In Episode #88 of Don't Pick the Scab Podcast, host David welcomes guest Jack Kammer, a seasoned advocate for male gender issues with over 40 years of experience. Together, they tackle the complex landscape of divorce recovery, fatherhood, and co-parenting for men over 40. Jack shares his unique perspective as a social worker and former Executive Director of the National Congress for Men, shedding light on the societal pressures and evolving roles of fathers in the aftermath of divorce. Despite not being a father himself, Jack passionately discusses the importance of fatherhood and the societal challenges men face, such as the stigma of being secondary parents and the struggles of shared custody arrangements.

The conversation delves into emotional recovery, with Jack highlighting how anger often masks deeper emotions like sadness and grief. He recounts transformative moments from his career, including workshops that helped angry fathers confront their pain and rebuild their emotional health. David and Jack also explore the challenges of co-parenting, the backlash against shared parenting initiatives, and societal shifts in gender roles over time. Jack advocates for the rebuttable presumption of shared parenting, emphasizing its benefits for children and the importance of fathers in their development.

This episode is a powerful mix of personal anecdotes, professional insights, and actionable advice for navigating the emotional and practical hurdles of divorce recovery. Whether you're a divorced dad or an ally, this episode offers hope, healing, and a fresh perspective on fatherhood’s evolving role in modern society.

Top 10 Topics Discussed

1. The concept of "Don't Pick the Scab" as a metaphor for men's emotional healing post-divorce.

2. The importance of moving past anger and confronting deeper emotions like sadness and grief.

3. Challenges of co-parenting and the prevalence of "shit show" dynamics.

4. The benefits of shared parenting and the case for rebuttable presumption laws.

5. The societal undervaluing of fathers and its long-term impact on families.

6. Personal anecdotes about navigating co-parenting challenges, including financial disputes.

7. Cultural perceptions of masculinity and their influence on divorce recovery.

8. The backlash against fathers seeking equal parenting roles post-divorce.

9. Historical shifts in fatherhood roles, from pre-industrial times to the modern era.

10. The emotional toll of divorce and tools for rebuilding a positive future for men and their children.

All Things Jack

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In this insightful episode of the Don’t Pick the Scab Podcast, host David interviews Victor Giusfredi—a certified life and wellness coach with over 20 years of experience in mindset and behavioral psychology. Victor, also an internationally certified neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) practitioner, shares his transformative journey from emotional struggles to becoming an expert in sustainable change. As the author of No Grail Without Dragons and the upcoming Marriage by Design, Victor dives deep into the challenges men face during divorce recovery and personal growth.

During the conversation, Victor explores the subconscious patterns of men dealing with divorce, such as anger and defensiveness, and emphasizes the importance of rewiring thought processes to break negative cycles. He candidly discusses his own life experiences, including overcoming two divorces, co-parenting struggles, and rebuilding self-worth. Victor shares actionable advice on how men can cultivate sustainable change by shifting their mindset, embracing vulnerability, and finding meaningful lessons in suffering.

Key topics include managing anger as a coping mechanism, redefining identity after divorce, and fostering forgiveness to release emotional weight. Victor’s thoughtful insights provide men over 40 with a roadmap to healing, personal transformation, and creating fulfilling relationships. Whether it’s navigating co-parenting challenges or rediscovering self-worth, this episode is packed with wisdom, practical tools, and inspirational stories.

Listeners can connect with Victor via his website, victorgiusfredi.com, or follow him on social media for more resources on navigating life after divorce. Keywords: divorce recovery, men over 40, mindset, co-parenting, forgiveness, self-worth, personal growth.

Top 10 Subjects Covered in the Interview with Victor Giusfredi

1. Subconscious Patterns in Divorce Recovery

   • Victor identifies anger as a common coping mechanism for men and explains its connection to depression and emotional turmoil.

2. Rewiring Thought Processes

   • How identifying and questioning automatic thoughts can lead to healthier emotional responses and actions.

3. Rebuilding Self-Worth

   • Victor outlines a step-by-step approach to taking inventory of personal strengths and weaknesses to regain confidence after divorce.

