfastly seeking the missing. Neve and her young daughter Bex travel among the wreckage speaking to those left behind and surviving, against all odds. Neve records everything for history, and in the hopes of locating a clue as to where the dragons came from and how one might stop them.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Liked the Concept
- By shila k edwards on 03-31-25
By: Bob Proehl
-
The Martian
- By: Andy Weir
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 10 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 38,842
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 34,549
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 34,445
Six days ago, astronaut Mark Watney became one of the first people to walk on Mars. Now, he's sure he'll be the first person to die there. After a dust storm nearly kills him and forces his crew to evacuate while thinking him dead, Mark finds himself stranded and completely alone with no way to even signal Earth that he’s alive - and even if he could get word out, his supplies would be gone long before a rescue could arrive. But Mark isn't ready to give up yet.
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1 out of 5 stars
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I love Wil Wheaton but why not R. C. Bray?
- By L. Newman on 01-11-20
By: Andy Weir
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Hitchhikers
- By: Ben H. Winters
- Narrated by: Therese Plummer
- Length: 3 hrs and 27 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,845
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,822
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Story4 out of 5 stars 1,822
Annie has always had high hopes for her future. But the reality of her life just isn’t measuring up. She loves her fiancé, Greg–doesn’t she? She’s going to get her degree and open her own business–won’t she? Then, a strange old woman shows up outside her house, and she seems to know a lot about Annie. An awful lot. Annie could tell the old woman to get lost. Yet there’s something about her Annie just can’t shake. And what she learns could change her life forever–but is it the life she envisioned?
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4 out of 5 stars
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Pretty good
- By Anne on 03-18-25
By: Ben H. Winters
-
Starter Villain
- By: John Scalzi
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 8 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 12,102
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 10,746
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 10,740
Inheriting your uncle's supervillain business is more complicated than you might think. Particularly when you discover who's running the place. Charlie's life is going nowhere fast. A divorced substitute teacher living with his cat in a house his siblings want to sell, all he wants is to open a pub downtown, if only the bank will approve his loan. Then his long-lost uncle Jake dies and leaves his supervillain business (complete with island volcano lair) to Charlie. But becoming a supervillain isn't all giant laser death rays and lava pits.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Volcanic Lairs, Death Rays & Cats… Oh My! 😼
- By C. White on 09-19-23
By: John Scalzi
-
The Signal
- By: Eric Buchman, Gabriel Urbina, Sarah Shachat
- Narrated by: Paget Brewster, full cast
- Length: 2 hrs and 39 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 3,801
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,702
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Story4 out of 5 stars 3,703
Two astronomers have detected a strange, pulsing signal from deep space. Within hours, the US government goes into lockdown, restricting airspace and scrubbing scientific data. Was the signal an intercepted communication revealing alarming plans for an enemy’s military strike? Or has humanity at long last found proof of extraterrestrial life?
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Great listen.
- By Vanessa on 12-07-24
By: Eric Buchman, and others
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Maxim Volt worked very hard NOT to become the local madman. He didn’t plot doom upon his enemies (even when they deserved it). He didn’t stitch together monsters with parts 'recycled' from the local graveyard. Why, he barely allowed himself a maniacal laugh or two! And yet, he still somehow ended up getting kicked out of university, banished from the family estate, and inheriting a decrepit castle high in the mountains of Eastern Europe, complete with a spooky but devoted maid.
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“Yes, I admit, I should have told him earlier,” lamented Wizard Apprentice Talash as Sentinel Ruben stared at him. “I just don’t know what to do now that the Portcullis has been opened.” What to do. Yes, that was the million-dollar question. Warning the citizens about the hordes of criminals, crazies and creatures flooding into Mokiem from the Land of Outcasts would be the first action; repairing and sealing the Portcullis would be the second; and rescuing Wizard Szczurik from whatever hellish place the changeling had teleported him would be the third.
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 18
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My name is James Thorne, and I wasn't supposed to matter. Before the invasion, I was just a guy in a dead-end job, keeping my head down and my past buried. The Gehenna want our annihilation. Thankfully, they angered the Aetherion who may help humanity not only fight back, but turn the tide. When I’m offered the chance to be Cleansed, to become something more than I was, I take it. And it turns out I’m special. No, I’m not the Chosen One. And yes, there are others like me, but as a Psyker, I can do things most can't. Things that make me very dangerous.
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4 out of 5 stars
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X-COM, The literary edition.
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Infernal Legacy
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 36
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Damian's life turns upside down when his father is murdered, leaving a void nothing can fill. Moving to a new city for college is supposed to be a fresh start, but it never feels right. Just as things begin to settle, Damian comes home to find a demonic goatman waiting to kill him. Luckily, a badass angel with a sword saves him—except she isn’t an angel, and Damian isn’t as human as he thought. Now, with his mother missing, Damian is caught in the middle of a war between worlds. To find her, he must train, slay demons, decipher his father's journal, and master the weapons he left behind.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Pretty good
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Suburban Warlock
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After years of clearing out the initial floors of dungeons so that famous teams could take the real prizes, I was around about ready to call it quits. But after getting myself dragged into the final floors of a legendary dungeon by a team of equally-legendary morons, I found myself as the only survivor – and the only one to claim the legendary prize on the dungeon’s final floor.
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Solipsum
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Solipsum follows the adventures of Charlie, young photo assistant who works for one of the top photographers in the world. She gets the assignment of a lifetime and soon finds herself working on a print campaign that takes over all the print-based advertising in thirty cities around the world.
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What listeners say about Here, There Be Dorfs!
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- C E Wright
- 03-07-25
Cultural differences abound.
The narrators were great with alarge range of voices that fit the characters. There was was a believability they brought out as they spoke in the portrayals of the characters. It really brought more life to those characters.
Saying all tha,t there are some very explicit depictions in sex, fighting, and of course terrible monster creatures.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance3 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- M M
- 02-22-25
Bad Narrator Good Story,
The story is good, But i can not get over the Male Narrator sure he says all the words correctly in order, but with ZERO emotion inflection or it seems any effort at all.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- A Marin
- 02-02-25
Great twist to Isekai
Fantastic story and great twist that uses dwarves instead of the classic elves. My only hang up is the narrator. While done well, he sounds a bit monotone at times.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Madeleine Ames
- 02-26-25
Overall story line
Interesting story. Something new. I liked it. Though the erotic scenes did drag. A bit too detailed in my opinion. And some of the erotic vocabulary words were repeated a bit too much back to back. Considered various word choices throughout. However, I’d definitely play it again. Definitely out of my comfort zone. Something I did enjoy being hesitant at first. Also it had an abrupt ending to it.
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