Everyone You Hate Is Going to Die

And Other Comforting Thoughts on Family, Friends, Sex, Love, and More Things That Ruin Your Life

By: Daniel Sloss

Narrated by: Daniel Sloss

One of this generation's hottest and boldest young comedians presents a transgressive and hilarious analysis of all of our dysfunctional relationships, and attempts to point us in the vague direction of sanity.

Daniel Sloss' stand-up comedy engages, enrages, offends, unsettles, educates, comforts, and gets audiences roaring with laughter - all at the same time. In his groundbreaking specials, seen on Netflix and HBO, he has brilliantly tackled everything from male toxicity and friendship to love, romance, and marriage - and claims (with the data to back it up) that his on-stage laser-like dissection of relationships has single-handedly caused more than 300 divorces and 120,000 breakups.

Now, in his first book, he picks up where his specials left off, and goes after every conceivable kind of relationship - with one's country (Sloss' is Scotland); with America; with lovers, ex-lovers, ex-lovers who you hate, ex-lovers who hate you; with parents; with best friends (male and female), not-best friends; with children; with siblings; and even with the global pandemic and our own mortality. In Everyone You Hate Is Going to Die, every human connection gets the brutally funny (and unfailingly incisive) Sloss treatment as he illuminates the ways in which all of our relationships are fragile and ridiculous and awful - but also valuable and meaningful and important.

©2020 Daniel Sloss (P)2020 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

“This is the Pandora's Box of self-help books.” (Conan O'Brien)

“He tells jokes that are transgressive, that are shocking, that are dark enough to emphasize that he’s not some kind of pious, soggy, joyless hector.” (Sophie Gilbert, The Atlantic)

“Sloss uses comedy as a means to not only make his fans laugh but also to raise critical questions about the way we act.” (Christina Zhao, Newsweek)

Read this book immediately

Best travel guide book of Scotland ever. 10/10 no notes. I ignored many things that would’ve made me a decent employee and juman just to continue listening to this book. It’s fantastic. Daniel has a unique gift of being such an open dick and yet it’s comforting and I want to be friends with him. Highly recommend!

HILARIOUS. Great stories, jokes, and advice

Great artist. He is hilarious, real, and unique. His perspective is always worth the ponder.

Best thing since sliced bread (sliced bread never stood a chance)

If you haven’t binged all of Daniel’s comedy specials (which you likely have) this is a hilarious addition to everything else he’s already got out there. Unwillingly, Daniel is also amazingly inspiring and real about reminding us to be happy with ourselves and our own company instead of seeking happiness in others. Sorry Daniel, you’re the prophet you never wanted to become. Congrats, don’t get your ego in a knot.

Classic standup material

Great book, delightfully read. Just like his standup, recommend without reservation. Share far and wide!

A witty, insightful, fun listen

I will preface by saying I love Daniel Sloss. He is bright, hilarious, and can run pretty deep. This book did not disappoint, even with my rather high expectations. It's really just a book of ruminations, a lot of which are based on his philosophies on relationships. I would definitely highly recommend this book.

Loved every second of it!

I love Daniel Sloss's stand up so I hoped this would be similar and it is. There are loads of fantastic and bad books from comedians so you never know what you'll end up with. The book is similar and covers a lot of the topics in his Jigsaw and Dark specials so I enjoyed it. if youre a fan, I recommend picking it up and trying it for yourself. Crude and hilarious!

Smart, funny, dark. Loved it!

I love Daniel’s humor. Smart, witty, dark, insightful… Enjoyed the book very much as well as his stand up shows. And good idea let him read it… it needs his signature delivery.

Effing Brilliant

I was truly bummed when the book ended. I love listening to him, his perspective is refreshing and interesting and resonates with me. I love his analogies. And I’m not just being hyperbolic here — I feel so much love for this guy and I’m so glad he’s in the world making things and sharing his take on everything. His book is, of course, funny; it’s also provocative and profound and poignant and pertinent. Highly recommend.

Feckin Phenomenal

Love the stand up, but this made me love the human even more. So well written. And narrated better than 90%of the books done by pros. A joy to listen to, as the accent and tone and mannerisms are an integral part of this piece. Also, thank you for including so much background and humor throughout, but leaving enough truth that actually does inspire. I laughed so hard and am not around folks who would get it, but I'll be honest the acknowledgements was a favorite part too, and I cried at the end. Partly cuz I don't want it to be over, but partly cuz the love you have for your sister!!! Here's to a relationship with your girl and kiddos that is that much better than even your folks.

Brilliant!

I enjoyed this book from the moment it began, Daniel is incredible smart and hilarious!