What are some tips for the holidays when my loved one has dementia?Be adaptable, flexible and communicate

The holidays are a time for togetherness and making memories, but the reality is it can also bring stress and disappointment. Holiday traditions may need to evolve over time as family dynamics and situations change, including when a loved one has Alzheimer’s or dementia.

Megan Rowe, former Senior Program Manager with the Alzheimer’s Association: Dallas and Northeast Texas chapter has helpful tips if you’re a caregiver or celebrating with someone who needs a little extra help.

Megan recommends planning and making adjustments alongside your loved ones. Come together to discuss where your focus should be and what will bring the most joy to your family member with dementia or Alzheimer’s. Then you can work together to make it a reality.

Set expectations

First, it’s important to have a meeting with your loved ones to make sure they understand the situation. The Alzheimer’s Association website offers a letter template if you need help explaining the reality of your loved one’s state to them. It may have been months or years since your family has seen your loved one, and maybe they’re unprepared for how your loved one has regressed. Be sure to set boundaries and expectations around what you can and cannot do, giving yourself permission to only do what you can manage.

Don’t be afraid of change

While some traditions may not make sense considering your loved one’s situation, try finding a suitable alternative. For example, hosting a holiday with 20 people can be overwhelming with someone who has dementia. Consider having a more intimate holiday – or, set aside a designated quiet space for your loved one to take breaks from the action. If you’re accustomed to making a holiday feast by yourself, you might order food ahead of time or host a potluck-style meal so others can chip in.

Also consider the environment. Those with dementia have sensory differences, so beware of fake food and too many blinking lights. Make the other guests aware of anything that could be dangerous to your loved one as well.

Ask for help

You don’t need to manage everything on your own. It’s better for you (and your loved one with dementia / Alzheimer’s) to have a community on your side. It takes a village, and the more helping hands, the better. With their help, you can allow yourself to indulge in self-care and anything that manages your stress.

Topics discussed:

Alzheimer’s and dementia

The Alzheimer’s Association

Holiday planning with dementia

Tips for caregivers around the holidays

Tips for Alzheimer’s during holidays

How to help caregivers

Takeaways from this episode:

-Always include your loved ones in discussing options as you figure out what your holiday should look like.

- Caregivers tend to mask their loved one’s state, so others won’t worry, but you should familiarize them with the situation, so everyone is on the same page.

-Find safe, enjoyable, and purposeful ways for your loved one to help with the holidays. Maybe it’s as simple as polishing silver or setting the table.

-Those with dementia or Alzheimer’s tend to be more active in the morning. Meeting in the late afternoon or at dinnertime is less ideal and more tiring.

-Think of appropriate gifts for your loved one. Avoid buying them pets (this could be an additional stressor for caregivers). Caregivers can benefit from less traditional gifts such as meal delivery or handyman service.

Get my new book, 'Surrounded by Love: One's Family Journey Through Stroke Recovery':

As we age, planning for our future living arrangements and associated costs becomes crucial. In this episode, we're going to demystify the options and strategies for covering senior housing and care services, ensuring that you are well-informed as you consider the financial aspects of your loved one's aging.

Often, there's confusion regarding the payment methods for senior housing, and a common misconception is that Medicare covers all expenses. Unfortunately, this is not the case, and understanding the nuances of payment options is crucial.

Private Pay Options

The primary payment method for senior housing is private pay, predominantly funded through:

1. Savings and Investments: This includes accessing retirement accounts, 401(k) plans, stocks, bonds, and personal savings.
2. Social Security Benefits: These monthly payments, based on work history, contribute significantly to covering costs.
3. Pension Plans: Although less common nowadays, pensions can still provide essential support.
4. Proceeds from Home Sales: Many seniors use the equity from selling a long-term home to finance their living arrangements.
5. Reverse Mortgages: This method allows those aged 62 and above to convert home equity into usable funds.
6. Life Insurance: Options include cashing out or borrowing against an existing policy.

Government and Veterans' Programs

In some situations, government assistance can aid in offsetting costs:

1. Veterans' Benefits: Eligible veterans and their spouses may access aid for assisted living or memory care.
2. Medicaid: While state-specific, Medicaid may cover nursing home expenses for qualifying low-income seniors.
3. Medicare: It's important to remember that Medicare does not cover housing but may fund specific health-related services.

Long-term Care Insurance

These policies may cover care related to activities of daily living like bathing and dressing. They vary widely, with typical policies covering costs for a set period, such as three years, after a 90-day qualification period.

Family Contributions and Other Options

Sometimes, family members may contribute financially. Additionally, strategies like taking out bridge loans during home sales or renting out a property could facilitate funding.

