Defining the Four Pillars of Nurturing Children https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/defining-the-four-pillars-of-nurturing-children/?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=dunham_2022&utm_content=postA nurturing mom provides thorough care that goes deeper than just meeting a child’s physical needs. Defining nurturing in all of its aspects can help parents provide nurturing care that will help their child’s growth and development.Michelle Beaulaurier, one of nine children, wrote the following to her mother: “I would not be where I am today had you not been where you were! You were my support system, my encourager, my peace, and my challenger to go for it and to use my talents. You were always there to point out my special, God-given talents so that I could reflect upon them and put them into use.”Michelle’s comments show that her mother provided multifaceted nurturing care for her. This mom undoubtedly went “below the surface” of her daughter’s most apparent needs, meeting her psychological and spiritual needs as well. Unfortunately, many intelligent moms act only on what they see with their eyes and focus only on life’s externals.A nurturing mom, however, provides the right kind of thorough care that goes deeper. I’m not saying this is easy. Far from it! Daily life requires us to pay close attention to myriad issues. Every day we must decide where our strongest focus should be. We could use more eyes, ears, and intuitiveness — as well as more hours in a day — to address the many details demanding our attention.Defining the 4 Pillars of Nurturing ChildrenThe right type of nurturing is multifaceted and involves four realms:The physical realmThe mental/intellectual realmThe emotional/psychological realmThe spiritual realmDefining nurturing in these realms can help us to care for our children more deeply. We need to care for our children in all of these dimensions, but we must realize that the needs are unseen in three of the four realms.1. The Physical Realm of NurturingDefining nurturing in the physical realm is somewhat easy because the needs are visible. Providing shelter, food to eat, and clothes to wear are obvious necessities. Being physically around to drive our children to their activities and attend to their health care are just a few of the needs that present themselves in a straightforward manner.Yet even in the physical sphere, we can go the extra mile with how we nurture our children. It takes work to prepare the right kinds of food and present them nicely. Have you noticed that in Scripture, so much of what is essential takes place around the table? Let’s not underestimate the value that comes from preparing and sharing food. At our house, we have a large table that can serve 14 to 18 people. We’ve served many dinners and enjoyed meals together with others, which teaches children to go and do likewise in their adult life.Generally speaking, caring for your child in the physical realm should be done in balance. Too little physical care reflects abuse or selfishness when we consistently ignore our family’s needs in favor of our own. Overindulgence, on the other hand, is just as destructive and leads to us spoiling our kids. Giving our children too many things decreases their appreciation for the benefits of work and reduces their incentive to provide a few things for themselves. Pushing a child to reach for physical perfection by demanding the best in appearance or the top spot at beauty pageants and athletic competitions counteracts healthy nurturing, no matter how well-intentioned the parent may be.2. The Mental and Intellectual Realm of Nurturing When we delve beneath the surface of our children’s physical needs, we find the mental realm of nurturing. How do we define nurture when it comes to our kids’ minds?Studies indicate that parents can affect their child’s IQ, interests, and abilities simply by reading aloud to them. According to early education expert and author Betty Bardige, “Reading aloud to young children is not only one of the best activities to stimulate language and cognitive skills; it also builds motivation, curiosity, and memory.” 1Research shows that when you read aloud to your children, you expose them to more words, which improves vocabulary, grammar, sentence structure, and general knowledge. Vocabulary is closely related to academic success, and it’s a key area on IQ tests. One study shows that as early as age two, children who are read to regularly display greater language comprehension, larger vocabularies, and higher cognitive skills than their peers. 2Researchers have also noted a connection between a child’s IQ score and how well that child is attached (or bonded) to his or her mother. One study of 36 middle-class mothers and their three-year-olds discovered that securely attached children scored 12 points higher on the Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scale than insecurely attached children.3So you see, ...