4. Redefining Identity After Divorce

   • The importance of letting go of outdated self-perceptions and crafting a new version of oneself.

5. Forgiveness as a Personal Tool

   • Victor shares his journey of forgiving his stepfather, highlighting how forgiveness frees the individual, not just the other person.

6. Co-Parenting Challenges

   • Advice for managing what happens at the ex-spouse’s house and focusing on modeling positive behavior for children.

7. Sustainable Change

   • The value of giving new meaning to painful experiences and using them as a foundation for long-term personal growth.

8. Breaking the Cycle of Generational Divorce

   • Victor’s perspective on how parents’ choices influence, but do not dictate, relationship outcomes for their children.

9. The Role of Vulnerability in Personal Growth

   • Why being open to emotional experiences and criticism is crucial for building healthier relationships.

10. Finding Positive Meaning in Suffering

    • Victor explains how reframing past struggles can lead to wisdom, resilience, and a sense of purpose.

All Things Victor

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The podcast episode from Don't Pick the Scab Podcast hosted by David M. Webb features guest Michael Read, a men's coach specializing in healthy masculinity, mental health, and co-parenting. The discussion centers on helping men over 40 recover from divorce, navigate co-parenting challenges, and embrace healthier masculinity. Michael shares insights from his personal journey, including his exploration of attachment theory and the patterns that shape relationships. He emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, emotional regulation, and building supportive male communities.

The conversation also delves into the psychological impact of being a second-generation divorcee, the challenges of co-parenting without effective communication with an ex-partner, and the emotional toll of not being able to control what happens in the other parent's household. Michael provides practical advice for men, such as setting boundaries, seeking therapy or coaching, and finding support groups to navigate these challenges.

The episode concludes with a discussion on dating after divorce, highlighting the importance of self-healing before entering new relationships. Michael stresses the need for open communication, self-awareness, and the value of male bonding in the healing process. The podcast offers actionable advice and relatable anecdotes to help men rebuild their lives post-divorce.

Top 10 Most Important Points

1. Attachment Theory and Relationship Patterns: Michael Read explains how attachment theory helps men understand recurring patterns in their relationships and how these patterns often stem from childhood experiences.

2. Second-Generation Divorce Impact: David and Michael discuss the psychological effects of being a child of divorce and how it influences one's own relationships and masculinity.

3. Co-Parenting Challenges: The podcast addresses the difficulties of co-parenting, especially when communication with an ex-partner is strained or non-existent.

4. Emotional Regulation: Michael emphasizes the importance of setting "rules of engagement" in relationships to avoid destructive behaviors like name-calling and character attacks during conflicts.

5. Support Systems for Men: Both David and Michael highlight the necessity of male bonding and support groups to help men navigate the emotional challenges of divorce and co-parenting.

6. Therapy and Coaching: The episode discusses the pros and cons of therapy for men, noting that traditional therapy may not always align with how men process emotions. Coaching and male-specific support groups are presented as alternatives.

7. Dating After Divorce: Michael advises men to focus on self-healing before jumping into new relationships and to be transparent about their emotional state when dating.

8. Healthy Masculinity: The podcast explores the concept of healthy masculinity, emphasizing science-backed approaches to understanding and embracing it.

9. Parenting Through Example: Michael advises divorced fathers to focus on being consistent role models for their children, demonstrating integrity and stability despite challenges with their ex-partners.

10. The Importance of Self-Awareness: Both hosts stress the need for men to reflect on their behaviors, recognize patterns, and take responsibility for their emotional growth.

THE ADAPTIVE MEN YOUTUBE CHANNEL

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In this episode of the Don’t Pick the Scab podcast, I interview Rabbi Avi Kahan, a seasoned mediator, judge, and expert in conflict resolution, who shares deep insights into divorce recovery for men over 40. Avi’s unique perspective stems from his 15 years of experience with matrimonial disputes and his background in both religious and civil mediation. He emphasizes that divorce is not merely an end but an opportunity for immense personal growth and healing.

