Bonjour! A lot has been said already about the absolute trainwreck that is Madame Web – but we still have our fair share to offer as well. Lazy performances, confusing writing, and baffling ADR are just a few aspects worth discussing in yet another god-awful entry into the now defunct Sony-verse. So join us on our trip to the Amazon with our moms as we research spiders right before we all die as we talk about Mallie’s wrap gifts from working on the film, how 9/11 led to Ellen getting canceled, and Dakota Johnson’s one weakness: opening cans. All of that and more with returning Spider-gals Brandi Dewberry and Jenn Paulemon. Au revoir!

Madame Web stars Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, Celeste O'Connor, Tahar Rahim, Mike Epps, Emma Roberts, Adam Scott, Zosia Mamet, José María Yázpik, Kerry Bishé, and Josh Drennen. Directed by S. J. Clarkson.

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We’re not quite done discussing the divide between liberals and conservatives this season, but this movie seems to be as 2020’s The Hunt has virtually nothing to say on the topic (other than having its characters shout buzzwords.) A swing and a miss from this Leftovers duo, Zobel and Lindelof managed to make a movie that’s all hype with no substance. But we still have a lot to say about this one, so take out your mouth gag and strap up as we discuss the film as well as do some classic dirtbag math, debate the guild pay for crisis actors, and ponder what it would be like if Legolas has Uzis instead of a bow. (Is anyone else getting some real Boss Baby vibes from this movie?)

The Hunt (2020) stars J. C. MacKenzie, Ethan Suplee, Macon Blair, Betty Gilpin, Emma Roberts, Hilary Swank, Justin Hartley, Ike Barinholtz, Amy Madigan, and Glenn Howerton. Directed by Craig Zobel.

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It’s the 13th of the month, and Longlegs only needs one more murder to complete his task! Will he succeed? Will Lee Harker stop him in time? Or will the devil claim another soul? Tune in this week to find out as we talk about one of the best horror films of 2024. Plus, we’ll discuss the annoyance of waiters singing happy birthday at restaurants, hotel room cuck chairs, and the most important question of all: what if Longlegs (and Mike Ehrmantraut) were on Con-Air? All of that and more if you LET US IN NOWWW!!!

Longlegs stars Maika Monroe, Nicolas Cage, Blair Underwood, Alicia Witt, and Michelle Choi-Lee. Directed by Osgood Perkins.

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It’s maybe our least favorite day of the year as we’re reminded of a truly embarrassing stain on our nation’s history, so it seems only appropriate to discuss a movie that focuses on similar themes in a microcosm. 2022’s Soft & Quiet had a release that was, unfortunately, true to its name. With that being said, we’re hoping this episode will bring more people around to this fantastic (albeit incredibly triggering and uncomfortable to watch) film. So grab a big slice of pie and a glass of $300 wine as we’re discussing the logical fallacies of the characters’ ideologies, the best Blumhouse movie, not knowing what our neighbors’ names are, and much more with returning guest Priscilla Hendry.

Soft & Quiet stars Stefanie Estes, Olivia Luccardi, Eleanore Pienta, Dana Millican, Melissa Paulo, Jon Beavers, Cissy Ly, Rebekah Wiggins, and Shannon Mahoney. Directed by Beth de Araújo.

Warning: this episode covers the topics of racism, hate crimes, sexual assault, and other acts of abuse. If you or someone you know is experiencing anything related to these acts, we encourage you to seek help. The FBI Hate Crime hotline can be reached at 1-800-CALL-FBI. You can also inform your local or state police.

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To cap off a pretty violent year, we’re talking about a pretty violent film with the mother of all death game movies – 2000’s Battle Royale. It was The Hunger Games before The Hunger Games that cemented itself as one of the most influential films of the aughts and beyond. If you still haven’t seen it, make that correction then change into your school uniform and grab your randomly assigned weapon as we’re talking about the problem with soju (it’s too good), our strategies for beating the game, the madness of the 2023 documentary The Contestant, and so much more in this jam-packed episode.

Battle Royale stars Tatsuya Fujiwara, Aki Maeda, Tarō Yamamoto, Chiaki Kuriyama, Kou Shibasaki, Masanobu Andō, and Beat Takeshi. Directed by Kinji Fukasaku.

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Ho, ho, fuck: it’s our Christmas episode of 2024, and with how dour things seemed to be this year, we could think of no better movie to discuss this week than the OG Black Christmas from Bob Clark. This small hazy and eerie horror flick bridged the gap from Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho to John Carpenter’s Halloween that solidified the slasher genre for decades to come – and it’s still just as good 50 years later. So put on your comfiest sweater and grab your toilet wine cause we’re discussing our favorite Christmas songs, the oddity that is Christmas caroling, and the continuing adventures of Peppermint and Jingle Jangle with returning guest Ashley McGlothren. Plus, Dustin’s truly insane Christmas parade story. Happy holidays, you creeps!

You can check out Southern Haunts and Oh, That’s a Scary Movie on Apple Podcasts or wherever get your podcasts.

Black Christmas (1974) stars Olivia Hussey, Keir Dullea, Margot Kidder, and John Saxon. Directed by Bob Clark.

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If Joker: Folie à Deux is anything, it’s unconventional; jokes on you if you were expecting otherwise from a sequel to its billion-dollar grossing predecessor. This time, Arthur Fleck has gone from performing stand-up comedy (badly) to performing showtunes (badly). But what may surprise you is that we didn’t hate this one. So put on your dancing shoes and light up as Dustin (the Mayor of Movies), Nathan (the District Attorney of Movies), and JT (the Stenographer of Movies?) discuss everything about the film accompanied by more sound effects than a Looney Tunes episode – oh, it’s gonna get obnoxious.

Joker: Folie à Deux stars Joaquin Phoenix, Lady Gaga, Brendan Gleeson, Catherine Keener, Zazie Beetz, Steve Coogan, and Harry Lawtey. Directed by Todd Phillips.

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A flood is coming, and not just the water swallowing the Earth to kill everyone and everything – it’s a brand-new season of our show! We’re back from our much-needed break, and we’re kicking things off with the last of Darren Aronofsky’s theatrically released feature films we haven’t discussed yet. It’s the one you definitely forgot about: 2014’s Noah. What a weird, weird movie. And what’s even weirder is our episode covering it. So hop aboard the ark before you get washed away as we’re covering everything from Darren Aronofsky’s Prince era, the scandalous story of Noah they don’t want you to know about, and loving our wives. Plus, we’ll introduce the newest edition to our show. You won’t want to miss this one.

Noah stars Anthony Hopkins, Russell Crowe, Douglas Booth, Ray Winstone, Jennifer Connelly, Emma Watson, Logan Lerman, and Kevin Durand. Directed by Darren Aronofsky.

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