They Ate the Waitress?
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They Ate the Waitress?
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Narrated by:
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Christopher J Dusky
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By:
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D.N. Schmidt
About this listen
A delightfully funny murder mystery full of wit, wordplay, and cannibalism. Nick Wergild is a private detective armed only with his wits and an atomic-powered electroshock gun.
One evening, while under the influence of powerful hallucinogens, he is hired to investigate a murder at a local restaurant called “Hand to Mouth”. It seems the customers ate one of the staff. And she didn’t even volunteer for the job.
Nick has to find a way to solve the case without a body or a crime scene. Along the way, he also has to survive hit men, bomb-throwing security guards, bad puns, and a homicidal politician.
Will he live long enough to solve the case? Can you really trust the owner of a restaurant for cannibals? What does human flesh really taste like? And why does furniture keep falling from the sky?
If you love humor, mysteries, and anything weird, you don't want to miss this!
©2019 D.N. Schmidt (P)2020 D.N. SchmidtListeners also enjoyed...
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- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,017
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 872
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 868
Sam Acquillo is at the end of the line: he's a middle-aged corporate dropout living in a ramshackle cottage in Southampton's North Sea. But then the old lady next door ends up floating dead in her bathtub, and it seems that Sam is the only one who wonders why.
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5 out of 5 stars
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A hero who doesn't work and play well with others.
- By Cholmondeley on 04-04-13
By: Chris Knopf
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When a Stranger Comes to Town
- By: Michael Koryta
- Narrated by: Cindy Kay, Janina Edwards, Fajer Al-Kaisi, and others
- Length: 11 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 56
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 53
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Story4 out of 5 stars 53
It's been said that all great literature boils down to one of two stories—a man takes a journey, or a stranger comes to town. While mystery writers have been successfully using both approaches for generations, there's something undeniably alluring in the nature of a stranger: the uninvited guest, the unacquainted neighbor, the fish out of water. In the newest collection of stories by the Mystery Writers of America, each author weaves a fresh tale surrounding the eerie feeling that comes when a stranger enters our midst, featuring stories by prolific mystery writers.
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5 out of 5 stars
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The narrators are outstanding here.
- By Jennifer Baratta She/Her on 05-16-21
By: Michael Koryta
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Careful What You Wish For
- A Novel of Suspense
- By: Hallie Ephron
- Narrated by: Amy McFadden
- Length: 7 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 150
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 138
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Story4 out of 5 stars 138
Emily Harlow is a professional organizer who helps people declutter their lives; she’s married to man who can’t drive past a yard sale without stopping. He’s filled their basement, attic, and garage with his finds. Like other professionals who make a living decluttering peoples’ lives, Emily has devised a set of ironclad rules. When working with couples, she makes clear that the client is only allowed to declutter his or her own stuff.
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4 out of 5 stars
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interesting story
- By Natalie on 08-19-19
By: Hallie Ephron
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A Hard Ticket Home
- By: David Housewright
- Narrated by: Brent Hinkle
- Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 55
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 48
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Story4 out of 5 stars 47
Ex-St. Paul cop Rushmore McKenzie has more time, and more money, than he knows what to do with. In fact, when he’s willing to admit it to himself (and he usually isn’t), Mac is downright bored. Until he decides to do a favor for a friend facing a family tragedy: Nine-year-old Stacy Carlson has been diagnosed with leukemia, and the only one with the matching bone marrow that can save her is her older sister, Jamie. Trouble is, Jamie ran away from home years ago.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Finally on Audible...
- By shelley on 03-14-20
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City of Fire
- A Novel (Lena Gamble, Book 1)
- By: Robert Ellis
- Narrated by: Renée Raudman
- Length: 11 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 249
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 195
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Story4 out of 5 stars 197
When a vibrant young woman is found in bed by her hotshot businessman husband, carved from belly to throat with a very sharp knife, the elite Robbery-Homicide Division of the LAPD responds in full force. Best-case scenario for lead Detective Lena Gamble: Nikki Brant's husband killed her, case closed, and on to the next crime scene before the ravenous Hollywood media can get their lurid tabloid machinery up and running.