Understanding the difference between home care and home health care is essential:

1. Home Care: This non-medical support, including assistance with daily tasks, is privately paid.
2. Home Health Care: In contrast, this is medical care provided at home, typically covered by Medicare if eligibility criteria are met.

This end-of-life care focuses on comfort and quality, funded by Medicare. It's important to note that one cannot access both home health and hospice care simultaneously under Medicare due to funding overlaps.

1. Planning how to finance senior living and care is crucial in avoiding unanticipated challenges.
2. By understanding payment options and creating plans, you can ensure smoother transitions for yourself or your loved ones.

• 00:00 Introduction to Senior Living Funding
• 01:06 Importance of Recognizing Red Flags
• 01:43 Understanding Senior Housing Payments
• 02:54 Private Pay Options Explained
• 05:41 Government and Insurance Programs
• 09:42 Home Care vs. Home Health Care
• 14:34 Hospice Care and Medicare
• 17:25 Conclusion and Final...

As the holiday season approaches, it's time filled with joy, celebration, and family gatherings. However, it’s also crucial for us to be vigilant when visiting our older family members. With concern from my listeners growing every year post-Thanksgiving, I felt the need to emphasize the importance of spotting the “red flags” when it comes to the well-being of our loved ones.

Why Don’t They Tell Us?

It’s perplexing why older family members often don’t share their struggles. The fear of losing independence is a significant factor. Many seniors fear the idea of losing their autonomy or being a burden on their children. Denial also plays a role, especially in cases of dementia, where they might genuinely believe everything is fine. The fear of the unknown and preconceived notions about “nursing homes” often add to their reticence.

Chapters:

• 00:00 Introduction: Navigating Conversations with Aging Parents
• 00:29 Welcome to Aging in Style
• 01:08 Holiday Visits and Red Flags
• 02:16 Understanding Why Seniors Hide Their Struggles
• 05:30 Identifying Physical and Environmental Red Flags
• 09:45 Mental and Emotional Health Red Flags
• 13:21 Creating a Safe Environment for Seniors
• 14:35 Preventing Falls: Key Strategies
• 25:25 Leveraging Technology and Gadgets for Safety
• 30:11 Conclusion: Enjoy the Holidays and Stay Vigilant

What to Look For?

When visiting aging family members, we shouldn't bombard them with a checklist, but there are subtle signs we should casually observe:

1. Physical Appearance and Hygiene: Noticeable changes in weight, grooming habits, and cleanliness can be warning signs.
2. Home Environment: Look for piles of unopened mail, expired food, or unusual clutter which might indicate an inability to maintain their usual standards.
3. Safety Concerns: Are there signs of a fall, such as unexplained bruises, or are grab bars needed in the bathroom? Simple additions can increase safety.
4. Cognitive and Emotional Health: Observe for disorientation, memory lapses, or mood changes. Withdrawal from social activities is also a red flag.
5. Health and Medication: Missing doctor appointments or mishandling medication could signal bigger issues.

Creating a Safe Environment

Most seniors wish to age in place, in their homes, as long as possible. While immediate relocation might sometimes be necessary, there are numerous ways to ensure their home remains a safe haven. Falls are one of the most significant threats to seniors' independence, often leading to sudden life changes.

To prevent falls, consider the following:

1. Regular Health Check-Ups: Ensure medications are reviewed and eyes and feet are checked regularly.
2. Physical Exercise: Encourage exercises focusing on balance and strength.
3. Home Modifications: Install grab bars, improve lighting, and remove tripping hazards like throw rugs or clutter.

Technology and Tools for Independence

The use of technology and gadgets has brought numerous advantages to senior care. From medical alert systems resembling Fitbits to medication dispensers, there are countless innovations designed to enhance safety and independence. Tools like Alexa can serve as emergency assistants, as illustrated by the story of a neighbor who successfully called for help after a fall.

Staying Connected While Staying Safe

Socialization is vital for mental health, but it's crucial to manage it safely. Pets, while providing companionship and encouraging activity, can also be fall risks. Simple measures like nightlights can prevent accidents like my husband’s memorable...

Being a caregiver is a demanding role, one that requires not just physical and emotional strength but also strong communication skills. It's about ensuring clear understanding, providing comfort, and facilitating coordination among everyone involved in the caregiving journey. Today, I want to delve into the seven ways that being a good communicator can significantly enhance the caregiving experience for everyone involved.

1. Establish Clear Expectations

From the outset, it's crucial to set clear expectations with all parties involved. Whether you're coordinating with healthcare professionals, family members, or the person you're caring for, clarity helps avoid misunderstandings. This involves discussing care routines, medical instructions, and emotional needs openly and honestly.

