The Velvet Rage

Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World

De: Alan Downs Ph. D

Narrado por: Alan Downs Ph. D

The most important issue in a gay man’s life is not “coming out”, but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, “Are we better off?” The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger - a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide.

Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author’s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man.

©2005, 2006, 2012 Alan Downs (P)2012 HighBridge Company

Most moving book I have ever read. A+++

Would you consider the audio edition of The Velvet Rage to be better than the print version?

Haven't read the printed version but ordered it so I could highlight specific portions. Having both wouldn't be a bad idea.

What did you like best about this story?

How closely it related to me.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

YES!!! Although I didn't have the time to I listened as much as possible.

Much Needed Reset

This book provided a catalyst for me to move on in my life and the courage to seek help to do so.

Highly relatable… even for a lesbian :)

Whether you’re a gay man or not… shame is universal… I think most of us will bump into it over the course of our lives….Loved all the instructions/suggestions for overcoming it. Really enjoyed listening to this book

Massive.

Massive insight into gay culture and self enlightenment. a must for every gay man seeking release from shame and resentment.

I need to listen to this again and again

This book is timeless. Need to read once a year for a reality check. I hope the author writes another book.

Eye opening.

This book has helped me immensely. For a very long time I harbored the suspicion that growing up gay and in the closet had a deep affect on who I am now and my my adult behaviors. This book helped me understand a lot about myself and identify my behaviors born out of shame and stalled development.

Wise and rings true, I feel seen

While I grew up in a very different time and place than the author, the first part of the book still captures my own adolescence and young adulthood. I have never felt so seen and understood in a deep way. The author's theory of a gay man's personality development rings true to me, and helps me understand my internal world better. The latter half of the book is full of sage advice and concrete skills which we can practice to make our lives more satisfying. The emphasis on actively practicing these skills rather than just psycho-analyzing oneself, is refreshing and ultimately more productive.

Challenging but also rewarding!

I enjoyed the fact that the book was narrated by the author as it added to the authenticity of his story. It is not an easy book to listen to not because it is not a good book but because the book challenges you to ask difficult questions about your identity and sexuality.

I have great respect for how Alan handle the difficult topics and the honesty in sharing his own life stories. This book has had a big impact on me and I think it will continue to have a lasting impact.

Immensely valuable regardless of your orientation

The amount of insight into interpersonal relationships and learning how to recognize anti-patterns in ones own behavior is profound. I highly recommend this book to everyone who has ever experienced shame or felt they were taking emotional baggage into a relationship. As a straight man, I didn't expect to learn as much about myself as I did, but there are definitely parallels to be drawn and similar experiences I've had as an atheist in regards to feeling that 'something is wrong with me.'

Gᴀʏ + Nᴀʀᴄ Aʙᴜsᴇ Sᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴏʀ + CPTSD= A MUST READ!

Profound in coming full circle to understanding one’s inner critic of their homosexuality, the familial and social impacts that hindered ones personal development, this suffering or have endured the invalidation of Narcissistic Abuse, and one’s outter critic in their development of CPTSD.