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5 out of 5 stars
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incredible
- By A. Koren on 01-29-09
By: Robert Ellis
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Paw Enforcement
- K9, Book 1
- By: Diane Kelly
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 10 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,012
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 909
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Story4 out of 5 stars 908
Officer Luz is lucky she still has a job after tasering a male colleague where it counts the most. Sure, he had it coming - which is why the police chief is giving Megan a second chance. The catch? Her new partner can't carry a gun, can't drive a cruiser, and can't recite the Miranda Rights. Because her new partner is a big furry police dog. So that's what the chief meant when he called Megan's partner a real bitch...With Brigit out on the beat, Megan is writing up enough tickets to wallpaper the whole station.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Not so funny
- By L J on 09-27-14
By: Diane Kelly
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Inherit the Bones
- A Detective Gemma Monroe Mystery, Book 1
- By: Emily Littlejohn
- Narrated by: Harper Landry
- Length: 11 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 139
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 118
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 117
Secrets and lies can’t stay buried forever in Cedar Valley. In the summer, hikers and campers pack the small Colorado town’s meadows and fields. And in the winter, skiers and snowboarders take over the mountains. Season by season, year after year, time passes, and the lies, like the aspens and evergreens that surround the town, take root and spread deep. Now, someone has uncovered the lies, and it is his murder that continues a chain of events that began almost 40 years ago.
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5 out of 5 stars
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intriguing
- By Anonymous User on 06-26-19
By: Emily Littlejohn
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Red Gold
- By: Robert D. Kidera
- Narrated by: Richard Poe
- Length: 7 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 98
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 77
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Story4 out of 5 stars 76
Shaken by the death of his beloved wife and wrestling with powerful personal demons, Professor Gabriel McKenna leaves New York City for New Mexico to claim an inheritance from mysterious distant relatives. He finds something other than a Land of Enchantment. Unseen enemies threaten his life. Old friends turn up and rally to his side. Together they plunge into a lethal struggle for a 19th century treasure, the fabled Lost Adams gold.
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5 out of 5 stars
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I loved it
- By Gary H on 12-20-17
By: Robert D. Kidera
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First Cut
- By: Judy Melinek, T.J. Mitchell
- Narrated by: Amanda Dolan
- Length: 10 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 188
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 176
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 174
For San Francisco’s newest medical examiner, Dr. Jessie Teska, it was supposed to be a fresh start. A new job in a new city. A way to escape her own dark past. Instead, she faces a chilling discovery when an opioid-overdose case contains hints of something more sinister. Jessie’s superiors urge her to close the case, but as more bodies land on her autopsy table, she uncovers a constellation of deaths that point to an elaborate plot involving drug dealers and Bitcoin brokers.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Why???
- By Blu on 02-20-20
By: Judy Melinek, and others
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Lola Is Missing
- By: Alison James
- Narrated by: Jan Cramer
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 195
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 168
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 167
Six-year-old Lola Jade Harper is taken from her bedroom. Her mother is distraught. She is convinced her estranged husband, Gavin Harper, has abducted their daughter. Detective Rachel Prince is leading the investigation but is soon out of her depth as she searches for the most high-profile missing child in the country. To uncover the truth about Lola’s disappearance, Rachel must untangle the Harper family’s complicated web of secrets and lies.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Very good!
- By Maine Knitter on 02-16-19
By: Alison James
What listeners say about They Ate the Waitress?
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- PFD
- 03-16-21
A witty and suspenseful murder mystery!
This was an enjoyable story about a private detective. As Nick was hired to solve a murder, he himself was thrown into his own unsolved mystery of who wanted him dead. With multiple suspects, he must face interrogating each one as he tries to stay alive in the process. You won't be disappointed!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Bowen Greenwood
- 11-10-24
Funny dark humor.
In a future version of the U.S., the government has been utterly and completely abolished. That means everything is legal, including a luxury restaurant catering to wealthy cannibals.
Yes, cannibals. f you don’t have the stomach for constant jokes about cannibalism, this isn’t for you.
But if you're a dark humor aficionado, the jokes come fast and furious, and the good news is, they’re hilarious. I’m not sure if a single paragraph passed without a wisecrack, and they were almost always funny.
Our main character is Nick Wergild, a private investigator or, in the parlance of this world, a manhunter. After an opening scene involving the arrest of a former politician from before the abolishment of government (including capturing the suspect because he flees into a brothel where they have an abundance of means to restrain people), Nick is hired to investigate the death of Renee Flockhardt, a waitress at the cannibal restaurant. Unfortunately there are no remains because … well, you can imagine.
I enjoyed this more for the jokes than for the mystery. On the down side, if you have a sacred cow, it’s going to get gored in here.
I laughed out loud through most of the book. If you have the stomach for it, I strongly suspect you will too.
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