2. Listen Actively

Active listening is a cornerstone of effective communication. It’s not just about hearing words but understanding the emotions and intentions behind them. By giving your undivided attention and responding thoughtfully, you can build trust and ensure that the needs of the person you're caring for are truly understood.

3. Provide Regular Updates

Keeping all stakeholders informed is essential. Regular updates about the health and well-being of the person you're caring for can help everyone stay aligned. Tools like group chats or shared online documents can be invaluable for keeping track of appointments, medications, and other crucial information.

4. Encourage Open Dialogue

Foster an environment where everyone feels comfortable expressing their thoughts and concerns. This includes the person receiving care, who should feel empowered to communicate their needs and preferences. Open dialogue helps to identify potential issues early, preventing small problems from escalating into bigger ones.

5. Use Positive Reinforcement

Encouragement and positive reinforcement can do wonders for morale. Use affirming language to recognize the efforts and progress of both the person you're caring for and any supporting family members or healthcare professionals. Positive communication can enhance cooperation and foster a supportive atmosphere.

6. Be Empathetic and Patient

Empathetic communication involves acknowledging feelings and showing understanding. When conversations become challenging, patience helps to defuse tension and allows for more constructive exchanges. Genuinely empathizing with others' experiences can strengthen relationships and improve overall caregiving outcomes.

7. Leverage Technology

In today’s digital age, technology can greatly aid communication. From telehealth appointments to apps that track medication schedules, technology ensures that information is readily accessible and easily shared with relevant parties. Embracing these tools can streamline caregiving tasks and enhance coordination.

Episode Takeaways:

1. Effective communication is the glue that holds the caregiving process together. It mitigates stress, reduces the likelihood of errors, and enriches the caregiving experience for everyone involved. By honing these communication skills, caregivers can create a positive environment where everyone feels informed, valued, and supported.
2. Embracing clear, compassionate, and consistent communication can transform the caregiving journey into a more manageable and fulfilling experience. By focusing on these strategies, caregivers can not only improve their capability to provide care but also enhance the quality of life for everyone involved.

00:00 Introduction to Aging in Style

00:44 Personal Caregiving Journey

02:53 The Importance of Communication in Caregiving

11:41 Building a Support System

15:32 Adapting to Changing...

Have you heard about the term "Silver Squatters"?

This interesting concept came to my attention when a friend texted me about it after hearing it on the Today Show. So, naturally, I did what anyone would do—I Googled it to learn more.

When we hear "squatters," our minds typically jump to individuals taking over properties without paying rent. However, the term "Silver Squatters" refers to something quite different. It describes older adults, particularly those from Generation X—individuals born between 1965 and 1980—approaching retirement age without sufficient financial resources to support themselves fully during retirement. Consequently, they often rely on financial and housing support from family members.

Silver Squatters: the outcome of a complex situation

This phenomenon has started gaining attention due to the unique challenges facing Generation X. Many in this group have experienced economic downturns, the impact of the pandemic, and the disappearance of traditional pensions once provided to older generations. Alongside the ever-rising cost of living, these factors have left this generation in a difficult financial situation as they approach retirement.

What the data says:

One study by Prudential Financial found that nearly a quarter of 55-year-olds expect to need financial support from family in retirement—a percentage that's twice as high as for those aged 65 to 75. Additionally, 21% of Gen Xers anticipated requiring housing support. This demonstrates how significant and concerning these financial challenges have become.

Another notable issue facing this generation is their membership in the "sandwich generation." This group finds themselves supporting both aging parents and their own children, making it incredibly challenging to save adequately for retirement.

Alarmingly, a study revealed that 35% of 55-year-olds would struggle to assemble $400 in an emergency. That's a stark contrast to the 19% of those aged 65 and older who share this difficulty.

What is happening in Real Estate

To better understand the impact of this phenomenon, I spoke with some industry friends. A realtor friend, and previous guest of the podcast, Trisha Spurrier, has noticed an increase in multigenerational housing demand—people looking for homes with in-law suites or additional living spaces as families move parents in to live with them. Similarly, a friend who works at a home care agency is witnessing younger generations assisting their grandparents because they lack the financial means to do so independently.

From a senior living perspective, the rise of Silver Squatters could influence the demand for multigenerational housing and alternative senior living arrangements. Families might consider cohabitating to manage costs, similar to how families lived when I was growing up.

On a personal note, my own family provides an example of this modern phenomenon. Although I'm not a Gen Xer, my son currently lives with us to help care for my husband, who had four strokes nearly two years ago. This highlights how adult children can play a crucial role in supporting aging parents and managing household needs.

