Things You Should Already Know About Dating, You F--king Idiot
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Things You Should Already Know About Dating, You F--king Idiot
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Narrated by:
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Ben Schwartz
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Laura Moses
About this listen
A hilarious illustrated collection of tips for successfully navigating the dating world as a millennial.
For single millennials, this situation is all too familiar: You're on a date. It's going well! Then suddenly your date looks at you like you're a f-cking idiot and you never hear from that person again. Guess you're going to die alone, right? Maybe not!
Humble authors Ben Schwartz and Laura Moses have written a book to save the future of the human race: Things You Should Already Know About Dating, You F*cking Idiot, a collection of 100 dating tips - complete with illustrations - that teaches clueless guys and girls the dos and don'ts of dating. In their book, Ben and Laura cover all the basics, from "Why are you texting in just Emojis, dummy?!" to "Stop playing games, idiot!" and, of course, "PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN, A**HOLE!" Simply put, this book will make you laugh and finally give you a fighting chance at not dying alone.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying reference material will be available in your Library section along with the audio.
©2017 Ben Schwartz and Laura Moses (P)2017 Hachette AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Has Anyone Seen My Pants? is a laugh-out-loud trip around America (and Mexico!) with Sarah as she braves crying in nail salons, mother-daughter road trips, Iowan casinos, and single-shaming resorts. From a fling-gone-wrong to friend breakups and a new romance, Sarah's signature wit and sharp observations take you on a journey at once so deviously funny and surprisingly compassionate that it might just steal your heart - not to mention your pants.
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2 out of 5 stars
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clearance shelf material
- By lisa martinez on 04-28-15
By: Sarah Colonna
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A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend
- By: Felicity Huffman, Patricia Wolff
- Narrated by: Shelly Frasier
- Length: 4 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 119
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 47
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Story4 out of 5 stars 45
Most dating books are written for women - what a mistake that is. Women know how to date....It's men who need the help! At last: a blithe, bold, and bawdy guide to building a better boyfriend.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Can't Stop Laughing
- By Marshall on 06-13-07
By: Felicity Huffman, and others
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I Don’t Care about Your Band
- What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated
- By: Julie Klausner
- Narrated by: Julie Klausner
- Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 339
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 307
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Story4 out of 5 stars 309
In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage. I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Shopping for Men at the Wrong Mall
- By Pamela Harvey on 01-02-13
By: Julie Klausner
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Dirty Thirty
- By: Asa Akira
- Narrated by: Veronica Worthington
- Length: 5 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 161
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 147
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Story4 out of 5 stars 145
As she contemplates turning 30 years old while still being in the adult film trade, Asa Akira, author of the best-seller Insatiable, delves into her past, present, and future, exploring the events that brought her to where she is now and the surprising and insightful plans she has for her future. Internationally known as a porn star, Akira's perceptive, funny, and straightforward writings on love, sex, death, marriage, and celebrity come together in a surprising book of essays.
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5 out of 5 stars
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this was fun I'm going to buy her other book 2
- By Sir Lawrence on 01-09-19
By: Asa Akira
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Single State of Mind
- By: Andi Dorfman
- Narrated by: Andi Dorfman
- Length: 8 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 653
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 575
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 573
Andi Dorfman, breakout star of ABC's The Bachelorette and New York Times best-selling author of It's Not Okay, returns with this new collection of her adventures as a still-single gal surviving and thriving in New York City.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Shallow
- By c63989 on 01-10-18
By: Andi Dorfman
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I Like You Just the Way I Am
- Stories About Me and Some Other People
- By: Jenny Mollen
- Narrated by: Jenny Mollen
- Length: 7 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 835
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 745
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 737
Jenny Mollen is an actress and writer living in Los Angeles. She is also a wife, married to a famous guy (which is annoying only because he gets free shit and she doesn't). She doesn't want much from life. Just to be loved - by everybody: her parents, her dogs, her ex-boyfriends, her ex-boyfriends' dogs, her husband, her husband's ex-girlfriends, her husband's ex-girlfriend's new boyfriends, etc.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Hmm...Why am I listening to a bio of Jenny Mollen?