Avi introduces the concept of transitioning from "needing" a divorce to "wanting" one, explaining that the latter comes from a place of self-awareness and healing. He discusses the importance of reframing divorce as a reset, especially for fathers, where co-parenting becomes the central relationship. Avi stresses the need for men to embrace their role as co-parents, respecting their ex-spouses as the mother of their children, and even providing continued support post-divorce.

Drawing on religious philosophy, Avi explains how conflict resolution is at the heart of religion and human growth. He shares powerful ideas about personal accountability, forgiveness, and creating boundaries for oneself rather than imposing them on others. Avi argues that men should learn to accept and even want the situation they’re in, as this is key to navigating conflict successfully and fostering healthier relationships post-divorce.

The conversation also touches on the destructive nature of child custody battles and the necessity of shielding children from parental conflict. Avi advocates for "romantic divorces," where civility and mutual respect replace litigation, saving both financial and emotional costs. Through storytelling and philosophical insights, Avi provides a thoughtful roadmap for men to heal, grow, and redefine themselves after divorce.

It was refreshing to interview Avi, for he does not conform to the traditional mediation and conflict resolution constructs. Wow! Interesting!

10 Most Important Points:

1. Divorce should be seen as a healing opportunity, transitioning from "needing" to "wanting" it.

2. Fathers and mothers cannot truly “divorce” if they share children; instead, they must restructure their relationship as co-parents.

3. Men should embrace their role as co-parents and aim to support their ex-spouses, even post-divorce.

4. Religious philosophy teaches that conflict resolution is essential for personal growth.

5. Boundaries should be created for oneself, not imposed on others, as they are subjective.

6. Conflict is necessary for growth and can lead to innovative solutions when handled constructively.

7. Shielding children from parental conflict is critical; child custody battles cause deep harm and should be avoided.

8. Litigating divorce and fighting through court systems often exacerbates pain and prevents healing.

9. Forgiveness—of oneself and one’s ex-spouse—is key to moving forward and finding peace.

10. Marriage should be approached with the understanding that it could fail, and one should only marry someone they could also divorce amicably.

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In this episode of the "Don't The Scab Podcast”, host David connects with Jon Emery, a single father of two who transformed his life after divorce and job loss. Jon shares his inspiring journey of resilience and self-discovery, offering valuable insights for men over 40 navigating similar challenges. After losing his job of 20 years and going through a painful divorce, Jon chose to rebuild his life by focusing on personal growth, community, and eventually launching a successful podcast.

Jon credits podcasting as a transformative tool, which not only helped him process his emotions but also allowed him to connect with a global audience and build meaningful relationships. He emphasizes the importance of reaching out for support, finding a community, and engaging in self-care—two areas where men often struggle. Jon recalls how joining a men’s group and taking a masculinity course helped him develop emotional resilience and communicate more effectively.

Jon also discusses the challenges of co-parenting, admitting it’s not easy but manageable when the focus remains on the children. He highlights how he redefined success by prioritizing emotional, mental, and physical well-being. This included establishing a morning routine, exercising regularly, and exploring his spirituality through prayer and church. Podcasting, in particular, gave him purpose and a platform to grow and share his journey with others.

Throughout the conversation, Jon acknowledges that healing and self-improvement take time, but the effort pays off in creating a better version of oneself. His message is clear: divorce can be an opportunity for growth, and men should embrace the journey, seek help, and never give up on becoming their best selves.

10 Most Important Points:

1. Community and Support: Jon stresses the importance of connecting with other men to navigate the struggles of divorce and emotional challenges.

2. Self-Care: Emotional and mental well-being are essential for recovery. Jon recommends letting emotions out and working through them constructively.

3. Morning Routine: Jon’s daily routine includes gratitude journaling, prayer, and motivational content, all of which helped him find balance.

4. Physical Health: Regular exercise and hiring a fitness trainer helped Jon regain strength and confidence.

5. Podcasting as a Tool: Podcasting became a transformative outlet for Jon, enabling him to share and learn from others’ experiences.

6. Redefining Success: For Jon, success now means being the best version of himself emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

7. Co-Parenting Challenges: While co-parenting can be difficult, Jon prioritizes his children’s well-being and maintains boundaries with his ex.

8. The Power of Forgiveness: Although Jon didn’t directly pursue forgiveness, he emphasizes letting go of resentment to move forward.