So, what can we do from a financial perspective? Well, first and foremost, it's never too early to start planning. Financial advisors emphasize the importance of proactive retirement planning, urging those approaching retirement to maximize contributions to retirement accounts and consider additional income streams. Open discussions between family members can also be key to planning for the future.

Ultimately, the development of Silver Squatters underlines the critical need for effective retirement planning for everyone. With the potential rise in family-centered living arrangements, adapting to financial challenges will require cooperation and strategic planning. Despite the challenges, there are ways to...

How can you adapt your home and life to caregiving?

Ever since my husband Mark had a stroke over Christmas, life has been one big learning experience. I knew about common caregiving struggles secondhand from my clients, but living it has been more impactful than I could ever imagine.

My podcast producer, Ana Xavier, joins me to discuss life since Mark returned home this summer after spending months in rehab - and we answer my most common questions about our journey.

Mark has continued rehab and is working to become stronger over time, but our home needed many adjustments. An occupational therapist visited our home in March to make suggestions on ways to make our home accessible - long before he came home in July. Our bathroom layout was an issue, as the toilet was in its own separate room with a narrow door. As a result, we had to update our other downstairs bathroom.

The second issue was getting Mark up and down: from the bed to his wheelchair, and from the wheelchair to the toilet. Thankfully grab bars have been our best friend, and Mark and I have our system for getting him out of our sleep number bed. A contractor also helped us reconfigure the sink to become wheelchair friendly, and we added a heating lamp to keep Mark warm while showering without a curtain or door. A great shower chair is a must, as is a detachable showerhead.

Wheelchair-proofing the rest of the house has also been a journey. I never realized how beat up our baseboards and walls would become. We’ve also had to move everything against the wall and remove rugs and any clutter so Mark can easily get around. Outside, we’ve also had to add a ramp to the front door. We don’t have any stairs, so a $99 ramp from Amazon has worked great.

Other adjustments were to find a dinner situation where the table would be just the right height, and making sure he has snacks and water within reach during the day. I also got a new van to accommodate Mark’s wheelchair, and we named her “Large Marge.”

The important thing to remember is that everyone’s situation is different. What works for one caregiver may not work for another. Maybe there are other solutions or even workarounds. Find what works best for you. Also, it’s okay to feel sad about your home changing when you make it accessible - I know I hated removing my favorite rug. However, it’s important that Mark is safe as he regains his strength. That’s the priority.

Topics discussed:

-Making your home accessible

-Bathroom renovations for wheelchairs

-Caregiving

-Occupational therapy

-Home wheelchair ramps

Takeaways from this episode:

-Beware of grab bars that attach to your wall via suction cups. If they become loose and detach, you can become seriously injured.

-An easy way to make your bathroom sink wheelchair friendly is by removing the cabinet doors.

-As you come up with new habits and routines, you’ll learn what works and what doesn’t – and it’s okay to adjust.

-The Texas Ramp Project helps build ramps for homebound individuals. Check if your area has a similar nonprofit, or check for volunteer opportunities at your local church for help with your home.

Get my new book, 'Surrounded by Love: One's Family Journey Through Stroke Recovery': https://loriwilliams-seniorservices.com/book

To suggest a topic, be a guest or support the podcast, please email Lori@Loriwilliams-seniorservices.com

For more senior resources and to sign up for the newsletter, please visit:

Grappling with Faith

When you're faced with a loved one's health crisis—be it a spouse, child, or parent—it's natural to question and confront every emotion you feel, including those tied to faith. Experiences like this can push some to lose faith, while others find their faith strengthened. Personally, during the two years since my husband Mark suffered four strokes, I've found my faith not just intact but growing. Of course, I've had moments of profound anger and even directed harsh words at God, questioning why this would happen to us.

Questioning Why

It's very human to ask why catastrophic illnesses affect our loved ones. Watching someone you cherish suffer is excruciating, and it's common to feel helpless and angry at the situation—and even at God. You're left wondering why such a wonderful person, who has only shown kindness, has to endure such hardship. But I've learned to turn to my faith for strength. This is not to say everyone will resonate with this path, but for me, prayer and my relationship with God have been pivotal. It's important to find a purpose amidst the struggle.

Finding a Purpose

Through this challenging journey, I discovered a new purpose—to educate others about strokes. By sharing our story, I've been able to help many, whether through my podcast, my book, or the Stroke Smart series I developed. Educating others about preventing strokes, navigating medical systems, and being a caregiver has been a pathway I never expected but one I now embrace.

