Episodes

  • Affair-Proofing Your Marriage

    Affair-Proofing Your Marriage
    Aug 26 2024
    Affair-proofing your marriage... hefty topic. I don't think people go into their marriage thinking "one day I'm going to screw this all up, break any ounce of trust we built, and shatter my spouse's heart" - and yet, it happens. Aaron & I have seen it enough times to develop a very healthy fear of it. We've adapted the mindset of "it can happen to anyone, even us" and have adapted our behaviors accordingly. Some highlights we talk about in this episode: It's not just defense, it's offense Set your boundaries up of what you will/won't do in advance Gauge your own satisfaction level What is your need / lack either in partnership or a gaping hole in yourself? Brokenness causes affairs, not a lack of sex - so where am I broken? Ultimately a heart issue - we can have all the protocols but if you want to hide from me, you will. It’s your heart that needs to be addressed. It would be so much easier to be superhuman and never give anyone else a second glance. Plus it can feel so uncomfortable to have these types of conversations with your partner because saying the truth can hurt their feelings - but, wouldn't you rather give them the opportunity to actually fully know you vs just the parts of them you deem "acceptable"? Remove shame by bringing your brokenness into the light and you may just find that it loses its power when you do that too. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    55 mins
  • Radical Candor featuring Q&A with Kim Scott

    Radical Candor featuring Q&A with Kim Scott
    Aug 12 2024
    Communication can be tough - especially when you have to deliver some difficult feedback. Kim Scott is a well-known figure in the business world, particularly for her work on management and leadership. Her background includes roles at major tech companies like Google and Apple, where she was involved in building and managing teams. She wrote the book "Radical Candor: How to be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity" which breaks down what it looks like to both care personally and challenge directly landing you in the sweet spot of radical candor. But what are some of the other quadrants we can fall into? Do you slip into ruinous empathy which happens when you care a lot but never challenge? (Picture EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!!! from the Lego movie) Are you known at the office for your obnoxious aggression which isn't showing your invested in the other person but you're absolutely going full-force on the challenging? (Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada, anyone?) Or are you manipulatively insincere where you're not really emotionally involved at all or speaking up? (Office Space: "I'm gonna need you to come in on Saturday...mmmk?") Our first ever Haven! book club read the book to discuss it together last month and had the privilege of the author herself joining to answer our questions. Kim graciously answered our questions and I think you'll enjoy what she has to say! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    45 mins
  • Preschool Moms: Making Mom Friends

    Preschool Moms: Making Mom Friends
    Jul 29 2024
    Becoming a mom can rock your world - all the sudden you're thrust into this entirely new chapter of your life where it's all consuming, entirely life-altering, and wholly identity changing to say the least. Somehow time moves so slowly (on a loop of feed, diaper, sleep, repeat) and yet quickly at the same time (they're already sitting up??) For me, I felt strangely united with every single woman who came before me who had entered this journey, but also weirdly isolated because it was entirely new to me and know one knew exactly what I was going through. Community and connection were my saving grace. But, it can be so hard to make friends who are in this similar phase of life with you - especially because the main question can be "is the fact that we have similar aged children all we have in common?" I bring in a fellow mom, Kim Craven (known to all the kids as Kimmie!), that I met at our kids' preschool. She is the queen of organizing a group text event and currently we are both experiencing so many firsts together - our first born children entering school, first time navigating kids squabbling in class, etc. I plan to make this topic a limited recurring series where I bring in other preschool parents as we discuss this unique phase of life! Although, even if you don't have preschool kids, I think what we talk about is pretty universal - how do you put yourself out there and make new friends? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    1 hr
  • Mother/Daughter Talk: How Do I Not Hate My Body?

    Mother/Daughter Talk: How Do I Not Hate My Body?
    Jul 15 2024
    Could you imagine being 12 years old at your first week of dance practice after being cast for the New Mickey Mouse Club - feeling so thrilled to be there, a little nervous but filled with anticipation - and the first thing the choreographer says as they comes over to you in your leotard is to pat your belly and say "Got a little gut on there don't you, girly? Gonna have to get rid of that..." Yeah. That happened to my mom. How would you not begin to have some body image issues after that? I bring her in for a heartfelt discussion about the uphill battle it can be to have a healthy relationship to your body. Whether it was a dance teacher, TV commercial, or magazine ad targeted to inform you of your inadequacy it seems that society has been conditioning us to hate our bodies from multiple angles. Yet, the concept of body neutrality - basically the act of taking a neutral stance toward your body both emotionally and physically - seems to be more difficult to implement as we are swimming upstream. The ability to not support the hatred towards your body's “limitations” but simply being at peace with your body is easier said than done, yet I do think there is a path forward. My mom was really brave to experience share her journey with this throughout her life and also raising two young women with the intention to NOT have that be our inner monologue. Join us as we discuss the power our bodies possess, far beyond what they even look like. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    1 hr and 1 min
  • What Are Your Petty Peeves and What Are We Supposed to Do About It?