9. Personal Growth Through Adversity: Jon sees divorce and job loss as opportunities for self-improvement and building a better life.

10. Networking and Relationships: Building relationships through podcasting and events has been key to Jon’s personal and professional growth.

Places to find Jon:

Facebook

YouTube

Instagam

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In this episode of the podcast, David interviews Dr. Bernadette Atanga, a physician and mental health expert with a focus on empowering men through life’s challenges, particularly conflict. Dr. Bernadette shares her extensive experience working with men globally and discusses the unique struggles they face due to societal expectations of emotional suppression. She highlights the importance of mental health in physical well-being, explaining how unresolved emotions often manifest in physical ailments. The conversation delves into the cultural norms surrounding masculinity, the lack of support systems for men, and the need for a men's empowerment movement.

Dr. Bernadette introduces her "PEACE" method, an acronym encompassing Patience, Empathy, Awareness, Communication, and Emotional Intelligence, as a framework to help men heal and rebuild after conflicts like divorce. She emphasizes the significance of acknowledging emotional pain, embracing vulnerability, and redefining masculinity to lead with authentic strength. The discussion also covers co-parenting challenges, the importance of maintaining healthy relationships with children post-divorce, and why patience and self-discovery are crucial before entering new relationships.

Dr. Bernadette shares insights from her upcoming book, Beneath the Armor: Eight Practical Steps for Men to Embrace Vulnerability and Lead with Strength, which provides practical guidance for men to heal and rediscover their identity. The conversation concludes with a powerful reminder that healing starts with a choice and that men must prioritize their own well-being to truly thrive as leaders in their families and communities.

Top 10 Most Important Points from the Interview:

1. Emotional Suppression in Men: Societal norms discourage men from processing emotions, which often leads to internalized pain and externalized anger.

2. Mental Health and Physical Health Link: Emotional stress, such as that caused by divorce, frequently manifests in physical health issues like high blood pressure or unmanaged diabetes.

3. Unresolved Childhood Trauma: Many men suppress childhood pain, which resurfaces during life crises like divorce, affecting their healing journey.

4. The "PEACE" Framework: Dr. Bernadette’s method—Patience, Empathy, Awareness, Communication, and Emotional Intelligence—helps men navigate conflicts and heal.

5. Co-Parenting Advice: Parents must prioritize their children's well-being over personal conflicts, focusing on long-term relationships rather than short-term power struggles.

6. Redefining Masculinity: Men need to move beyond traditional definitions of masculinity tied to dominance and provision, embracing vulnerability and balance.

7. Healing Begins with Truth and Choice: Honest self-reflection and a conscious decision to heal are foundational steps for recovery post-divorce.

8. Cultural Universality of Masculine Struggles: Regardless of geography or ethnicity, men globally face similar challenges around vulnerability and societal expectations.

9. Impact of Divorce on Identity: Divorce often leads to a loss of identity, requiring men to redefine themselves not only for their own well-being but also for their families and communities.

10. Avoiding Rebound Relationships: Jumping into new relationships too soon after divorce often hinders healing and can lead to further emotional complications. Fellas!!!!
    

Dr. Bernadette Contacts:

Linkedin

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On this episode of the Don't Pick the Scab Podcast, host David interviews Daryl Tanner, a counselor, author, and lay minister from San Antonio, Texas. Daryl shares key insights from his book, Great Expectations Today, which offers practical advice for men healing after divorce. Drawing from his personal experiences and decades of work in Christian counseling, Daryl discusses how men can overcome anger, rebuild self-confidence, and find purpose following divorce. He emphasizes faith, forgiveness, and gratitude as essential components of personal growth.

Daryl explains that many men struggle with feelings of failure, anger, and inadequacy post-divorce. He advises men to focus on what they can control and to stop blaming external factors. He also highlights the importance of lowering unrealistic expectations, which can often lead to frustration and disappointment. By setting practical goals and being honest with oneself, men can begin to recover emotionally and spiritually.

