What My Mother and I Don't Talk About

Fifteen Writers Break the Silence

By: Michele Filgate

Narrated by: Michele Filgate, Fajer Al-Kaisi, Roger Casey, Janina Edwards, Emily Ellet, Cynthia Farrell, Soneela Nankani, David Sadzin

“You will devour these beautifully written - and very important - tales of honesty, pain, and resilience” (Elizabeth Gilbert, New York Times best-selling author of Eat Pray Love and City of Girls) from 15 brilliant writers who explore how what we don’t talk about with our mothers affects us, for better or for worse.

As an undergraduate, Michele Filgate started writing an essay about being abused by her stepfather. It took her more than a decade to realize that she was actually trying to write about how this affected her relationship with her mother. When it was finally published, the essay went viral, shared on social media by Anne Lamott, Rebecca Solnit, and many others. This gave Filgate an idea, and the resulting anthology offers a candid look at our relationships with our mothers.

Leslie Jamison writes about trying to discover who her seemingly perfect mother was before ever becoming a mom. In Cathi Hanauer’s hilarious piece, she finally gets a chance to have a conversation with her mother that isn’t interrupted by her domineering (but lovable) father. André Aciman writes about what it was like to have a deaf mother. Melissa Febos uses mythology as a lens to look at her close-knit relationship with her psychotherapist mother. And Julianna Baggott talks about having a mom who tells her everything.

As Filgate writes, “Our mothers are our first homes, and that’s why we’re always trying to return to them.” There’s relief in acknowledging how what we couldn’t say for so long is a way to heal our relationships with others and, perhaps most important, with ourselves.

Contributions by Cathi Hanauer, Melissa Febos, Alexander Chee, Dylan Landis, Bernice L. McFadden, Julianna Baggott, Lynn Steger Strong, Kiese Laymon, Carmen Maria Machado, André Aciman, Sari Botton, Nayomi Munaweera, Brandon Taylor, and Leslie Jamison.

The complete list of narrators includes: Michele Filgate, Fajer Al-Kaisi, Roger Casey, Janina Edwards, Emily Ellet, Cynthia Farrell, Soneela Nankani, David Sadzin, Keong Sim, and Candace Thaxton.

©2019 Michele Filgate (P)2019 Simon & Schuster

Couldn’t stop listening

I listened to this in 3 days. Wonderful raw vignettes of being human, being a woman and being a mother.

A daunting task

Looking into one's life after 66 years can be a dauting task...Thanks for showing me it is possible and maybe!!! required.

Highly introspective

These essays are filled with so much that I needed to hear, identify, face and unpack about myself and my own relationship with my mother (this is of course what I was hoping for). Some of the essays were lengthy and a little hard to follow. Definitely worth the purchase, and I will revisit some of them.

Wow

Incredible. I’m amazed by how well and emotion full these essays were. Everyone wrote with such raw honesty fearless of how it would be perceived.

Insightful

This book presents an insight into various perspectives of the mother/offspring relationship. I can't say it offered any new revelations. It was not as an engaging read as I expected.

Not my kind of book but could be helpful for others.

Although I couldn't bring myself to finish the book, I did like a few of the chapters. This book was not my speed. I would also have preferred if it was written by one author. I should have done additional research on the book and what it was about. Overall, I'm disappointed that I wasted a credit on it, but I did appreciate a few of the chapters that were touching and relatable.

Now I’m healing

To understand your pain you must be able to understand others’. While they are not replicas of your story, you will find shattered pieces of yourself in them. For me, I cried intensely within the first 15 minutes. I didn’t come back to these pages for a few weeks. I took baby steps. Now I’m healing.

Worthy Read

It's a heavy read, but a healing read. To hear the variety of stories was powerful to me.

Meh

The first few essays in this book were interesting and I was hoping it would continue in that vein. What I found was it became repetitive and boring. Some of the essays didn't seem to have gotten the brief of "what my mother and I Don't Talk About" and instead are just stories about their mothers with no tie-in to the brief. Because of my own issues with my own dead mother I was hoping to gain some insight from this book and was really nervous to possibly read it. I actually didn't find much in it for me to give me hope or help.

Wow

Dang! This was nothing like I thought it would be. Not sure where my expectations came from, but this was definitely worth reading.
On that note, this book makes me more aware that I’m far from alone in my childhood trauma. Also, I ponder what I would write if asked what my mother and I don’t talk about. Damn. It’s deep. A good deep. But still deep.