    What Are Your Petty Peeves and What Are We Supposed to Do About It?
    Jul 1 2024
    Pet peeves... we all have them. Those little annoyances that come up in our day typically triggered by someone else's behavior. Usually we feel a bit righteous about them like our way is the right way and they should "do better." But, what about those ones that aren't really right or wrong - they are just absolutely your own personal preference and if anything the face that you're bothered by it makes you downright PETTY. No? Just me? I bring in my friend Eric Roy for this topic and when we created the shared note to update as they came to mind we had to start scrolling that page within 24 hours. What is it about us humans that we can always find things to be annoyed about? Plus, why do they even annoy us? Together we share our own personal grievances (please don't cancel us) and then dive into a bit of what perhaps is the driving force of those emotions. Overall those behaviors typically violate a core value or belief we have - yet, admittedly, we violate them all the time, so why do we give ourselves permission to do so but not others? Join us as we go down a very dark hole of our own pettiness... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    47 mins
  • What Does Healthy Masculinity Even Look Like?

    What Does Healthy Masculinity Even Look Like?
    Jun 17 2024
    What does healthy masculinity look like in 2024? I feel the need to add the current year in that title as a caveat because cultural depictions of masculinity change with each generation (ex: long haired hippies were seen as effeminate while previously that was the typical look for majority of cultures of men.) But, what are the evergreen attributes of being a man - then on top of that, what is a healthy expression of them? So far in my lifetime, it seems the pendulum has swung from toxic & harmful masculinity all the way to docile, castrated masculinity - so where is it landing now? I bring in who I would categorize as the "stereotypical Barbie" of manhood which is my uncle, Justice Coleman. He's a martial arts champion (in both karate and jiu-jitsu), former pro skater, mountain bike enthusiast and overall testosterone fueled type of guy. Together we explore what does manhood look like through the lens of roles (husband, father, etc.) as well as how he's teaching his fourteen year old son to evolve from a boy to a man (spoiler alert: it's a choice and I know some grown men who have yet to make that leap in maturity.) I share a female POV of attractive behaviors of manhood and it's a greater discussion on what characteristics have we added a gender to where maybe it isn't necessary. Overall, I think whether you identify as a male, are in love with one, or are raising one - this conversation will bring some good food for thought. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    1 hr and 15 mins
  • A Color Palette of Friendship: Is having one BFF realistic? Learning to appreciate people for the rainbow of roles they play in our lives

    A Color Palette of Friendship: Is having one BFF realistic? Learning to appreciate people for the rainbow of roles they play in our lives
    Jun 3 2024
    I think sometimes with the media we are set up to think we will have the one "end all / be all / bff" friend that will fulfill all our bestie needs. But that's just a lot of pressure and expectation to put on someone. I like to see my relationships like a color palette - I want allllll the colors. The yellows which are the girls I just go to the nail salon with and talk about the Bachelor. Passionate reds who are chasing their career dreams and can gas me up and inspire me to go for my goals. Deep blues for when I'm going through something hard and need to process it with their wisdom. Light pinks which are maybe my neighbors who I walk to the Sunday farmer's market with and talk about whatever. Some people can carry multiple colors but ultimately, just like in marriage, I can't expect one to meet all my needs. For this topic I bring in a multi-color friend of mine, Tess Roy, and we talk about how the nuances of this topic like... Is it easy or difficult for you to make friends? How do you personally handle when someone wants to commit to a deeper friendship but you’re either not interested, or can’t meet them where they’re at? Who is one great friend you’ve had in your life and what made them special? I hope after you listen you leave with a new appreciation for some relationships in your life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    1 hr and 10 mins
  • What's In A Name? What your name says about you, your origin, and who you will be in this world with guest Erwin McManus

    What's In A Name? What your name says about you, your origin, and who you will be in this world with guest Erwin McManus
    May 20 2024
    “What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.” That reference is of course a line written by William Shakespeare from the play Romeo and Juliet to convey that the naming of things is irrelevant. But, I want to explore that. My friend has a theory that asking someone “how did you get your name?” is an noninvasive way to hear about their origin story and a way to learn a lot about them. It taps into past generations of humans with how we are given our names - while it is a seemingly benign question, it possibly can be an astute window into the stories we tell ourselves about our lives. My guest for this episode, Erwin Raphael McManus, speaker & author of “Mind Shift” has a very unique name as well as backstory so I thought he’d be the perfect person to test this hypothesis. Throughout the episode he answers questions like… If your name wasn’t given with meaning, how do you bring meaning to it? What do you do if you don’t like your name? Do women lose parts of their identity in taking their husband’s name? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    1 hr