Growing up on a farm in Lower Alabama with a strict father and a nurturing, spiritual mother, Daryl learned resilience early on. He credits his upbringing for helping him develop the strength to overcome challenges, including personal setbacks. A self-described daydreamer as a child, he explains how imagination and reading helped him escape difficulties and build a positive vision for the future.

Daryl also addresses the importance of forgiveness, both for oneself and others, to release the emotional burdens associated with divorce. He encourages men to avoid bitterness and instead focus on being present for their children without speaking negatively about their ex-spouse. Daryl underscores the significance of living in alignment with one's faith, finding gratitude in small blessings, and helping others as a way to heal.

The interview concludes with practical advice for men, including cleaning up unhealthy habits, seeking spiritual guidance, and surrounding themselves with supportive people. Tanner also recommends his book as a resource for additional insights and guidance.

Top 10 Takeaways

1. Lower Expectations: Avoid setting unrealistic standards for relationships and life; focus on practical, achievable goals.

2. Forgiveness is Key: Forgiving both yourself and others is essential to emotional and spiritual healing.

3. Focus on What You Can Control: Let go of the things you can't control, including your ex-partner's behavior.

4. Rebuild Confidence: Start by cleaning up unhealthy habits, exercising, and improving your diet.

5. Be Grateful: Shift your mindset by appreciating blessings, no matter how small.

6. Faith and Spirituality: Strengthen your relationship with God through prayer, Bible reading, and self-reflection.

7. Anger Management: Address underlying anger issues to avoid carrying emotional baggage into new relationships.

8. Help Others: Being a blessing to others can provide a sense of fulfillment and purpose.

9. Parent with Purpose: Focus on being a positive role model for your children without criticizing your ex.

10. Discover Inner Strength: Recognize and nurture the unique talents God has given you to thrive in life.
    

Daryl’s Book: Great Expectations Today!: A Happier Life Filled Wth Greater Abundance. Expand Your Inner Power and Become the Person You Have Always Wanted To Be.

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In this episode of the Don't Pick the Scab Podcast, host David interviews Dr. Benjamin Ritter, a leadership and career coach with over a decade of experience working with top companies like Amazon, Google, and Pinterest. Dr. Ritter specializes in helping individuals align their values with their careers and navigate life transitions, such as divorce or job loss. The conversation focuses on the parallels between losing a job and going through a divorce, both of which can leave individuals feeling stuck, lost, and disconnected. Dr. Ritter emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, self-care, and intentional living to overcome these challenges.

Key themes include the concept of "living for yourself," which involves aligning your life with your values and goals rather than external expectations. Dr. Ritter also discusses the importance of building confidence as a skill, creating a supportive environment, and taking small, actionable steps to move forward. He highlights the need for men to prioritize self-care, redefine their sense of purpose, and develop "executive presence" in both personal and professional contexts. The episode concludes with actionable advice for men recovering from life-altering events: focus on personal goals, build confidence, and evaluate relationships to ensure they align with your aspirations.

10 Important Topics Discussed

1. Parallels Between Job Loss and Divorce

-Both events involve a loss of identity, routine, and purpose, requiring individuals

to rebuild their lives.

1. Living for Yourself

-The importance of aligning your life with your own values and goals rather than living for others.

1. The Concept of Being Stuck

-Feeling stuck often stems from a lack of clarity, routine, and purpose, which can be addressed by identifying small, actionable changes.

1. Building Confidence as a Skill

-Confidence is not innate but can be developed through practice, self-reflection, and intentional actions.

1. Self-Care for Men

-Men often neglect self-care, but prioritizing physical, mental, and emotional well-being is crucial for recovery.

1. Executive Presence

-Developing executive presence involves defining your values, being reliable, and engaging fully in the moment.

1. The Role of Community and Support

-Losing a job or relationship often results in losing connections, making it essential to rebuild a supportive network.

1. Small Steps Toward Recovery

-Taking small, manageable actions—such as journaling, joining a group, or volunteering—can help create momentum.

1. Redefining Purpose and Direction

-Purpose can be rediscovered by focusing on meaningful activities, helping others, and reframing your perspective.

1. The Importance of Environment

-Surrounding yourself with people who support your growth and align with your goals is critical for personal development.

Dr Ritter’s Website

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