- By Elisabeth W. on 09-16-15
By: Jenny Mollen
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#IMomSoHard
- By: Kristin Hensley, Jen Smedley
- Narrated by: Kristin Hensley, Jen Smedley
- Length: 7 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 1,809
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,584
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,572
In their highly anticipated first audiobook, the hilarious mom duo with millions of followers explores all the ridiculous shit you’re expected to do to keep multiple humans alive and happy-ish and celebrates the love for the friends who get you through it.
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5 out of 5 stars
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IRelateSoHard
- By Peekablue on 04-20-19
By: Kristin Hensley, and others
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Challenge Accepted!
- 253 Steps to Becoming an Anti-It Girl
- By: Celeste Barber
- Narrated by: Celeste Barber
- Length: 6 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,038
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 923
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 913
Part memoir, part comedy routine, part advice manual, Challenge Accepted! is Celeste at her best, revealing her secrets to love, friendship, family, and marriage (oh hai, #hothusband), and how to deal with life’s many challenges - why she checks the bath for sharks, how Nutella quite literally shaped who she is as a woman, and why being famous on Instagram is like being rich in Monopoly. It’s real, like totally, really real.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Prepare to crack up in the grocery store
- By Chicago_Mama on 05-30-19
By: Celeste Barber
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White Girl Problems
- By: Babe Walker
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 343
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 306
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Story4 out of 5 stars 311
Babe Walker, center of the universe, is a painstakingly manicured white girl with an expensive smoothie habit, a proclivity for Louboutins, a mysterious mother she's never met, and approximately 50 bajillion Twitter followers. But her "problems" have landed her in shopping rehab - that's what happens when you spend $246,893.50 in one afternoon at Barneys. Now she's decided to write her memoir, revealing the gut-wrenching hurdles she's had to overcome in order to be perfect in every way, every day.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Hysterical
- By Kimberlykate on 02-01-13
By: Babe Walker
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Dear Girls Above Me
- Inspired by a True Story
- By: Charles McDowell
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 78
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 75
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Story4 out of 5 stars 74
When Charlie McDowell began sharing his open letters to his noisy upstairs neighbors - two impossibly ditzy female roommates in their mid-twenties - on Twitter, his feed quickly went viral. His followers multiplied and he got the attention of everyone from celebrities to production studios to major media outlets such as Time and Glamour.
Now Dear Girls breaks out of the 140-character limit as Charlie imagines what would happen if he put the wisdom of the girls to the test.
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4 out of 5 stars
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An Enjoyable Listen
- By Elle W on 11-05-13
By: Charles McDowell
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The Southern Education of a Jersey Girl
- Adventures in Life and Love in the Heart of Dixie
- By: Jaime Primak Sullivan
- Narrated by: Jaime Primak Sullivan
- Length: 6 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 337
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 305
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 302
Jaime Primak Sullivan, a Jersey-bred, tough-as-nails PR maven - and unlikely transplant in an upscale suburb of Birmingham, Alabama - has spent her entire life crossing the line: whether she's pushing the boundaries of what proper Southern ladies consider to be "polite behavior" or literally traversing the Mason-Dixon line in the name of love. She isn't afraid to say what everyone is thinking when it comes to love, sex, friendship, and many other topics that are all too often sugar-coated in polite Southern company.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Awesome book
- By Gwendolyn on 09-23-16
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Miss Fortune
- Fresh Perspectives on Having It All from Someone Who Is Not Okay
- By: Lauren Weedman
- Narrated by: Lauren Weedman
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 44
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 41
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Story4 out of 5 stars 40
Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
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Easy for You to Say
- By: John Melendez
- Narrated by: John Melendez
- Length: 6 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall3.5 out of 5 stars 128
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 116
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 116
Easy For You To Say is "Stuttering" John Melendez's memoir of his childhood being bullied in school for his stutter; his years as an on-air personality with The Howard Stern Show; and his subsequent 10-year career as a writer and on-air announcer for Jay Leno's Tonight Show. It details his famously acerbic relationships with celebrities he interviewed/insulted (Raquel Welch once punched him in the face). In the audiobook, Howard Stern emerges as a surprisingly mean, stingy, and megalomaniacal boss - and Jay Leno as a seeming sufferer from OCD.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Was expecting more
- By Amazon Customer on 10-25-18
By: John Melendez
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Ask Wendy
- By: Wendy Williams
- Narrated by: Wendy Williams
- Length: 5 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 110
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 99
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Story4 out of 5 stars 97
On TV, Wendy only has a few minutes to respond to each audience member, but in Ask Wendy she goes deeper, answering questions sourced from viewers across the country. No question is off-limits and no situation is too outrageous for her to take on. Wendy shoots straight from those womanly hips of hers to help you manage all the crazy that comes into your life - keepin' it real by drawing on the personal experiences that have shaped her unique perspective.
