The Sex Talk You Never Got

Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality

By: Sam Jolman, John Eldredge

Narrated by: Sam Jolman, John Eldredge

Read by the author.

Men today are starved for sexual formation. They've been failed by parents, churches, and culture alike, leading to widespread shame, confusion, and brokenness in the area of sexuality. In The Sex Talk You Never Got, therapist Sam Jolman helps men reconnect their God-given sexuality with innocence, awe, and joy, and shows listeners how to celebrate--instead of struggle against--the gift of sexual desire.

In our sex-saturated world, it might seem surprising that men need more talk about sex. But the reality is that sexuality is one of the most neglected aspects of men's lives. From the woefully inadequate sex talks many young men receive from parents (little more than an anatomy lesson or a purity lecture, if anything at all) to cultural messages that unhelpfully weave both shame and permissiveness into men's understanding of their own sexuality and masculinity, too many boys and men experience sexual desire as an area of struggle, confusion, and brokenness.

But it doesn't need to be this way. God made men to be moved, to live with wonder and awe--and sexual desire must be formed within the context of that design. Sam Jolman, a professional therapist who specializes in men's issues and sexual trauma recovery, shows men the way out of the wilds of sexual struggle.

This timely and incisive book will help listeners:

• learn about the vital link between sexual desire and their identity as worshipers;
• regain a wild and vigorous sexuality within the context of God's design;
• understand how purity culture has needlessly put men in a conflict-ridden relationship with their sexuality;
• see sexual purity not as the goal but as the preparation for becoming fully alive to beauty, awe, and worship; and
• discover how to trade shame and confusion for a sexuality that's filled with innocence and wonder.

In the Bible, Jesus' greatest kindness was often offered to those suffering sexual harm and brokenness. He offers this same kindness today. He does not want men to repent of their sexual desire. Rather, through reconnecting sexuality with innocence and awe, God opens the door for men to experience the wild joy of desire, rightly ordered toward worship and God's good purposes for their life.

©2024 Sam Jolman (P)2024 Thomas Nelson

This book (albeit unfortunately) should be mandatory reading for men for are truly seeking to connect to their spouses.

The stories shared within this book are guaranteed to reach you in some way. I was nearly moved to tears in the later chapters as Sam expressed many of the feelings/emotions I have buried deep down inside and had no idea how to deal with.
This book is a phenomenal resource in this current day and age where father’s are doing a very poor job of educating their sons about their masculinity and sex. I highly recommend listening to this book.

Absolute, edifying blessing

I found this book in my recommendations when I felt in my heart of hearts that something was off, if not missing. This book helped me explore many of those feelings and I feel my heart beat stronger for it. Will absolutely revisit it real soon! Thank you Sam Jolman and God bless!

Gritty and Healing - Immediately Reading Again

I ignored my cognitive, physiological, and spiritual trauma regarding my masculine sexuality for 30+ years. Jolman invited and lead me into an approachable discussion with myself. Healing enroute.

Very encouraging

Loved his view point on sexuality and all that goes with it. Thanks for writing this book I wished everyone would take the time to listen/read it

Solid, Comprehensive, Life-Changing

Sam has written a book that every man, young and old, must read. My hope is for this book to reach men all over the world and create a lasting change toward comprehensive manhood with a healthy and life-giving sense of sensuality and true arousal.

Should be a must read for all engaged men and women

This book so beautifully clears up common misconceptions about sex. It calls men to be more than just lustful ejaculators - it’s a call to truly love in the purest sense of the word. It’s a call to avoid objectifying women and calls out the common church teachings that allow just that. It’s full of both scripture and study references. It’s packed full of deep, thought provoking soul-churning information while still being and easy, conversational read.

A must read!

Sam brings new light and meaning to healthy male sexuality in The Church and beyond. Men have been stunted by The Church’s doomsday messages regarding male sexuality and insatiable lust & desire. These messages often are like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The damaging messages most Christian sex books for men are inundated with, Sam kindly sets right.

With Sam’s careful and thoughtful reintroduction into a man’s true lover heart, he gives hope for present and future generations of men to delve into their stories and reclaim innocence. With this book and hopefully others like it to come, we can begin to turn the tide and see men rise up to what God created them to be in their sexuality.

As a mother of two boys, it has been my heart to relearn what healthy sexuality is for men. My husband and I decided to read this book together and it has been so insightful and stirred up many good conversations. We were the product of purity culture and only in the last few years have figured out that purity culture and all we were taught and read was really at the root of some of our deepest struggles in marriage. We desperately want better for our boys as they grow and become men and know that we cannot pass on what we do not hold ourselves. It is in this process of relearning that Sam’s book came out. What a blessing!

Such a pivotal book, one for the ages!

To say that I loved this book is an understatement. It’s truly one for the ages because it helps us to understand the deepest dive about humanity and the ways we have both desired and hurt our sexual bonds, plus it offers many great tips for those of us raising kids also. Love the concept of many smaller and more grace-filled talks about sex with our kids and teens versus one half-talk that’s awkward and lacking.

A golden book with a redeeming message

There's three books on sexuality from a Christian perspective that I put at the top of my list of such books, Surfing for God, by Michael Cusick Unwanted by Jay Stringer, and this book by Sam Jolman. Why these three? Because they all address how shame drives our behavior and they all avoid emphasizing tips and techniques to merely stop doing something instead of discovering how God frees a heart that longs to live well. I appreciate men who write from their good heart that God has given them.

I have the most beautiful books I’ve read in a long time!

I like all it seems the inspiration all of it is really wonderful And I wish everybody would read it.