In Episode #88 of Don't Pick the Scab Podcast, host David welcomes guest Jack Kammer, a seasoned advocate for male gender issues with over 40 years of experience. Together, they tackle the complex landscape of divorce recovery, fatherhood, and co-parenting for men over 40. Jack shares his unique perspective as a social worker and former Executive Director of the National Congress for Men, shedding light on the societal pressures and evolving roles of fathers in the aftermath of divorce. Despite not being a father himself, Jack passionately discusses the importance of fatherhood and the societal challenges men face, such as the stigma of being secondary parents and the struggles of shared custody arrangements.

The conversation delves into emotional recovery, with Jack highlighting how anger often masks deeper emotions like sadness and grief. He recounts transformative moments from his career, including workshops that helped angry fathers confront their pain and rebuild their emotional health. David and Jack also explore the challenges of co-parenting, the backlash against shared parenting initiatives, and societal shifts in gender roles over time. Jack advocates for the rebuttable presumption of shared parenting, emphasizing its benefits for children and the importance of fathers in their development.

This episode is a powerful mix of personal anecdotes, professional insights, and actionable advice for navigating the emotional and practical hurdles of divorce recovery. Whether you're a divorced dad or an ally, this episode offers hope, healing, and a fresh perspective on fatherhood’s evolving role in modern society.

Top 10 Topics Discussed

1. The concept of "Don't Pick the Scab" as a metaphor for men's emotional healing post-divorce.

2. The importance of moving past anger and confronting deeper emotions like sadness and grief.

3. Challenges of co-parenting and the prevalence of "shit show" dynamics.

4. The benefits of shared parenting and the case for rebuttable presumption laws.

5. The societal undervaluing of fathers and its long-term impact on families.

6. Personal anecdotes about navigating co-parenting challenges, including financial disputes.

7. Cultural perceptions of masculinity and their influence on divorce recovery.

8. The backlash against fathers seeking equal parenting roles post-divorce.

9. Historical shifts in fatherhood roles, from pre-industrial times to the modern era.

10. The emotional toll of divorce and tools for rebuilding a positive future for men and their children.

All Things Jack

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In this insightful episode of the Don’t Pick the Scab Podcast, host David interviews Victor Giusfredi—a certified life and wellness coach with over 20 years of experience in mindset and behavioral psychology. Victor, also an internationally certified neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) practitioner, shares his transformative journey from emotional struggles to becoming an expert in sustainable change. As the author of No Grail Without Dragons and the upcoming Marriage by Design, Victor dives deep into the challenges men face during divorce recovery and personal growth.

During the conversation, Victor explores the subconscious patterns of men dealing with divorce, such as anger and defensiveness, and emphasizes the importance of rewiring thought processes to break negative cycles. He candidly discusses his own life experiences, including overcoming two divorces, co-parenting struggles, and rebuilding self-worth. Victor shares actionable advice on how men can cultivate sustainable change by shifting their mindset, embracing vulnerability, and finding meaningful lessons in suffering.

Key topics include managing anger as a coping mechanism, redefining identity after divorce, and fostering forgiveness to release emotional weight. Victor’s thoughtful insights provide men over 40 with a roadmap to healing, personal transformation, and creating fulfilling relationships. Whether it’s navigating co-parenting challenges or rediscovering self-worth, this episode is packed with wisdom, practical tools, and inspirational stories.

Listeners can connect with Victor via his website, victorgiusfredi.com, or follow him on social media for more resources on navigating life after divorce. Keywords: divorce recovery, men over 40, mindset, co-parenting, forgiveness, self-worth, personal growth.

Top 10 Subjects Covered in the Interview with Victor Giusfredi

1. Subconscious Patterns in Divorce Recovery

   • Victor identifies anger as a common coping mechanism for men and explains its connection to depression and emotional turmoil.

2. Rewiring Thought Processes

   • How identifying and questioning automatic thoughts can lead to healthier emotional responses and actions.

3. Rebuilding Self-Worth

   • Victor outlines a step-by-step approach to taking inventory of personal strengths and weaknesses to regain confidence after divorce.

4. Redefining Identity After Divorce

   • The importance of letting go of outdated self-perceptions and crafting a new version of oneself.

5. Forgiveness as a Personal Tool

   • Victor shares his journey of forgiving his stepfather, highlighting how forgiveness frees the individual, not just the other person.

6. Co-Parenting Challenges

   • Advice for managing what happens at the ex-spouse’s house and focusing on modeling positive behavior for children.

7. Sustainable Change

   • The value of giving new meaning to painful experiences and using them as a foundation for long-term personal growth.

8. Breaking the Cycle of Generational Divorce

   • Victor’s perspective on how parents’ choices influence, but do not dictate, relationship outcomes for their children.

9. The Role of Vulnerability in Personal Growth

   • Why being open to emotional experiences and criticism is crucial for building healthier relationships.

10. Finding Positive Meaning in Suffering

    • Victor explains how reframing past struggles can lead to wisdom, resilience, and a sense of purpose.

All Things Victor

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The podcast episode from Don't Pick the Scab Podcast hosted by David M. Webb features guest Michael Read, a men's coach specializing in healthy masculinity, mental health, and co-parenting. The discussion centers on helping men over 40 recover from divorce, navigate co-parenting challenges, and embrace healthier masculinity. Michael shares insights from his personal journey, including his exploration of attachment theory and the patterns that shape relationships. He emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, emotional regulation, and building supportive male communities.

The conversation also delves into the psychological impact of being a second-generation divorcee, the challenges of co-parenting without effective communication with an ex-partner, and the emotional toll of not being able to control what happens in the other parent's household. Michael provides practical advice for men, such as setting boundaries, seeking therapy or coaching, and finding support groups to navigate these challenges.

The episode concludes with a discussion on dating after divorce, highlighting the importance of self-healing before entering new relationships. Michael stresses the need for open communication, self-awareness, and the value of male bonding in the healing process. The podcast offers actionable advice and relatable anecdotes to help men rebuild their lives post-divorce.

Top 10 Most Important Points

1. Attachment Theory and Relationship Patterns: Michael Read explains how attachment theory helps men understand recurring patterns in their relationships and how these patterns often stem from childhood experiences.

2. Second-Generation Divorce Impact: David and Michael discuss the psychological effects of being a child of divorce and how it influences one's own relationships and masculinity.

3. Co-Parenting Challenges: The podcast addresses the difficulties of co-parenting, especially when communication with an ex-partner is strained or non-existent.

4. Emotional Regulation: Michael emphasizes the importance of setting "rules of engagement" in relationships to avoid destructive behaviors like name-calling and character attacks during conflicts.

5. Support Systems for Men: Both David and Michael highlight the necessity of male bonding and support groups to help men navigate the emotional challenges of divorce and co-parenting.

6. Therapy and Coaching: The episode discusses the pros and cons of therapy for men, noting that traditional therapy may not always align with how men process emotions. Coaching and male-specific support groups are presented as alternatives.

7. Dating After Divorce: Michael advises men to focus on self-healing before jumping into new relationships and to be transparent about their emotional state when dating.

8. Healthy Masculinity: The podcast explores the concept of healthy masculinity, emphasizing science-backed approaches to understanding and embracing it.

9. Parenting Through Example: Michael advises divorced fathers to focus on being consistent role models for their children, demonstrating integrity and stability despite challenges with their ex-partners.

10. The Importance of Self-Awareness: Both hosts stress the need for men to reflect on their behaviors, recognize patterns, and take responsibility for their emotional growth.

THE ADAPTIVE MEN YOUTUBE CHANNEL

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