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5 out of 5 stars
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HIlarious
- By Shelley Thomas-Robinson on 10-24-17
By: Wendy Williams
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The Handsome Girl and Her Beautiful Boy
- By: B. T. Gottfred
- Narrated by: Alex McKenna, Maxwell Glick, B. T. Gottfred
- Length: 11 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 32
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 30
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 30
Everyone assumes that Zee is a lesbian. Her classmates, her gym buddies, even her so-called best friend. Even Zee is starting to wonder. Could they be on to something? Everyone assumes that Art is gay. They take one look at his nice clothes and his pretty face and think: well, obviously. But there's more to Zee and Art than anyone realizes.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Just WOW!
- By L. Caplan on 09-07-18
By: B. T. Gottfred
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Off with My Head
- The Definitive Basic B*tch Handbook to Surviving Rock Bottom
- By: Stassi Schroeder
- Narrated by: Stassi Schroeder
- Length: 7 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,204
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,040
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,036
The year 2020 was going to be the best year of Stassi’s life. Besides getting engaged and feeling like she was on top of the world career-wise, she bought her first house and was planning her dream Italian wedding. The future showed so much freaking promise—until it all went to hell. Stassi may not be perfect—she may have made some (major) mistakes—but she does feel like she has some insight (and plenty of hilarious tales) about getting knocked up, called out, and learning from what went wrong.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Really Wanted to Like This, But...
- By Cathie on 08-09-23
By: Stassi Schroeder
-
My Inappropriate Life
- Some Material Not Suitable for Small Children, Nuns, or Mature Adults
- By: Heather McDonald
- Narrated by: Heather McDonald
- Length: 5 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 335
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 295
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 296
In her hilarious New York Times best seller You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again, Heather McDonald recounted her adventures as an unwilling virgin in Hollywood. Now happily married with three wonderful kids, she shows that life as a grown-up - even a pretend grown-up - has its challenges. Heather’s a working mom with parents who live next door, a sister who keeps asking for one of her still-fertile eggs, and friends who are up to more hijinks than even Heather can handle.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Irritating
- By TrishS on 04-23-13
By: Heather McDonald
What listeners say about Things You Should Already Know About Dating, You F--king Idiot
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- Dani
- 07-03-18
Amazing
Absolutely loved this book it's a very funny commentary on dating today.
Love the authors!
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Sarah Alexander
- 10-25-17
Fun and Quick
These authors did a great job of making their book come alive! Very cool topics with silly explanations and it was nice to have them in my ear. They made time fly by!
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Amy
- 03-26-20
Hilarious
This book was so fucking hilarious lol, I’d 12/10 recommend! (Also listening on audible is very recommended) bc it’s just better lol
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Jennifer
- 05-14-21
Recommended for a good laugh.
If you're completely socially awkward and never been on a date, this book is for you. I'm giving this book 5-stars because I did laugh alot. This book is absolutely corny.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- asoto23
- 01-03-23
Nice
I came here to get wing-manned by a ninja turtle, left satisfied! 10/10 :]
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Tyler Combs
- 11-17-23
Fantastic short and succinct
I read this years ago when I first jumped back into dating again and it was the perfect blend of light hearted, humorous and informative.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 02-25-22
if you give this a bad review, you're a bad person
Seriously, if you rate this less than 3 stars, you oughta just throw in the towel now because you will never amount to anything, and also your dog hates you.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- phil
- 12-04-23
Authors
Amazing reading job by the authors!!
Like a super well written scripted podcast!!
Highly recommend!
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Overall1 out of 5 stars
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Performance1 out of 5 stars
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Story1 out of 5 stars
- Francisco Martin
- 02-19-18
Waste of time and money
the only good thing about this book is that it is mercifully short. this feels like a money grab by the authors.
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2 people found this helpful
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Overall2 out of 5 stars
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Performance1 out of 5 stars
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Story1 out of 5 stars
- Yara Flores
- 04-30-20
Annoying
I think the voices are a little exaggerated so that makes it an annoying read. Great tips but they are nothing new.
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