Embracing Joy in Caregiving

At first, becoming a caregiver was the one thing I never wanted to do. But I learned to find joy in the role. Little things, like funny moments shared with Mark, have brought laughter and light. It's okay to find humor in unexpected places, like when our beloved dog Sadie ended up with chicken pot pie on her head due to a caregiving "mishap!"

Sustaining Faith

If your loved one is a person of faith, it's important to help them maintain their spiritual practices. Whether it's attending mass or having someone pray with them, these moments can be profoundly comforting. Navigating the emotions tied to faith—from sadness and anger to peace and growth—is okay. We must remember to seek support, whether from therapists, support groups, or spiritual leaders.

Miracles in Everyday Life

Even amidst trials, I've witnessed miracles. There are moments when seemingly small blessings, like a stranger’s kind word or someone paying for a coffee at Starbucks, remind me of the goodness in the world. My experience with a kind driver who stayed with me during a tense hospital visit was such a moment of grace.

Timestamps:

• 00:00 Introduction and Personal Testimony
• 01:11 The Role of Faith in Caregiving
• 02:29 Struggling with Faith During Health Crises
• 04:16 Finding Strength in Faith
• 06:44 Purpose and Growth Through Adversity
• 07:50 Finding Joy in Small Moments
• 08:40 Finding Joy in Caregiving
• 09:08 A Funny Story About Mark and Sadie
• 11:18 The Importance of Faith in Dementia Care
• 11:56 Navigating Emotions and Seeking Support
• 12:50 Little Miracles and Acts of Kindness
• 16:13 Concluding Thoughts and Encouragement

1. Faith in the Face of Crisis: When caring for a loved one with a severe illness, your faith can be challenged. However, it can also become a source of strength and growth during difficult times.
2. Finding Purpose Through Struggles: Difficult experiences can unexpectedly lead to discovering new purposes, such as sharing knowledge and educating others about specific health issues.
3. Embracing Joy and Humor: Even in trying...

What are the top 10 most frequent expectations of caregivers?

Caregiving is a profound and often challenging experience and in this episode,I want to explore the intricacies of managing expectations when caring for a loved one recovering from a serious health condition.

Drawing from my own journey as a caregiver for my husband, Mark, a stroke survivor, I'll be sharing ten insightful tips that provide a roadmap for others in similar situations.

It's important to approach the experience with both compassion and realism so that as a caregiver, we're able to embrace the non-linear nature of recovery, where progress is often interspersed with setbacks.

When I reflect on my caregiving journey, the emotional rollercoaster I went through stands out clearly. There were moments of intense turmoil, but also deep learning, which is why I wanted to share my story in this episode.

One of the biggest lessons I learned was the importance of education in the caregiving process. I can't stress enough how critical it is to ask questions and seek out knowledge about your loved one’s condition. I made it a point to gather as much information as I could about my husband's situation, and that empowered me to advocate for him throughout his recovery.

When I understood what was happening medically, it made decision-making easier, and I felt more equipped to offer meaningful support. Celebrating small milestones became part of the process—whether it was him regaining some mobility or relearning communication skills. These moments became a beacon of hope, not just for him, but for me as his caregiver.

But one thing I learned the hard way was the importance of self-care. I struggled with burnout, often thinking I had to do it all. Asking for help felt like admitting failure, but I’ve since realized it’s the opposite—it’s necessary. Building a strong support system, including both family and professional help, was key to my well-being.

In this episode, I open up about these experiences in the hope that they resonate with others going through something similar. The caregiving journey is challenging, but with the right support and information, it’s possible to find balance. Resilience is built through community, and together, we can navigate the complexities of caring for a loved one in need.

• 00:43 Understanding Recovery Expectations
• 01:46 Ten Tips for Caregivers
• 04:00 Educate Yourself on Medical Conditions
• 06:32 Celebrate Small Milestones
• 14:02 Communicate Openly with Loved Ones
• 14:44 Building a Support Network
• 18:00 Managing Caregiver Burnout
• 20:00 Conclusion and Resources

Takeaways:

1. Recovery from illness or injury is not linear; expect both progress and setbacks.
2. Educate yourself about your loved one's condition and ask healthcare professionals questions.
3. Celebrate small milestones in recovery to keep morale high and encourage progress.
4. Encourage independence in your loved one to help them feel empowered and involved.
5. Be prepared for plateaus in recovery and understand that they are a common part of the process.
6. Take care of yourself as a caregiver to avoid burnout and maintain well-being.

Get my new book, 'Surrounded by Love: One's Family Journey Through Stroke Recovery': https://loriwilliams-seniorservices.com/book

To suggest a topic, be a guest or support the podcast, please email