Have you ever questioned whether it's you who is toxic or if it's your partner?

Here are 4 simple and powerful steps to take to assess where the toxic cycles are coming from and how to end these.

Start empowering yourself.

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Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
info@healtraumabonding.com

This is ESSENTIAL for you to pay attention to - like you bathe, brush your teeth, drink water, and eat every day; you better look at your relationship with the same lens.

1. Absence of communication. This is not just simply saying "don't be defensive and don't criticise". This is about disconnecting, the inability to empathise, pulling apart, and keeping conversations on surface level.

2. Emotional disconnection. Scientific research shows that 80% of couples who are emotionally disconnected end in divorce.

3. Frequent arguments. This can go from disagreements to being unappreciated - but either way you are disconnected from what is truly meaningful at your core values.

4. Lack of intimacy. This is not just about having sex but it's about being emotionally vulnerable and willing to expose oneself to be held by the other (and vice versa).

5. Loss of trust. This can be built up but you are definitely going to need to start from ground zero, with the ingredients of safety, honesty, and transparency to create trust again.

6. Different life goals. You are not going to be the same as your partner (and you shouldn't be) but you need to be able to grow together. This is foundational for your relationship to flourish.

7. Indifference. This is simply when you've stopped investing as much as you would have previously, or as much as you would like to invest in a relationship.

8. Avoidance. Time together feels like a chore and you even invite others around as a reason to 'be together'.

9. Constant criticism. This can have a huge negative impact on your self-esteem and self-worth.

10. Inability to move forward together. Being stuck and stagnating - if you're stuck you're actually deteriorating (not staying the same).

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Set yourself up for relationship success and get the best marriage advice. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
info@healtraumabonding.com

Sex can either be healing or cause further trauma in a relationship.

Sex isn't just a physical act, but it's the spiritual, mental and emotional connection that's involved within a relationship. But that can be absolutely destroyed when it comes to a relationship with someone with narcissistic tendencies.

No shame - only openness and compassion here. Let's delve into the 10 top problems experienced in sex with a narcissist.

1. Sex entitlement - This brings the issue of 'consensual' vs 'wanted' sex - and you get pushed into saying yes to at least avoid other problems like criticism, rejection or infidelity.

2. Hypersensitivity to criticism - rejecting any form of feedback, and it can be a slippery slope into being gaslit.

3. Lack of empathy and forming emotional connection during an act so vulnerable.

4. Expectation of extreme praise and admiration (again, potential to gaslight)

5. Withholding sex as a form of punishment, rejection and shaming.

6. Sexual exploitation as a tool for manipulation and 'transaction'.

7. Sexual aggression - its a 'consentual' form of punishment which enforces the power imbalance.

8. Infidelity and social humiliation

9. Openly speaking about the bedroom with others to compare and contrast sexual experiences - forcing you to 'perform more and better' (sex becomes a performance, not an act of intimacy).

10. Gaslighting and sexual creation, creating a whole heap of shame if you're not playing ball.

Support the show

Set yourself up for relationship success and get the best marriage advice. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
info@healtraumabonding.com

We often link success at work or financial stability with getting more love, admiration, and security from our partners. But here's the kicker: despite all our hard work, many of us see our relationships suffer.

We get so caught up in chasing career milestones or money targets that we forget about tending to our relationships. It's like we're on autopilot, focusing solely on work and neglecting our connection with our partners. Sure, we might hit those career or financial targets eventually, but it often comes at the expense of losing touch with ourselves and our relationships.

Even though we start off with good intentions, aiming to work hard for the sake of our relationships, we end up feeling distant from our partners. We've let the emotional and mental bonds slip away while we were busy climbing the ladder. It's crucial to strike a balance between our professional ambitions and prioritizing our relationships to avoid the sad reality of achieving success while losing what truly matters in life.

Support the show

Set yourself up for relationship success and get the best marriage advice. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
info@healtraumabonding.com

This is all an inside job.

The thing to hold in mind is that a boundary requires YOU to uphold and execute the consequences to, but does not mean that the other person has to adhere to them.

With a narcissist, having a boundary can feel like an impossible task because any boundary you express is also you admitting you are worthy of having your needs met, disrupting their pre-exiting concept of relational dynamics involving a heirarchy.

Your boundaries might be rejectected in the form of gaslighting or blackmail.

And so you do not negotiate the boundary.

You need to remain secure and self-assured in your own needs, prioritise these, and recognise that the rejection is a lesson you are learning about them.

Support the show

Set yourself up for relationship success and get the best marriage advice. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
info@healtraumabonding.com

Today we have a deep and introspective conversation with Dr. Kate Truitt, a clinical psychologist and applied neuroscientist.

We delve into:
- Complexities of intimate relationships and how these are impacted by early and past experiences.
- Cultural and societal shifts in how we view relationships, what's acceptable, masculinity, and "situationships"
- Any relationship fundamentally requires psychological safety and mutual care.
- Book smarts and knowing the technical knowledge on watching out for trauma, narcissism, trauma bonding, self-critical voices, and shame do not protect you against the practical experiences of these.
- Chaos in relationships can feel comfortable.
- Amy the amygdala is simply trying to protect you - but sometimes in ways that hinder you.
- Self-compassion is key, always.

Support the show

Set yourself up for relationship success and get the best marriage advice. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
info@healtraumabonding.com

Trauma bonds in men, Part 2

In this episode, I want to delve deeper into the topic of men and the core issue of shame, which is particularly high in those who have experienced trauma or abuse. Men often struggle to express these experiences, especially in heterosexual relationships, due to societal expectations and the belief that their value is based on what they provide.

Shame is a pervasive emotion that can be extremely challenging to navigate because it makes individuals feel fundamentally flawed. This emotion often leads to depression, anxiety, and guilt, creating a vortex of painful feelings. Men face difficulty in dealing with shame because they're unsure of how to navigate it and are bombarded with mixed messages from society.

Society has evolved to focus on equality in relationships, challenging traditional gender roles. Men are often valued based on their roles, what they provide, and their characteristics. While it's important to strive to be the best version of oneself, this emphasis on external factors coupled with shame makes it hard for men to stand up against mistreatment.

Childhood experiences further reinforce this shame, as boys are often punished for pushing boundaries. They learn that expressing themselves may lead to more punishment, so they hide their true selves and conform to others' expectations.

Shame responses can manifest as withdrawal, self-attack, avoidance, or attacking others. Men who have carried shame for extended periods may resort to attacking behaviors to cope with their own feelings of worthlessness.

To address these issues, it's crucial to distinguish between what belongs to you and what belongs to the other person in the relationship. You can't change someone else, but you can work on your own self-worth and boundaries. Taking calculated risks by opening the door to your emotions and experiences can help gauge whether the relationship is worth pursuing.

Ultimately, understanding the complexity of shame and its impact on men is essential for both personal growth and building healthier relationships.

If you want to get in touch you can find me on Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy or www.healtraumabonding.com

Support the show

Set yourself up for relationship success and get the best marriage advice. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
info@healtraumabonding.com

You will be torn - a part of you will have the ultimate desire for saving the relationship, everything you have invested into it, while the other part of you will want to end it and gain relief.

Support the show

Set yourself up for relationship success and get the best marriage advice. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
info@healtraumabonding.com